MY SWEETEST DOWNFALL
by Dalin Asher Shongili
Summary: Dan blackmails Peyton into sleeping with him to protect Brooke. Eventual Breyton, gotta wait for it though. I don't plan to tip my hand.Disclaimer:I don't own anything! Keep in mind: I borrowed some ideas from other stories that were never completed.
1. Chapter 1

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 1-Everything Ends

The eight year old girl stood in the principal's office staring out the window. She was had just become numb to everything. It seemed only a moment ago when she was in her classroom sitting next to her best friend whispering and passing notes about what the two of them had planned for the afternoon. She had been carefree then. She had been happy. Only she couldn't remember that feeling now. She couldn't remember ever knowing what that feeling was. Maybe if she concentrated a bit harder she could grasp the concept of it, but no, it was gone.

Principal Turner wasn't sure if she had heard him or not. He tried to speak softly, "Peyton, honey, did you understand what I said? Your Mother has been in a car accident."

Peyton Sawyer didn't indicate that he had ever spoken. She stared straight ahead, no emotion showing on her face. He had to tell her the rest. "She is in the emergency room at Tree Hill Memorial Hospital. Now, we don't know the extent of her injuries, but we've got to have hope that she will fight." He didn't know if he getting through to the little girl about the gravity of the situation, but he didn't think he should say much more at this point. "Peyton, Mrs. Watts has agreed to drive you to the hospital to be with your father. Why don't you have a seat until she is ready for you?" He gestured to the seats outside his office. When she didn't move, he gently took her by the arm and led her over to her seat.

When she was seated he turned to go back into his office, but before he closed his door he looked over his shoulder at the small, curly-haired girl he left in shock. "I'm sorry." He said, and softly shut his door.

Mrs. Watts was the school secretary. She had watched as Principal Turner had led the little blonde girl out of his office. She thought this was a horrible thing to happen to a child. She had heard about the accident on the radio. Mrs. Sawyer had run a red light it seemed. She had been running late to pick up her daughter from school, so Peyton had been placed in the after school program with a few other children. That's where she was when Mrs. Watts received a call from the hospital. She was glad that Principal Turner was there to handle these types of things. She hoped that she could make the small girl comfortable in her car on their way to the hospital. What a silly thing to think of in a time like this! Poor thing! Well, she had to lock some files away and grab her purse, and then she would be ready. She was pulled out of her thoughts by the slamming of the door. She jerked her head up to the source of the sound. No one was there. Wait, where was the girl?

"Peyton Sawyer?" She called. No answer. Great, where did she go? "Oh, I hope she didn't run away!" Mrs. Watts started to panic.

Peyton was running down the hall back to the classroom where the after school program was held. She couldn't just sit and wait anymore. Her Mother wasn't coming to get her. Her Mother wasn't coming. Her Mother… She needed to tell Brooke. Brooke Davis had been her best friend since the beginning of the school year when Brooke had asked if she could borrow the red crayon when Peyton was done. They had been inseparable ever since. Brooke's parents left her in the after school program whenever they could. When Peyton's Mother came she always took Brooke home with them too. Then she would make them some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a snack. Peyton and Brooke both loved those! Brooke's parents were always gone on business, and Peyton's parents had an arrangement with them to keep Brooke whenever they needed, which was all the time. Brooke was practically part of the family, and she didn't even know about Peyton's Mom. Peyton had to make sure that Brooke knew. She needed to make sure.

When she reached the classroom she saw Brooke still sitting at their table coloring and making sure that no one else took Peyton's seat at their table. Nathan Scott, Peyton and Brooke's other best friend was at the table next to Brooke. He was concentrating on his work. Nathan, Brooke and Peyton had really bonded this year at school. Nobody else was there for them, so they were there for each other.

Brooke saw a shadow come over the paper she was coloring on and looked up to see an out-of-breath Peyton standing above her. From the look on Peyton's face she knew something was very wrong. "What happened?" She said. Nathan heard this and immediately came over to see what was going on.

"Brooke, it's my Mom. She was in a car accident." Peyton stopped to catch her breath and then went on. "They're going to take me away to the hospital to be with her and Daddy, but I realized you didn't know." At that point Peyton's eyes were tearing up, and she glanced at Nathan to see only compassion. He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Brooke what if…" She couldn't finish the sentence because right then Brooke had wrapped her arms around her best friend. Nathan looked on with sadness for his friend.

After a bit Brooke pulled away from Peyton and looked her in the eyes. No words were needed.

The door to the classroom opened and Mrs. Watts came in breathless. "There you are Peyton!" She noticed Peyton was with the other girl and the boy that she always seemed to see her with. Of course she would want to tell her best friends. "I'm sorry sweetie but we have to go now."

Peyton started walking toward Mrs. Watts and took her offered hand as they walked through the door. She took one last look at Brooke and Nathan before she left, getting a nod and a smile from her best friends. Then she was gone.

Peyton and Mrs. Watts walked into the waiting room of the ER where Larry, Peyton's Dad, was waiting for them.

"Dad!" Peyton yelled just before she ran into her father's waiting arms.

Larry hugged his daughter tight. Mrs. Watts was turning to leave. "Thank you so much for bringing my daughter here. It really means a lot to me."

Mrs. Watts looked up into Mr. Sawyer's worried face. "You're welcome, and I hope your wife is ok." Then she left after one last look at father and daughter holding tight to each other.

Larry took Peyton in to see her Mother. She had surgery right after her accident and now she was in the ICU. Peyton wasn't prepared for the sight of her Mother hooked up to all those wires and tubes. Peyton was scared. She held her Dad's hand and looked up into his eyes. Her own eyes were full of tears. "Is she asleep?" She said.

"Yes sweetie." Larry tried to explain to his eight-year old about how her Mother might not wake up. "Mommy is in a coma honey. The doctors don't know when she'll wake up. She was hurt bad Peyt. We just have to be here for Mommy and have faith that she will wake up, ok?"

Peyton nodded her head. "So, Mommy is just sleeping and we have to wait until she is better enough so that she will wake up and come home?" Peyton asked.

Larry loved his daughter so much, and loved how smart she was and the never-ending hope that she had. "That's right honey." He said, and gave her a small smile.

Peyton let go of her daddy's hand and walked up to her mommy's bed. "Can I touch her?" She said looking back up at her dad.

"Yes baby, just don't move any of the wires." Larry replied.

She reached her hand out and slowly moved it to her mother's face. Her fingertips barely grazed her cheek and she took her hand back. "I'm scared she won't be okay daddy." She said as turned around to her father who had knelt down beside her and buried her face in his chest.

Larry had tears in his own eyes. He held his daughter away from his body so he could look her in the eyes. "Honey, I promise you that no matter what happens, we will be okay. I want to be honest with you about everything that happens with your mother. I know you are old enough to understand. It may take awhile for us to be okay, and we may never fully recover from this, but always know that your mom and I love you very much. You and I are going to stick together and get through this."

"I love you daddy." Peyton said weakly.

Larry pulled his daughter back into a hug. "I love you too Peyton."

The next two weeks saw Larry and Peyton always at the hospital. They slept there and ate there. Brooke came to visit a lot. Anna sawyer had been a mother to Brooke as well, so Brooke came every day after school to see her and also brought Peyton's homework, sometimes Nathan was able to come with Brooke and they would all sit and talk or play games, or just be with Peyton while she worried about her mother. Pretty soon though Larry saw the toll that staying at the hospital was taking on his daughter and insisted that she go home with Brooke at nights after that first weekend. Peyton didn't want to leave her mother, but she was so tired and restless from being cooped up in a hospital room. Plus, she liked staying with her best friend.

After the first week spent at the hospital, Larry had no choice but to make his daughter go back to school. He couldn't let her get too far behind. Peyton did not like this at all, and had a hard time concentrating on her work. But, Brooke was there and helped distract Peyton from thoughts of her Mother lying in a hospital bed, and Nathan always tried to cheer her up by making her laugh.

About five days into the second week of her mother's accident, Peyton was sitting in class next to Brooke trying to listen to their teacher drone on and on about social studies. Peyton had one hand supporting her head and the other on the book in front her ready to turn the page at the appropriate time. She wondered how her mom was doing, and if she was awake yet. Surely her dad would call her as soon as that happened, right? She needed her life to get back to normal so she could be happy again. Really though, she just wanted her mom to be okay.

Peyton noticed everyone turning to the next page in their books, so she turned hers as well. Brooke noticed this, but knew that Peyton wasn't paying any attention to what the teacher was saying. She couldn't blame her, but she also knew that Peyton needed the distraction of school so she wouldn't be so worried about her mother all the time. The truth was, Brooke was worried all the time too. Mrs. Sawyer was still unconscious after all this time. Brooke may be only nine years old, but she still knew things weren't going well for the Sawyer clan.

Brooke and Peyton were both interrupted from their thoughts by Principal Turner walking into the classroom and whispering something to their teacher. Peyton was instantly very alert, as was Brooke. As the principal was still whispering into her ear the teacher's eyes came up briefly and locked with Peyton's before quickly looking down again. Peyton knew. This was it. She felt the dread tying knots in her stomach. She felt a small hand squeeze her arm. She looked beside her to see Brooke had tears in her eyes that she was trying to hold back for Peyton's sake. But Peyton had no tears. She had nothing, she realized. In those few seconds it took for Principal Turner to whisper the words and then walk in her direction, she knew she had nothing left.

Principal Turner placed his hand on Peyton's shoulder and said softly, "Please come with me Peyton." He had a look of sympathy on his face.

She didn't want to go. She shared one last look with Brooke and saw a friend who felt everything for Peyton so that Peyton didn't have to feel. That look said everything. She turned and joined Principal Turner as he headed for the door.

Everything happened so fast. First she was at the hospital with her dad waiting on something, she didn't know what. They were always waiting. Then they were holed up in their house. Her Grandma showed up and started cleaning things. Relatives Peyton didn't even know came and stayed with them. Others, family friends, Peyton could only guess at who they were, stayed in the one hotel in town. Her dad was always busy making calls, talking to one or more of the many guests, sometimes she caught him just staring into space. At those times she would come over to him and crawl into his lap and hug him forever. All the while, Peyton never shed one tear.

It became so cramped at the house that Peyton had to get away for a minute or she would go crazy. Her dad was so busy with all the people that she didn't think he would notice if she left, so she slipped out right after lunch when everyone was busy cleaning up the kitchen. She took her bike and rode down the street to an open field. Her dad had built a tree house there for her, Brooke and Nathan only two months ago and since then it had been their sanctuary. They would play there for hours and hours until their parents made them go home. Peyton climbed up the ladder that was built right into the tree. When she was halfway up, she saw a dark haired head pop out of the door to the tree house.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Nathan asked her as he offered his hand to help her inside.

Peyton gratefully accepted his help and sat down on one of the cushions they had put on top of the floor boards. "I dunno. I guess I just wanted some quiet time."

"Oh, well, I'll leave you alone then." Nathan said, looking sad.

"Oh, no, I meant that it's just so busy inside my house right now. You can stay." Peyton explained. They spent the rest of the afternoon inside the tree house, Peyton sticking pretty leaves to the walls and Nathan playing with his army men. Peyton got tired and lay down on the floor boards to look at the clouds in the sky. Nathan joined her after a few minutes. He noticed that she seemed distant, not that he could blame her.

"You know," Nathan said trying to lighten her spirits, "that one kinda looks like a guitar." Peyton laughed. It was good to see her smile, if only for a minute Nathan thought. They pointed out shapes and talked a bit longer, but soon Peyton knew she had to go back.

"Hey Nate," she said as she got back on her bike when they had come down from the tree, "thanks for this. Thanks for being my friend."

Nathan got suddenly shy. "Well, I uh, ya know... I'm sorry about your mom Peyt. And, I'm glad you're my friend too." He smiled when she did. Then she rode home, and just like she thought, no one had even noticed that she left.

Brooke came over later that evening for a few minutes. Her parents were back in town so she didn't spend much time with Peyton at all, even though she desperately wanted to. Brooke didn't like what she saw when she was finally able to be with Peyton. Peyton wasn't sad at all and it didn't seem right. She wasn't happy, or angry, she wasn't anything. She was a robot going around helping where she could, trying to stay out of the way most of the time. Brooke knew she was trying not to be noticed. Brooke didn't think it was natural, but didn't say anything. She knew instinctively to just sit next to Peyton and not push her about it. So Brooke just talked about what they always talked about. She made comments on what the adults were wearing, about how much food there was, and why people always brought so much food on occasions such as this. Peyton sat and just listened to Brooke talk. It was soothing to her. She didn't tell Brooke this. She was glad Brooke liked to talk so much. Soon enough, too soon, Brooke's parents came to get her. She left telling Peyton that her parents promised to come to the funeral.

The funeral. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay in her bed and never get up again. She knew she couldn't do that. She had to tell her mom goodbye. Actually, she had a lot to tell her mom, but now… she could never tell her anything again. Stop. She couldn't think about that right now. She had to be strong, for her father, for her mom, even for Brooke. _I'm only eight, _She thought. _No more thinking_, she told herself.

Her dad broke down at the funeral and cried so hard. She never expected that. He was always so strong, the strongest man alive. Here was yet one more reason she had to be the strong one. She wanted to make her mom proud of her. It was finally Peyton's turn to go up to her mother's casket. Her dad was supposed to have gone with her, but he couldn't move from his seat, he was crying so hard. People were with him trying to console him. Peyton slowly walked forward. How had this happened? Two weeks ago they were fine. Everything was great. Now she was at her own mother's funeral! She reaches the open casket and looks at her mother. She tried to memorize her features and everything about her. She finally spoke in a near whisper, "Mommy, I love you. I will miss you every single day. I wish you would just wake up and make everything bad thing go away forever." She paused and then spoke again, "I will take care of daddy so don't worry about him." Peyton's face was as stoic as ever. She gingerly reached out and touched her mother's thin hand. It was cold and stiff. Peyton quickly pulled her hand away and gasped. Her mother's hands had always been warm. She put on a brave face and grasped her mother's hand once more. "Goodbye mommy. I won't forget you, I promise."

With that she turned away from her mother and found Brooke standing beside her. She had been there the whole time and she didn't even know it. Brooke took Peyton's hand and put her other hand on Mrs. Sawyer's. "Thank you for always treating me like your own daughter Mrs. Sawyer. I will miss you." After that Brooke led Peyton back to her seat and sat with her through the rest of the service. She was even with her at the cemetery when her mother was lowered into the ground. She saw Nathan and he had given them a smile and a small wave. She was glad to see him there. It had been raining all day and Peyton was just fine with that. She wanted it to rain. She wanted it to storm and drive all thought and action away. She didn't want to leave her mother's grave site, and neither did Brooke. But eventually Brooke's parents took her away and Peyton's dad took her back to the waiting car.

Peyton figured out why people had brought all that food. Apparently, that's what folks did after a funeral, eat and eat. Peyton wasn't hungry. The Davis' had their daughter in a vice grip so she couldn't leave their side. Peyton assumed it was because they wanted to leave as soon as possible. Peyton sat in one of the fold-out chairs in the living room and stared at all the people. Her dad was standing beside her while people she didn't know were saying how sorry they were and said they'd do anything to help. Peyton wondered how long she had to stay there. All of sudden, she didn't care anymore about how long she was supposed to stay. She didn't care about these people, she only cared that her mother was gone and not coming back ever. She walked straight in the path of the next well-wisher and didn't even notice that she almost got knocked over. She kept heading for the stairs so she could go up to her room and shut the world out.

"Peyton!" Her dad said. He glanced at the gentleman that had barely avoided running into his daughter. "I'm sorry." He said quickly before going after his little girl.

Brooke had been watching the sight the whole time and as soon as she knew where Peyton was headed, she wrenched her hand away from her mother and rushed over to Peyton.

When Peyton reached the stairs she stopped cold in her tracks. Everything hit her at once, all the feelings and emotion that she had tried to keep away no longer stayed down inside the hole in her heart, but rose to the surface in one violent eruption. She just stood there staring up the stairs. This whole time she had been brave, this whole time. She didn't want to be brave anymore. She wanted her mother to be upstairs waiting for her to read her a story, or show her how to draw things, or just to hug her for no reason. She felt a well starting to burst inside of her. Just then she felt her father's hand on her shoulder. She couldn't stand it any longer. She didn't look back but just ran upstairs as fast as she could. She went past her mother's drawing room which she couldn't bare to look into, past her parent's bedroom and into her own room and slammed the door shut.

Larry just stood at the foot of the stairs dumbstruck. He knew his daughter hadn't started grieving yet, and now that she did he didn't know how he could possibly comfort her. He sensed a small presence beside him and looked down. Brooke, of course. She looked up at him with a question in her eyes. He nodded. He knew what his daughter needed right now, and what Brooke needed as well, each other. That was how they would make it through this. After Brooke started up the stairs, he headed over to her parents to tell them she would be staying here tonight.

Brooke went slowly up the stairs and then down the hall. She had no idea what to say to her best friend, or even what kind of state she would find her in. She stopped at Peyton's closed bedroom door. She considered knocking, but quickly rejected that idea knowing she would get no answer. As quietly as she could Brooke opened the door and slipped in shutting the door again behind her. She could see where Peyton was right away. There was a small lump on the bed under the covers. Brooke slipped her shoes off and gently pulled up the comforter a little so she could slide inside the warm bed. She was met by a mass of curly hair. Brooke slid her arms around her small friend and squeezed. She felt Peyton's hands instantly reach up and hug her tightly around her shoulders. Peyton was shaking with sobs. To Brooke it seemed like Peyton was holding on for dear life, and Brooke promised herself right then that she would always be there for Peyton, that she would never let go of her best friend. She said as much, "We're gonna get through this together P. Sawyer." That was the first time Brooke had ever called Peyton by a nickname, but Brooke just thought it fit her right then. After all, everything had changed now. Nothing would ever be the same. Brooke spoke one last time, "I love you, and I always will." After that she just held on tight to her shaking best friend.

After a few minutes had passed, Peyton said weakly, her voice shaking, "I love you too, B. Davis, forever."

They both drifted off to sleep after that, both knowing nothing would ever be right and true again, but both knowing that as long as they held on to each other they would somehow be okay. They would make it. But life was waiting, and neither girl knew how hard the promises made tonight would be to keep.


	2. Chapter 2

**My Sweetest Downfall**

_Chapter 2 - 9 years later_

Sometimes breathing takes a lot of work. The work wasn't something she liked or disliked. It just was. Kind of like feeling, except she didn't like to feel, not at all. She didn't even like the good feelings, because if they weren't fake, then she knew they wouldn't last.

There was no point to it all.

But, she knew what she could do with her feelings. She could put them on paper and keep them there so they would stay out of her heart. She drew feelings as objects, angry words, and people.

She was drawing right now, which meant she had been feeling something. Guilt. Self abhorrence. Anger. Hate. Right now the seventeen year old blonde had an obsession with the sea. Especially when it was stormy. She had never imagined that anything could fully encompass what she felt inside so completely. The high waves crashing angrily into each other, the sky that couldn't decide whether to be dark blue or completely black in the middle of the afternoon, and the sounds of it all like the sound of the wind blowing through the hole in her heart, all of it drew her to the mad ocean. She belonged here.

She spent many nights flirting with the idea of giving herself to the sea. One night she had decided to do just that. She had woken up screaming again from yet another nightmare. No one could hear her of course because of the sounds of the ship and the ocean. She was thankful for that at least, that her father didn't have to hear what his daughter was screaming. She didn't sleep well on the ship, not because of the constant movement-she never got seasick-, but because every time she closed her eyes she saw her…and then it turned into him. She couldn't run fast enough or far enough.

She had jumped onto the floor of her cabin in her bare feet and climbed up onto the deck. She had been there long enough to know the habits of the night shift and how to avoid them. She snuck past the crew area to her favorite place on the ship. It was the highest point you could go without being spotted by the lookout, and still be able to lean over the railing and gaze into the fathoms below. She did that for awhile. She didn't think. She didn't want to. She had done enough thinking about everything and she was tired of it. She was tired. She gripped the railing with white knuckles and stared into her dark obsession. She didn't know how long she had been there when she felt moisture on her face. She swiped her hand at her cheek before she realized it was tears. She was crying. She hadn't cried since the day her dad brought her onboard his ship. So why the hell was she crying now? She was a bit perplexed by this. She wasn't sobbing, and she wasn't feeling any emotion whatsoever. The tears were just falling from her eyes. _What the hell is wrong with me? Oh, right, I'm freaking insane now._ "Dammit!" Now she was feeling something: anger at herself for crying for no fucking reason. She felt weak all over again. She couldn't even commit suicide right. _What a joke!_

She wiped her face with her sleeve, and as she did she noticed the ring on her right hand ring finger. A tungsten band with an inscription on the inside: _PS & BD forever._ Its partner with the same inscription was on her best friend's finger somewhere else in the world. She twisted the ring with her left hand. She had never taken it off since the day Brooke Davis gave it to her. It had been a warm, sunny day last summer in Tree Hill. The two best friends had spent the summer together. Looking back on it, Peyton realized it had been the last summer they would ever spend together. So she thought it was fitting that they had decided to celebrate their 'forever friendship' with the rings they bought for each other. They had no idea how things would turn out. They didn't know that HE would be coming to take over Peyton's life.

She couldn't decide who she hated worse; herself or him. _Does it matter?_ He took everything away from her. _Or did I do that to myself?_ He didn't know anything about her and yet he controlled her completely. Every thought, every action, every emotion, was either restricted or prompted by his very whim. She absolutely hated him.

Her friends could never know or understand. What would they think of her? Could they see past it? Could she tell them and make them understand? No. Every single one of her closest friends would be hurt by her if they knew. She couldn't let that happen. They had all been through so much already. This would kill them. _It's killing me._

Maybe it would be over now. Maybe now that she was gone, he would forget, or be too busy with something else: another scandal to take advantage of. Then again, Evil doesn't forget. She wouldn't go back. Ever.

The only peace she had found was in working on her father's dredging boat with him, and in drawing her sea. She could stare out at this ocean forever. Now it would own her, and she would never have to leave. Day after day she worked herself until she could barely stand. Her father was so proud of her. When he smiled at her, she smiled back and sometimes it was actually genuine. She was glad to spend this time with him, before everything ended. This way he could always have these memories of her. She owed him that.

She had gotten strong again and well-tanned. The withdrawal shakes had stopped after about the first month. She was eating well. Now if she could only sleep. But it wouldn't matter anymore after tonight. Tonight it ended. She had waited as long as she dared. Two days, and they would be back in port. Back home. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't face him again. She wasn't strong enough. It was a nice summer, but now it was over.

Brooke would be okay now, right? He wouldn't do anything to her and her family with Peyton out of the way. _She has to be okay!_ If she didn't die here, then she would die in Tree Hill, but this way Brooke never has to know why. She can stay protected and safe. She could live her life and be happy with Lucas.

Everyone would say how tragic the accident was and how she had her whole life ahead of her. They could say whatever they wanted for all she cared. The only person whose thoughts she cared about was Brooke Davis. But Brooke was strong, much stronger than her. Brooke would be fine. It would hurt her, and Peyton hated that, but it couldn't be helped. No one would know until morning. She had left no notes. There was no other way.

She stepped up onto the ship's railing and stood with the help of a rope that had been tied off. She kept hold of the rope with her left hand so as to keep her balance. The wind came up and blew through her blonde curls. She wasn't crying anymore. She felt nothing, although she couldn't still her rapidly beating heart. She looked out toward the dark horizon and took deep breaths in an attempt to take the world into herself one last time. One last glimpse of her world as she would remember it. Dark. She then, once again directed her gaze down into the watery depths. As she did though, her eye caught a sparkle of light coming off of her ring, the same ring that Brooke had given to her. Right at that moment a well of emotion that she hadn't felt in six months surged through her whole body. Love. Her love for Brooke. Peyton pictured her beautiful face with that smile and those dimples. It was too much. She brought her arm up in front of her body as if to hold the waves of emotion off with her hand. She was actually sobbing now, wailing even. Her heart couldn't take it.

She dropped her hand and looked back up at the horizon. She whispered into the night, "I love you Brooke." She bent her knees…and jumped…


	3. Chapter 3

My Sweetest Downfall

Chapter 3 – Six Months Earlier

_They have been in there for almost an hour! _Dan Scott was getting frustrated. He was a patient man, but this was a little ridiculous. From what he could tell, the two of them were dress shopping for their high school formal that was in couple nights. He himself would be attending as a chaperone along with his wife and Karen. He grimaced at the thought.

Karen was the mother of his first-born, Lucas, the son he didn't claim. He was always awkward around Karen and Lucas. His wife Deb was certainly no help. She had even made herself Karen's best friend.

Nowadays, Dan was barely hanging onto his wife. After his heart attack she had helped him to recover, but now that he was healthy once more she would surely want her divorce again.

Since his heart attack, he knew Deb wouldn't be around forever, so he had started looking for another way to control his two sons, Nathan and Lucas. Now he had found her.

Peyton Sawyer. She was Nathan's best friend when they were children. He remembered them playing together in that little tree house of theirs. More recently however, Peyton had taken on the role of Nathan's girlfriend. Then he found Haley and went off and got married. Now though, Peyton had become the interest of his other son, Lucas; while still remaining a best friend of Nathan. _What better way to mess with them both?_

He knew that Peyton's best friend had been Brooke Davis since they were little. Nathan had been Brooke's best friend as well, and he always wondered why Nathan had never taken Brooke as his girlfriend. She was everything Nathan deserved: rich, well-born, and not bad to look at either. But, he had heard rumors about Brooke's promiscuity, and he had also gotten to know Peyton as well when she had been Nathan's girlfriend. It didn't take him long to figure out why Nathan had chosen Peyton. Simple. She was a challenge. He commended his son for the conquest.

Dan Scott looked in his rearview mirror as he waited on the girls. He looked deep into his own eyes and wondered at what he had become. What he taking this too far? Of course not! He was well respected in the community, he was a proud father. His sons needed him and he was going to help them whether they wanted it or not, even if that meant he had to teach them a lesson or two.

There were two things Dan had always been: patient and observant. He noticed the little things. That's why he was always at least one step ahead of the game. He had been following Peyton for a few weeks now. He had noticed quite a few things while watching her. Peyton was a loner, except when her friends made her go out with them. She was quite a good little artist which surprised him. He knew that she would doodle things when she was with Nathan, but he didn't know that it was anything more than that. He knew her father was away for at least nine months out of the year, which was very convenient for him.

Peyton was the perfect candidate for his operation, but the problem was she was squeaky clean. The one exception being her short stint with cocaine, which he was planning on using to his full advantage. But it was all going to be for nothing unless he could find a way to blackmail her. He soon thought he would have to give up and start over on someone else, but then it came to him in the form of an email. His way in was with Brooke, more specifically, Brooke's parents. He had noticed one other thing about Peyton. It had turned out to be the most important thing of all: Peyton Sawyer would do anything to protect her best friend, Brooke Davis.

The email had come from a close client of his in L.A. He didn't know why he didn't think of this angle sooner. Thomas and Victoria Davis were very rich, and then they weren't. He now knew why. It was perfect. He had just one more item to take care of: find the time and place.

_There they are._ He allowed himself a small smile.

Brooke and Peyton were laughing together, arm in arm when they came out of the dress shop. They exchanged a few more words and went their separate ways. Peyton was alone and walking to her car, but Dan still didn't think the time was right. He felt he still had more to see before he committed himself. Observation was key.

Peyton missed Jake. She often wondered how he was doing, what Jenny was up to, and if they'd had any more trouble with Nikki. She had been thinking about them a lot lately, mostly because her life wasn't so great right now. Sure, she and Brooke were best friends again and that was great, but for some reason she couldn't pull herself out of this funk. She wished her mom were here, everyday she wished that.

Peyton visited her mom's gravesite more often lately. In fact, that is where she was headed now. She had just left the dress shop where she surprised Brooke by buying her the exact dress she wanted for the formal. Peyton was really glad she was able to do things like that for Brooke now. Brooke had never needed her in that capacity before because she had always been rich. Now Brooke had to watch every penny. Peyton's heart was warmed by the look on Brooke's face when she found out that Peyton had bought her the dress.

Anna Sawyer was buried in the Tree Hill cemetery. It was a pretty spot with lots of trees. Peyton was glad it was so peaceful. Sometimes when she was really down, she would sit there for hours with her mother and talk about things, or just enjoy being in her mother's presence. Today Peyton wanted to talk about the formal, among other things.

As she got out of her car, she didn't notice the suburban pulling in a few rows over. She was too deep in thought while walking the path to her mother's grave.

Dan watched Peyton from behind his tinted windows as she sat down on the grass in front of the grave marker and started talking to no one in particular. He scoffed. This was going to be almost too easy. The weak were an easy prey. The time was right. Now all that was left was the place.

Brooke had been so surprised that Peyton bought her the dress she wanted. It was so expensive. She was so lucky to have a best friend like Peyton. She wished she could spend more time with her, but Brooke had Felix now and he took up a lot of her time. Brooke was finally opening her heart to him, and it had been really hard to do that since Lucas and Peyton's betrayal. Besides, Peyton had Anna now, right? Brooke was a tad bit jealous of Peyton and Anna's friendship. She knew her feeling was unwarranted, but she didn't bother to change it. Peyton would always be Brooke's best friend. They had a bond that had already survived so much, she knew it couldn't break. She never wanted it to either.

The after-formal party was all it was cracked up to be. Empty beach house, teenagers, booze, and all night long. Peyton was looking around for Brooke, but she couldn't find her. They had gone to the formal together, but just like Felix said, Brooke didn't leave with Peyton. Peyton was glad that Brooke was happy even if it was with Felix, but she still hated that Brooke didn't have time for her. It had always been Brooke and Peyton. Lately it seemed like it was just Peyton. Peyton just didn't feel right without Brooke, she never had.

She had asked Mouth if he had seen her and he said that she was benefitting with Felix. He then took off down the steps with a full bottle of vodka. She thought for a second about going after him, but then some guy bumped her and spilled a strawberry margarita all down the front of her mother's dress. Great, this night was turning out horrible.

Peyton left without ever finding Brooke. She was at home trying to get the stain out of her dress. No, not her dress, her mom's dress. What had she been thinking wearing it to some stupid formal? She scrubbed and scrubbed for half an hour, but it just wouldn't come out. And Brooke, what the hell was she doing? She deserved someone better than Felix! He was just using her. Peyton hated him for that, and for taking away her Brooke. She was very protective of her best friend.

Peyton started crying and threw her dress in the corner. That stain was freaking permanent, just like there was a permanent stain on her friendship with Brooke. Why did she have to betray Brooke? What was so freaking important that she would sacrifice the best thing that ever happened to her? Definitely not Lucas, a boy. Brooke forgave her, but could she forgive herself? Would things ever be the same?

She couldn't take it anymore. She frantically dug in her purse for the small vial that held the cocaine that Rick had slipped in with her CD's. She took a CD from the top of her sink and poured out the contents onto the mirrored surface. As she separated the powder with another CD into two lines, she saw her tear-stained face reflected on the surface. _What the hell am I doing? Who am I? _She thought of what Brooke and Felix might be doing right at that moment. _I am no one._ She rolled up a dollar bill and quickly snorted both lines.

"AAARRRRGGHHH!" She yelled as she threw the CD against the bathroom wall. She put both hands on the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She stayed like that for half an hour looking into her own eyes, before she wiped her nose of the excess white powder.

She laughed. She laughed so hard she backed up and hit the wall only to slide down and hit the floor.

Anna knocked on Peyton's door. It seemed like she had been apologizing to Peyton a lot lately, but she had to do it again tonight to clear the air between them. No answer of course. What did she expect? The door was always unlocked so she walked inside and up the stairs.

She found Peyton on her bed drawing and listening to her ipod. "Peyton," she said and got her attention.

Peyton looked up with hope in her eyes, but it was only Anna. She acted quickly to hide her disappointment. They talked for a bit about Anna's issues and Peyton forgave her again, and said she could crash there tonight.

But Anna had one more issue to bring up. "Peyton, I went inside your purse tonight to borrow your lipstick and I found…"

"Stop. I already flushed it, so don't worry about it."

Anna smiled. "I'm proud of you Peyton."

Peyton smiled too. When had it become so easy to lie?

The next day at school Peyton showed Brooke her locker that had "Dyke" spray painted on it, right after Brooke had told her about the rock that had been thrown through her car's windshield. Things were getting worse, but the upside was that Brooke was with her because she had broken up with Felix. Even though everyone at school looked at her like she was the devil, Brooke never left her side.

Brooke just said. "The old P. Sawyer would have just rolled with this."

To which Peyton responded. "I haven't been the old P. Sawyer for awhile now." She didn't think Brooke even got what she meant.

Peyton didn't feel like hanging around school for people to stare at her some more so she skipped. Brooke didn't come with her. She had a quiz. Peyton would've come in a second if Brooke had asked her. _I guess I'm lucky to have what little of her time I can get._

The next day she came to school with "Dyke" spray painted on her t-shirt and got suspended.

Brooke had been worried about Peyton for awhile now. She hadn't liked what Peyton said about not being the old P. Sawyer. She made up her mind that she was going to make a new effort to be there for her best friend. After all, she loved this girl. But Brooke had been so busy lately, with her dad losing his job, with selling everything she owned, with Felix. She had so much going on right now, besides could she really open herself up to Peyton again after everything? She had forgiven her yes, but was it safe, safe to love with all her heart again? She couldn't answer that question.

Felix just told her that he wanted everything with her, that she would be safe to open her heart to him. She had accepted! Now he was in the shower. She didn't think that after Lucas this would be possible again. Could she really be happy again?

She heard a knock at the door. "Peyton!" Brooke was so glad to see her best friend. She wanted to tell her everything that had just happened with Felix, but then she saw the look in her best friend's eyes and knew that something was wrong.

She pulled her into a hug. "Peyton, what is it?"

They sat on Brooke's bed. "Brooke, I've been going through so much and-and I really need you right now." Peyton broke down in tears.

"Oh P. Sawyer I'm here for you. What's wrong?" Brooke hadn't seen Peyton break down so quickly in a long time.

"Brooke I did something…"

Just then Felix came out of the bathroom in only a towel.

"Oh," Peyton stuttered, "I didn't…I thought that…I'm gonna go. I'm sorry Brooke."

"No, Peyton no," Brooke hated that Felix was here right then, "don't go Peyton, please!"

"No, it's fine Brooke, really." She put on her best fake smile.

Brooke saw right through it. "Peyton, wait!"

Peyton turned slightly from the open door. "It's okay Brook. I'll just …um…" With that she left and didn't look back.

Brooke knew she should've run after her. Peyton was really hurting, but Felix was looking at her and she was so confused with everything at that moment. She let her go. Brooke would always look back on this moment with regret. She could've changed things right then, but she just didn't. She would blame herself for what was to come for a long time.

Peyton was still suspended from school so she went to Tric the next morning to cancel House of Freaks because she hadn't been able to find a band to play it. She hated that. The one thing she was responsible for, the one thing Karen had trusted her with, the one thing she was proud of and she couldn't follow through. _ What a joke!_

"So, you are cancelling the only thing that helps you from going crazy in this small town. Why am I not surprised?"

That voice shot fear through her heart! She didn't have to turn around to know who was behind her. "What do you want Mr. Scott?" She sighed.

"Oh just a moment of your time if you please," Dan said politely, "and to borrow your computer." He gestured toward the computer that she had been working on.

"Why would I want to do that?" She asked. She wasn't in a good mood today.

"Oh trust me, Peyton." He held up a DVD. "You will want to see this. It has to do with a certain best friend of yours. Brooke Davis, is it?" He smiled.

"I will never trust you Mr. Scott." Peyton snarled.

"Please, call me Dan. You and I will be getting to know each other very well, I'm sure, especially if you want to protect Brooke." He never lost that creepy smile on his face.

That got her attention. "What about Brooke?"

"Well, I'll tell you." He moved closer and Peyton backed up without thinking about it. "Thomas Davis recently lost his job as we all know. Another thing we all know is how close Brooke is with her parents." He smirked at this. "But what we don't know is how old Tom lost his job, and more importantly how he plans to obtain new employment."

"I don't understand." She didn't have a clue to what he was getting at, but she didn't like the feeling that grew in the pit of her stomach.

He cocked his head and kept smiling. "You will, just be patient." He accessed the computer that Peyton had unknowing backed away from and popped in the DVD. "Now if you'll indulge me."

"It seems I don't have a choice." Peyton said, a scowl firmly planted on her face.

As the DVD was queuing up, Dan said, "Now the first scene was at Tom's first job, and the second is actually inside his potential employer's home."

Dan and Peyton both watched as he pressed play. Thomas Davis was in an office. He got up from his desk and greeted a teenage boy as he came inside the room. The next things Peyton saw were a desk being cleared, rough kissing, clothes going everywhere, naked bodies gyrating. Another man walked into the room and started yelling and grabbing his heart. She thought she would be sick, and then the scene switched to a bedroom. There was another boy and Mr. Davis was already on top of him. This time they were able to finish. They got dressed and Mr. Davis went down stairs. The boy went to the window and stared outside for awhile. Suddenly the camera was at the window looking down toward the driveway. There was Mr. Davis shaking hands with a man, presumably the boy's father. The DVD ended there.

Peyton was sick now. She felt like puking her guts out. Brooke would be devastated if she knew about this, let alone if she was made to see it. But Dan Scott brought up some things she never thought about.

"Peyton, Thomas Davis will get that job. His family will be back to normal. Brooke won't be destitute anymore…if I give the okay to his employer. You see, if you haven't already figured it out, I have someone who owes me a favor in L.A. where the second scene was filmed. Tom would have a job, Victoria wouldn't find out and demand a divorce, and more importantly for you, Brooke would never have to know."

Peyton was horrified and speechless.

Dan kept going. "Now I know what you are thinking. If old Tom gets that job in L.A. then Brooke would have to move. But I have that covered. Thomas and Victoria will be so busy with their new lives in L.A. royalty that they won't want their daughter around anymore than they do now. And I'm sure she has plenty of friends here in Tree Hill that would be glad to put her up." He paused. "That is, if I put bugs in certain people's ears. But if not, who knows what will happen to Brooke, right?"

Peyton swallowed, but her throat was dry. Brooke loved her parents. They wanted nothing to do with her, but she wanted everything to do with them. This would kill her. Peyton knew she would do anything to keep Brooke's heart safe.

Peyton looked at Dan. "What do you want?" She said weakly.

Dan allowed himself a small smile. "Simple, I want you."

Peyton's eyes got big.

He went on. "I want your body; when I want, where I want, and how I want. Starting now. You agree to that and I'll let Brooke have her fairytale life."

Peyton couldn't believe what she was hearing. How could this be happening?

"Tell you what; I'll even make the pot sweeter. I'll give you an escape route for you mind. I'll pay Rick myself for your drug habit."

Peyton's jaw dropped. "How do you know about that?" She yelled.

He smiled an evil smile. "Peyton, don't ever underestimate me. I know everything. So what will it be? You be responsible for Brooke's downfall, or your own?"

Peyton opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't form words.

Dan dropped the hammer. "Alright, just give me a minute and I'll be out of your hair. I just have to send a quick email."

"No!" Peyton yelled, then in a weak, defeated voice she said, "no, I-I'll do it." She was barely audible, but he heard her.

_Too easy, _he thought.

"Good decision Peyton. I knew you were a bright girl." Dan looked around. "I'll go easy on you the first time. Come on." He grabbed her arm and led her to the bathroom.

He locked the door and pushed her up against the wall while he unzipped his pants. She struggled as he pulled her pants down, but he pushed harder.

She felt like she was outside her body watching this happen to someone else. She was disgusted at the girl against the wall letting Dan Scott to this to her. When he was done, he zipped his pants and she fell to the floor stunned.

He washed his hands and dried them. "Well Peyton, nice doing business with you. Remember, next time it won't be so easy." He smiled at her and threw a wad of cash on the floor beside her. "That should cover Rick for awhile, but know this: an overdosed Peyton can't keep Brooke happy and protected. Well, you have my number. I'll be calling."

He turned to leave, but then looked over his shoulder. "Oh, and you can keep the DVD as a souvenir. I have quite a few more." With that he was gone.

Peyton stayed on the floor awhile longer trying to understand what had just happened. The nausea hit her like a sledge hammer. She ran to the toilet and puked her guts out until she was dry heaving.

She stumbled over to the sink and cleaned herself up. She finished up at Tric quickly and walked out to her car. She stopped and looked up at the clouded sky. She came to a realization. _I am nothing. I am here on this planet to protect Brooke, and then I'm done here._ She followed a single drop of rain from a single cloud as it landed on her cheek. Then it started pouring down.

She got in her car and pulled out her phone. It picked up after one ring. "Rick, hi…"


	4. Chapter 4

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 4 – Disgust

When Peyton got home the first thing she did was shed her clothes and jump into the shower. She made sure the water was scalding hot. She scrubbed her body all over twice, but she still didn't feel clean.

When she got out she threw her clothes into the washer and started it up. Then she started cleaning. She started with her room, and then moved on to the rest of the house. She didn't stop until the whole house was clean. When she had nothing else to clean she sat on her bed and checked her phone. She had a couple missed calls from Brooke and one from Haley. She didn't feel like talking right now, she just wanted to hide out today. She texted both of them: 'Sorry, can't talk today,' and threw her phone on her nightstand.

She was restless, and decided to go for a run. It was late evening by then. She threw on some sweats and headed outside. She ran hard and fast, not stopping before the first half hour. When she did stop, she grabbed her knees and tried to catch her breath. She saw tears falling to the sidewalk below her and realized she had been crying, probably the whole time. She cursed herself for being so damn weak.

She wiped her face off and kept going. It was dark before she returned to her doorstep again. She walked into her room and heard her phone going off. She ignored it as she dropped items of clothing to the floor on her way to the shower. She let the water run cold this time, and when she got out, dried off, and put some clean clothes on, she finally felt clean. She almost smiled…almost.

111

Brooke hung up when she got Peyton's voicemail yet again. She didn't buy that text that Peyton had sent her. Something was wrong with her best friend, and Peyton was doing what she did best: pull away from the people she needs. Brooke wasn't going to let her do that.

Felix was sitting on her bed when she hung up her phone. "You know Brooke, best friends grow apart sometimes. Maybe she doesn't need you as much as you think."

Brooke glared at him, but didn't say anything. That was not going to happen to her and Peyton! Brooke wouldn't let it. _If she doesn't need me, I surely need her. No, I know she still needs me._ Brooke knew in her heart that Peyton had been going through something lately. With Peyton being suspended now, Brooke didn't get to see her everyday at school to be able to figure out what was up with her best friend. She knew she had been neglecting Peyton lately to be with Felix, but Felix had just been so great with her heart. She was giving herself a chance to be happy again.

Happy, right, the only way for Brooke to be truly happy would be for…but no. _I can't even think like that!_ _She would totally freak out. I would totally freak out. No way. _

"Brooke?" Felix drew her out of her thoughts. "Where'd you go?"

Brooke looked up at him. "Um, look Felix, I gotta go."

"But…"

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said as she pushed him out the door.

If there was one thing she was sure of right now, it was that Peyton needed her at this moment. She could feel it. Ever since they were little kids, Brooke knew when Peyton was hurting, and Peyton knew when Brooke was hurting. That's just the way it was. She grabbed her purse and jumped into her car. She was going to be there for Peyton tonight.

When she pulled up to Peyton's house the lights were off. _So, Peyt's not home. I'll just surprise her._ Brooke went inside and up to her bedroom. She plopped herself on Peyton's bed and reached for a magazine to pass the time.

111

Peyton got out of her car. She looked around the dark alley carefully. She was a tiny bit scared. This was her first drug deal, and she didn't know if she should be slinking back into a shadow somewhere or just hanging by her car. She decided the car was a safe bet.

"Peyton?" Someone said behind her.

She jumped and turned around quickly to face the voice. "Rick?"

Rick chuckled. "High school girls," he said to himself.

When he got close enough he said, "Is this what you're looking for?" He held out a small bag of white powder.

She reached out to take it, but he snatched it back. "Hey, you got some cash for me?" He asked.

"Um, yeah." She reached into her jean pocket and pulled out the wad of cash that Dan had given her and selected a couple bills. "Here," she said, but couldn't quite look him in the eye.

"Alright then, here ya go." He held out the bag and she grabbed it, but when he didn't let it go right away she looked up at him questioningly. "You're gonna be okay kid." He said, and let go finally.

"Uh, yeah thanks." She mumbled quietly.

He smiled, turned and left.

She let out a breath as she stuffed the bag into her leather jacket pocket. She got into her car and looked at herself in her rearview mirror. _What the hell am I doing?_ She closed her eyes for a second, then sighed again and drove out of the alley.

Peyton was so exhausted when she got home. All she wanted to do was snort a line of coke and go to bed, but when she stepped inside her room she about jumped out of her skin. "Brooke!" She said, momentarily shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"Geez Peyt, jumpy much?" Brooke chuckled, seeing the humor in the situation. "I thought I'd surprise you," Brooke said, as she got up and gave Peyton a huge hug that they both needed.

Peyton's heart warmed at the hug, and a flame burned in her chest. She hated feeling this way! It wasn't right. No one should feel this way about their best friend. She ignored the feelings like always. "Well, this is definitely a surprise." She said as she pulled out of the hug.

Brooke had her trademark smile on, the one with the dimples that Peyton loved. "Ok," Brooke said excitedly, "what are we doing tonight? Because you have me all night P. Sawyer."

"Oh," Peyton said, slightly disappointed about not being able to do the coke, "what about Felix?"

"Felix can be with himself tonight. Besides P. Sawyer, I know when you need me, and tonight you need me." Brooke said confidently.

Peyton chuckled at her best friend. "Ok, Brooke. But I was just gonna go to bed because I am exhausted right now."

"Bad day?" Brooke looked into her eyes. She was surprised to see a hollowness in them that hadn't been there before.

Peyton nodded. She had no idea.

"See, I told you. You need me tonight." They both smiled, and Brooke pulled Peyton to the bed and plopped them both down with a bounce.

"Brooke!" Peyton exclaimed. "At least let me take my coat off." Peyton got off the bed and hung her jacket on a chair making sure the little bag was well hidden inside the pocket. Peyton looked over at Brooke all stretched out on her bed and smiled a real smile. "Brooke, thanks. I mean, I really did need you to come over tonight. You don't know what I've been through lately." Peyton said too much before she could stop herself and hoped that Brooke wouldn't jump on those words.

_Not a chance of that_, she realized as Brooke spoke. "Peyton, you sit down right here and tell me everything that has been going on with you, and don't leave anything out." Brooke patted the bed beside her as she said this.

Peyton dutifully sat down in the spot Brooke indicated. Brooke was too good to her she knew. She was so lucky to have her as her best friend. _So, what could it hurt to tell her, right?_ She would just leave out the parts about Dan and drugs. Easy. She could always talk to Brooke. Peyton felt a swelling in her chest suddenly. "Brooke," Peyton looked at the brunette sheepishly, "I love you."

"Oh Peyt, I love you too, always." Brooke smiled again at her best friend, but she also worried. Peyton was hardly ever quick to state her feelings like that, so something had to be bothering her. For some reason though, Brooke didn't think Peyton would really tell her what it was. Brooke decided that she wouldn't push, not only because Peyton didn't respond well to that, but also because she wanted to give Peyton a good night, as free of stress as she could manage.

So Peyton and Brooke talked well into the night about everything and nothing. They had both needed this time together. Brooke just hoped it was enough to get Peyton to open up to her again soon. Brooke could tell that Peyton was holding something back, and she hoped that when Peyton did tell her, she would be able to help.

Right before they fell asleep Brooke said, "Peyton, you know that whatever you're going through, or whatever happens that you can tell me and I'll do my best to be there for you."

"I know Brooke, and the same goes for you too, always." Peyton said sweetly, but she knew that couldn't possibly tell Brooke about her father, let alone Dan and the drugs. It would break her completely. She reminded herself that she was doing this all for Brooke. Yeah, she may have been going through a tough time lately in dealing with her own issues, but after Dan's visit today, Peyton now had a new perspective. She had made it her goal in life to protect Brooke if it killed her. After today, she kinda hoped it did kill her. _Where did that thought come from?_

She didn't think about it anymore after that because Brooke snuggled up close to her side and got comfortable. Peyton never slept better than when Brooke was with her, and neither did Brooke.


	5. Chapter 5

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 5 – Half truth

Brooke awoke with the alarm on her phone. She looked over at Peyton who was still dead to the world. Not for the first time Brooke wished she was suspended from school too. She decided to ignore her alarm and instead snuggled closer to Peyton. What the heck, she could be a few minutes late.

Peyton opened her eyes when she felt Brooke getting closer to her. She didn't know if Brooke was awake yet, so she stayed still. Peyton wished she could go to school, but then she couldn't believe she was wishing that. What had the world come to? But school was definitely better than what could potentially happen today. Yesterday, she had been so relieved to have some time off from school, even though it would definitely not look good on her transcripts. There was nothing she could do about it now. Today though, she had fear in her heart. Yesterday, she could do anything she wanted with her life. Today, there was no opportunity, no exciting potential, nothing she wanted to be or do or create. It was just here. Today was here, and she had to endure it. The girl in bed next to her was worth it though. She could do anything for her. Peyton sighed.

"You're awake." Brooke said.

"You too." Peyton brought her hand up to smooth out Brooke's hair. "You're gonna be late." Peyton said after a minute.

"Yeah, I know. I'd rather be here with you right now than have to wade through the masses to get to class on time." Brooke hugged Peyton tighter as she said this, and Peyton smiled.

Brooke was the one thing in her life that was worth anything. Peyton hoped Brooke knew how much she thought of her. "Well, I'd rather you be with me too, but I gotta get to Tric and explain to Karen why I had to cancel House of Freaks."

"Oh alright." Brooke sighed as she got out of bed and padded her way to the bathroom.

Peyton watched her go with a smile on her face, but her smile was dropped instantly when she remembered the events from yesterday. She remembered Dan's face when he pulled down her pants.

"Brooke!" Peyton screamed frantically as she sat up in bed.

Brooke popped her head back out of the bathroom at Peyton's cry. She had a toothbrush in her mouth. "What's the matter?" She said, concerned.

"Um…" Peyton hurriedly searched for a reason that she would have suddenly yelled Brooke's name, but she couldn't think of anything but Dan's face right at the moment.

Brooke disappeared back into the bathroom for a second before coming out without her toothbrush and rushed over to where Peyton sat on the bed. "Peyton honey, what's wrong?" She said as she wiped Peyton's face clear of tears.

Peyton didn't know she was crying, and couldn't figure out why the hell she had started crying either. She started to look at Brooke but found that she couldn't look her in the eye. "Uh…I dunno." She shrugged.

Brooke lifted Peyton's chin up with her fingers so she could see her eyes. "Peyton, talk to me. I know something has been bothering you, and now I know it has to be bad." When Peyton didn't respond, Brooke said, "come on P. Sawyer, you can trust me!"

"I know Brooke, I know I can trust you, and I do, completely." As Peyton said this, her voice cracked.

"But…" Brooke prompted.

"But," Peyton said, "I-I can't tell you." Brooke's mouth dropped open to say something, but Peyton quickly went on. "It's not something I want to keep from you Brooke, because I want us to be able to tell each other everything. Just know I'm doing something worth doing, and it's because… Well, I uh, it's because…I love you." She finished with a weak voice.

Brooke was a tad bit dumbfounded. "Because you love me? Peyton, I don't understand. Why can't you tell me why you're upset and crying? I'm your best friend and I want to know right this second so I can stop whatever is hurting you." Brooke's voice had gotten continually louder while saying this.

"I know you've had a hard time trusting me after what happened with Lucas, but Brooke, I'm asking you to trust me now. Please trust me Brooke." Peyton pleaded.

At the mention of Lucas, Brooke's eyes narrowed, but she scolded herself. She had forgiven Peyton awhile ago, and they were friends once again. She didn't want anything to come between them ever again. Brooke sighed, and caressed Peyton's face. "I do trust you Peyton, but just know that I have a hard time knowing you are hurting and not being able to help you at all. I hated that when we were fighting. I hated not being able to comfort you while you were hurting even though I was causing the hurt."

"But you are helping me Brooke; just by being here you're helping me. Your heart is something I don't deserve. It's so big and beautiful, and I don't deserve it, not one bit." Peyton started crying again, but Brooke caught every tear.

"Peyton," Brooke protested. "Who was there for me when my parents were fighting so loud that the neighbors called the police, huh? And, who was it that punched James McKnight in the face when he said I was a slut? Who joined the cheerleading squad when I pestered and pestered even though she hated cheerleading? Who is always here for me no matter what? You, Peyton, don't ever doubt that you deserve my heart, because there is no one else in this world I could ever give it to." Brooke wished that Peyton knew how true that was.

Peyton reached for Brooke's hand and squeezed it tight. "Thank you Brooke." Peyton closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't know what I would do without you. You are my rock." When she opened her eyes, Brooke was crying too. "Oh, Brooke." Peyton grabbed her friend around the neck and hugged her tight.

After a minute Brooke pulled away and said, "Ok Peyton, I will trust you, but I want you to come to me with anything…anytime you need me, anywhere you need me. Promise?"

"Promise." Peyton nodded, then smiled and hugged Brooke again. "Oh, now you really are gonna be late." She said when she glanced at the clock.

Brooke just shrugged. "You're worth it." She said, then jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. Just before she closed the door, she popped her head out and said, "I love you too Peyton."

111

Peyton walked into Tric and looked for Karen, but she wasn't there yet, so she started doing the inventory by herself. She was a couple hours into the process when she really had to pee. She hadn't consciously been avoiding the bathroom, but now she realized that was exactly what she was doing. _Fuck, this is stupid._ It was just a bathroom. She dropped her clipboard on the bar and headed into the bathroom to relieve herself. She avoided looking at the spot where Dan had violated her and went straight into the stall. _This isn't bad at all. _She finished up and washed her hands at the sink. It was the very sink that Dan had washed his hands at when he was done with her. Before she knew what she was doing she was breathing hard. She started sweating. She couldn't dry her hands off fast enough. _Screw it! _She ran to the door and pushed it open as hard as she could and leaned against the wall outside of the bathroom. She was so lightheaded, so she slid down the wall and sat with her head between her knees.

"Peyton, are you okay?"

Peyton looked up sharply. It was Karen. She was rushing over to where Peyton was sitting. "Oh hi Karen, I'm fine, really." Peyton lied.

"You don't look fine. You're sweating." Karen put her hand to Peyton's forehead.

"Um, you know, I think I may be a bit claustrophobic." Peyton said, she was still trying to calm her breathing.

"Well, I should say so." Karen said, and Peyton hoped she bought it. "Come here, let me get you some water." Karen helped her up and led her over to a stool at the bar.

After Peyton drank some water, Karen asked, "All better now?"

Peyton nodded. "Thanks Karen. Sorry about that."

"Hey, no sorry required. I'm just glad you're ok. You scared me for a minute." Karen reached across the counter and rubbed her back. "Now, let's talk about House of Freaks. Why did you cancel it?"

Peyton swallowed. "Well um, I-I couldn't get a band to play." She said, suddenly very interested in the tile on the bar. "I'm sorry." She hoped Karen wasn't too disappointed in her.

"Peyton, it's okay. You know what?" Karen said. "I shouldn't have put so much pressure on you. And now after witnessing the scene by the bathroom, I know I've put too much pressure on you."

"No, Karen, that's not it." Peyton said, trying to make Karen understand. "I really want you to be able to count on me, and I let you down."

"Peyton, I don't think I could've gotten the bands you have gotten so far to play here, in fact, I know I couldn't have made the club this successful without you." Karen looked her in the eyes to make sure she believed her.

"Well, thanks Karen." Peyton half smiled, and paused for a moment. "But, I have to be honest right now. As much as I love doing this, I really have a lot going on right now with school and everything. Maybe I should scale back a bit." Peyton hated to say that, because this had always been her passion and she loved it. But, she didn't know what the future held with this new situation she had gotten herself into, or if she even had a future.

"Okay Peyton, okay." Karen said softly. "I want you to do as much or as little as you want, and Deb and I will work out the rest. Okay? Don't worry about it. Go be a teenager! Have fun." Karen smiled at her and Peyton smiled back.

"Thank you." Peyton said.

Karen looked seriously at her. "You're welcome Peyton, and no more hyperventilating!"

Peyton chuckled slightly. "I'll try."

"Oh yeah, and since your dad's not around, no more getting suspended. Deal?"

"Deal." Peyton was a little relieved at least. Karen still liked her.


	6. Chapter 6

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 6 – Reality

Peyton's suspension ended the next day, so she was at school bright and early. Nothing eventful had happened after she had left Tric the day before, so she was in good spirits. But, Brooke had spent her day with Felix yesterday, and Peyton hadn't heard from her. _Just as well. I better get used to that. _

She was at her locker getting her English book for first hour when Principal Turner came up to her. "Hello, Miss Sawyer. I hoped you've learned from your suspension."

Peyton put her serious voice on. "I have Principal Turner, really, and I'm ready to get serious about school." Peyton didn't want any more attention from Turner.

"Oh, well, great." He hadn't expected such an answer from the girl. "And, I'm sorry we haven't painted your locker yet, but I'm sure you noticed that we did get it stripped."

"Yes, I did notice. Thank you so much." She said earnestly. She hoped he didn't catch any sarcasm.

"You are welcome. You better get going, don't want to be late for your first class back."

"You're right, thanks Principal Turner." She said as respectfully as she could and walked past him. She hoped he was satisfied with her quick rehabilitation and wouldn't go prying into her life any more, especially now with 'He Who Must Not Be Named' controlling it. She chuckled to herself at that and hoped her good mood lasted. At least she could laugh about it.

She walked into class and sat in her usual spot next to Brooke. Brooke however, was too interested in touching Felix to even notice her presence. Peyton was slightly hurt by this, since yesterday morning had meant so much to them both. But then, Brooke had looked over at her and winked before turning back to Felix. Peyton smiled at the gesture.

She felt someone tap her shoulder. It was Lucas. "Hey, rough couple of days huh?" He asked.

Peyton shrugged and was glad she didn't have to answer him because the teacher walked in at that moment. He droned on and Peyton tried her best to pay attention. She knew if she was ever to get away from Dan, she needed some good grades. She had always gotten decent grades and she never really had to try. She was grateful for that at least.

The rest of the day went by smoothly and Peyton was starting to think life wouldn't be as bad as she thought. Dan hadn't contacted her since that first time. Maybe he got it out of his system. She could always hope.

Brooke had even sat with her at lunch and talked about normal things. "So P. Sawyer, you know you're not getting out of cheer practice just because you've been gone, right?" She smiled at her with those dimples.

Peyton gave her a look. "I remember Brooke, don't worry."

"Great!" Brooke said. "Oh, guess what?" She said excitedly. "My dad got a new job!"

Peyton did her best to smile, but inside her stomach had just turned into a knot and she felt nauseous. "That's really great Brooke."

"I'll have money again." Brooke was all smiles. "It's in L.A. and when I first heard that I was devastated that I would have to leave you and Tree Hill, but then Victoria said I could stay here and go to school until I graduate." Brooke rambled on not noticing Peyton's pale face. "Guess who I'm staying with? Karen! She said it was fine since Lucas was living with Dan now."

At the mention of Dan, Peyton almost jumped, but controlled her muscles in time. "Wow," Peyton tried to sound enthusiastic. "That worked out really well!"

"I know, right?" Brooke had this glow about her, and Peyton was happy for her. Peyton was glad she was responsible for Brooke's glow, even if Brooke didn't know it.

Brooke saw Felix wave her over and Peyton had followed Brooke's gaze. Brooke got up to leave. "I'm glad you're back P." She smiled at her again. Peyton loved her smile.

Peyton went back to her sketches when she saw a shadow fall across the page. "Lucas, hey." She greeted him.

He sat down. "So I wanted to check on you. How are you?"

She couldn't believe he was asking that after ignoring her so long. "I'm fine, Lucas." She changed the subject. "How's it going with Anna?"

His face changed a bit. "Oh, we kinda broke up. Turns out I'm not her type." He smiled at that. She didn't know what he could be smiling about, but didn't care to ask.

"So you two are cool?" She asked.

"Yeah, we're cool. She's kinda doing some soul searching though." He looked at her with those squinty eyes of his.

"Oh, that's cool, I guess. I saw your mom yesterday. She's really cool Luke. I'm glad she's around and interested in our lives, you know." She hoped he would convey the message to his mom. She didn't want to ask him to do it outright.

"Thanks, I like her a lot too." He smiled. "Listen Peyton, if you ever need to talk, I'm here." He had gotten serious again.

She looked at him. He wasn't a bad guy. He had only cheated on his girlfriend with her. She guessed she was worse than him now. "Thanks, Luke. I will."

The bell rang and they walked to their next class together. Haley and Nathan caught up with them.

"Hey guys," Haley said. "It's good to see you two talking again."

Lucas spoke up and Peyton was grateful she didn't have to. "Yeah, we're cool." He said.

"Good. " Nathan said putting his arm around Peyton's neck. "Now we can all hang out again."

Peyton smiled as they walked into the classroom. She missed Nathan. Maybe she could talk to him sometime.

Peyton had a study hall next hour and she was glad for the chance to chill for awhile. She felt her phone vibrate and she took it halfway out of her pocket so her teacher wouldn't see it.

It was from Dan. 'I know you have a free hour. Meet me outside. Now.' _Shit_. Her stomach dropped instantly, and the color drained from her face. She was glad she had been facing the teacher so none of her friends noticed. She still had ten minutes in class. What was she supposed to do? She waited five minutes and her phone buzzed again. 'I said now.' _Shit shit shit!_ Her breathing got a bit faster. She closed her book and grabbed her book bag and stood up to leave.

"Um, Miss Sawyer, class isn't over yet." The teacher said.

Everyone was looking at her, but she only saw Brooke. Peyton could tell from her wide eyes that Brooke now noticed her pale face. _Shit. _"I have to use the restroom." Peyton said, and didn't wait for permission as she rushed out of the class.

There he was, leaning against her car. _Her car._ She looked at the ground until she reached him.

"Well, it took you long enough. Next time I text you I expect an immediate response. Got it?" He said harshly.

She looked up at him finally. "I was still in class for like ten more minutes when I got your text." She explained. The look on his face told her he didn't care.

He took her arm and she flinched. "Get in my car." He said.

She did as she was told. She tried not to think about what was going to happen. They drove to a nearby park and he kept the car running. "Get in the back." He said without emotion. Again she did as she was told.

He pushed her onto her back. He grabbed her arms and put them above her head. "Keep them there." He commanded. She was so scared. She did what he said. He pulled her pants down to her knees. "I know you have to go back to school so I'll keep it short." He told her. "And, you are going back to school after this. Everything stays normal, including cheerleading." It wasn't going to be a debate.

He unzipped his pants and quickly put his shaft inside of her. She flinched. He grabbed her shoulders roughly and rocked back and forth glaring at her the whole time.

She looked at the ceiling, the window, anywhere but his face. He came finally and it was over. He zipped his pants and left her to clean herself up. He was halfway to the school before she sat up. That's when she realized she had tears coming down her face. _Fuck._ She hated herself right then. She wiped her face off.

"It won't always be like this." She heard him say from the front seat. "You're going to enjoy this one day."

She snorted. Her eyes got wide. She hadn't meant to do that. He didn't seem to notice though, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

He stopped by her car again and got she got without a word. He cracked his window a bit. "See you soon Peyton." He said, and threw another wad of cash down on the ground in front of her.

She stopped cold, but he had already driven away. She closed her eyes and felt the wind pick up around her. How could she live with this? She slowly bent down and picked up the money and stuffed it in her pocket.

111

Brooke looked for Peyton everywhere she could think of after class. That pale face of Peyton's did not sit well with Brooke. She had seen Peyton check her phone and it seemed like her whole body had stiffened. Brooke knew this had to be a part of the secret Peyton was keeping from her. If Peyton wasn't going to tell her then fine, but she didn't say that Brooke couldn't try to find out on her own.

After checking the bathroom one last time Brooke was about to give up when she saw Peyton walk in the front door of the school. "Peyton! Where have you been?" Brooke was so worried about her best friend. "We usually ditch together." She said to lighten the mood.

It didn't work.

"Hey, Brooke." Peyton's voice was low and she didn't look her in the eye.

Brooke saw that she had been crying. "Okay, come on, let's get you into the bathroom before someone else sees you." She led her into the bathroom and waited while Peyton splashed water on her face and dried it off.

Peyton faced her. "Thanks Brooke." She said. She knew Brooke was waiting for an explanation. "Don't make me lie to you Brooke. I don't want to." Peyton pleaded.

Brooke was a little shocked at what she said. "Um, well thanks for not lying to me, but Peyton, if someone is hurting you, I swear I'm gonna kill them!" Brooke said, not at all happy with what was happening to her best friend.

Peyton avoided Brooke's statement. "Come on, let's get to class." She walked past Brooke, but paused and grabbed her shoulder for a second. She gave it a squeeze and left.

111

Brooke didn't see Peyton again until cheer practice. She came in late. Brooke thought it might be so she didn't have to talk to anyone, especially Brooke. Brooke kept sneaking glances at Peyton all throughout practice. Peyton managed to get all the moves down perfectly without really paying attention to what she was doing. It's like she was a robot. Brooke didn't like it at all. This wasn't her Peyton.

Brooke called it a practice and grabbed her bag. She looked up to see Peyton walk out the door already. _Dammit, I wanted to talk to her!_ She made a beeline for the door her blonde best friend had just walked through when Bevin walked right into her path and starting talking about a party she was having this weekend. Brooke nodded at all the right times and got the conversation over as quickly as possible, agreeing to be at the party. She practically ran past Bevin to the door, but by the time she got outside she saw Peyton's car driving away in the distance. _Damn._

111

Peyton was running again. She never realized Tree Hill had so many great running trails, lots of trees, very scenic. She ran without thought, without worry, without tears. The wind was in her face and she reveled in it. It blew through her hair and spurred her along. She was free here.

She arrived back home two hours later and stretched in her front yard for awhile. Then she went inside and up the stairs to her room. There was Brooke on her bed reading a magazine. "I wondered where you went off to."

Peyton was speechless. She hadn't wanted to talk to Brooke. She hadn't wanted to talk to anyone. "I thought you'd be with Felix." Peyton tried to keep the conversation focused on Brooke.

"I was concerned about you. What happened today P. Sawyer?" She asked.

She picks right now to be focus girl. "I don't want to talk about it." Peyton knew what was coming in her life, and she couldn't let Brooke see her go downhill. Brooke deserved better than that, so Peyton made a decision. "Brooke, I can handle this myself." She said evenly, and was surprised at the control in her voice. "I don't want to drag you into this. You have your own life, and you are happy with Felix. I want you to stay that way."

Brooke scoffed. "Peyt, that's not what best friends do. I'm not going to leave you alone in whatever this is. We've been through too much together for me to just let you fall by the wayside." Brooke was determined to get her point across. "Why can't you tell me what's going on with you?"

Brooke wasn't getting it and Peyton was equally determined to get her own point across. "Brooke please listen to me. I really appreciate your concern, but it's really not necessary."

Peyton was lying through her teeth and Brooke could see right through her. "I can't believe you can lie to my face like that!" Brooke said, a little upset.

"Brooke, I'm only going to say this once." Peyton was on the verge of tears, but she was determined not to let them fall. She knew Brooke wasn't going to let this go. "Please leave right now." Peyton's voice cracked as she said this, but she had no choice. Brooke was bound to find out if she kept being close to Peyton like this. She couldn't let that happen, ever.

Brooke didn't move. "Peyton?" A single tear fell down Brooke's cheek. This was killing both of them.

"You heard me Brooke. I can't be around you right now. I can't be around anyone."

Brooke got a little angry at that. "Well guess what? I don't care. I'm not going anywhere, so deal with it!" She practically yelled. She was on her feet now and right in Peyton's face. Peyton was dripping sweat from her run, but Brooke didn't care.

Peyton got right back in Brooke's face too, but kept her voice soft. "Look if you ever need me for anything, I'm here, always, but right now I need you to accept this and leave."

"No way, that's not fair Peyt! You get to be there for me, but you won't let me be there for you. No way!" Brooke was definitely angry now.

Peyton couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "GO!" She yelled, pushing Brooke toward the door.

Brooke was shocked and hurt. Peyton couldn't stand looking into those hazel eyes with the look of hurt in them. She closed her eyes and said it again. "GO, Brooke! Get out!" She yelled and pointed to the door.

Brooke was dumbfounded. She didn't know what to say. How could this be happening? Was she losing her best friend? Peyton was still pointing, so Brooke turned and left, tears streaming down her face.

Peyton closed her eyes, relieved as she heard the front door open and close. _What have I done?_ She did what she had to do. This was for the best. If Brooke knew anything about what she was doing, it would kill her. Peyton hated herself. She peeled her sweaty clothes off and got in the shower. She let the cold water run over her and it didn't faze her one bit.

When she was dressed again she sat on her bed and got out her sketch pad. She drew the look on Brooke's face when she told her to get out. She captured those hazel eyes perfectly from years of practice on the same subject. She stared at those eyes for a long time before she looked at her jacket hanging on her chair. She got up and found the vial in the pocket. _Screw it!_ She got the lines ready on her little mirror and snorted them. She lay back on her bed and waited for the effects of the cocaine to set in. There was no point in being coherent through the rest of her life, right?


	7. Chapter 7

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 7 – By the Rules

Friday. Brooke loved Fridays. There was usually a party, like the one tonight. There was this anticipation about having two whole days with no school. Everyone was in a good mood on Fridays, but not Brooke. Today Brooke was in a horrible mood. She didn't like anything or anybody.

Felix tried to talk to her but she just snapped at him. "Brooke what is up with you today?" He asked.

"What? Nothing. Nothing is up with me. Why does something have to be up with me, huh? I just don't feel like talking." Brooke snapped.

Felix scoffed. "Since when don't you feel like talking? You always talk, even when you're mad."

She glared at him. "Let's just get to class." She ended the conversation.

Brooke sat in her usual desk and got her books out. The desk next to her was empty. She couldn't even think about the curly blonde who was supposed to be occupying that desk without seething. _Why would she push me out of her life? We're best friends!_

Peyton came in and sat down at that desk right before the teacher came in. Her hood was up and Brooke couldn't see her face. With her hoodie, faded jeans, and converse high-tops, she looked like she just rolled out of bed. Brooke knew that's probably exactly what happened.

Peyton felt Brooke's eyes on her, but she didn't look over at her. She kept her eyes on her text book. Since she was looking at it, she thought she might as well read along with the teacher for a change. She was reinventing herself into the loner that she'd always claimed to be, but really hadn't been because of Brooke. But now, she had to be. She hated what she was doing to her and Brooke, but she had no other choice. Soon maybe Brooke would move on and forget about her. That thought brought a sharp pain to Peyton's chest. _Son of a bitch!_ She shut her eyes hard. That hurt. She breathed slowly in and out. She opened her eyes and saw Brooke staring at her out of the corner of her eye. Peyton kept her eyes forward.

Peyton avoided all her friends all morning, but when lunch came around Brooke set her tray down on Peyton's table and sat down. Peyton didn't look up from her sketch book.

Brooke looked hard at her friend before speaking. "So are you going to Bevin's party tonight?"

Peyton scoffed. "No." Why would she go to a party if she wanted to be away from people?

"Oh, well I want you to come. Who else will save me if I get too drunk and start trying to sleep with everyone?" Brooke asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Peyton finally looked at her, and Brooke had to quickly hide her shock at seeing Peyton's hollow eyes. What had happened to her P. Sawyer in one night that made her look like she was a ghost? "Brooke, I'm pretty sure you have plenty of friends to help you out with that, not to mention Felix."

"But none of them are you." Brooke said, and reached out and touched Peyton's hand. Peyton jerked her hand back as if she had been burned. Brooke was hurt at this, but tried not to show it.

Peyton sighed. "Brooke, I think we need a break, from each other I mean."

"Peyton, why? What's the point of doing that?" When Peyton didn't say anything Brooke kept going. "I don't want a break from you, ever."

Peyton never wanted a break from her eccentric best friend either, but she had to. "Because Brooke, we're going down different paths, and it's for the best right now."

"Different paths? When did you get all philosophical on me? It's for the best, my ass!" Brooke didn't buy Peyton's line for a second. "And since when do you get to decide that we have to take this stupid break, huh?"

"I didn't decide this Brooke, it just is." Peyton was so tired, and Brooke could see it.

"I'm not buying this Peyt, and I'm not giving up on us, ever. We've worked too hard and we've been through too much to just let this go."

Peyton was glad to hear that. She didn't want Brooke to give up on them. "I know Brooke, I know, but…"

"But nothing, Peyton! I know this is because of that stupid fucking secret that you can't tell me. Well guess what? I'm going to find out what it is, and I'm going to help you, whether you like it or not!"

Peyton couldn't be there anymore. She stood up. "I gotta go."

"Whatever." Brooke said. "Just remember what I said."

"And you remember what I said, and please stay away." Peyton's tone wasn't angry, just pleading.

Before Peyton could walk away, Brooke said. "So, I guess this means you're done with cheerleading."

"No," Peyton sighed. "I'll be there." This surprised the hell out of Brooke. Peyton said the rest under her breath, but Brooke still heard it. "It's not like I have a choice."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Brooke wondered aloud.

Peyton looked at her once more with those hollow eyes. "Have a nice life Brooke. I'll see you around." With that, Peyton walked out of Brooke's life.

Brooke couldn't believe this. She had to find out what was going on, and soon, before Peyton did something to hurt herself. She knew how self-destructive Peyton could get. That scared her.

At cheer practice Peyton showed up as promised. Brooke watched her friend go through the motions and not talk to anyone as much as possible. Peyton had Brooke's heart breaking on the inside, but what she didn't know is that Peyton's heart broke just as much to do what she was doing.

As Peyton again walked out the door after practice without a word, Brooke thought that was the last she would see of her best friend all weekend. Peyton was thinking the same about Brooke as she drove away in her Comet, but they were both wrong.

111

When Peyton got home she an all too familiar SUV in her driveway._ Fuck! _She had slowed down to pull in to her driveway, but now she kept going straight ahead. She was about to hit the gas when Dan got out of his SUV and pointed at her.

Peyton yelled in her car to the top of her lungs. "FUCK! SHIT, SHIT, FUCK!" She didn't cry though. She had wasted too many tears because of him. She pulled into the driveway after all and got out of her car. This was the first time he had come to her home. She hated him for coming here. Her sanctuary. She hated him, period.

"Hello Peyton." Dan greeted her warmly.

She didn't acknowledge him, she just walked right past him into her house. She went straight up to her room and threw her backpack in the corner.

"So, this is your room. Dark." Dan remarked.

Peyton cursed herself for coming up here. She should've stayed downstairs so maybe he wouldn't see her room. She was facing her window and she didn't turn to face him. "Yeah."

He came up behind her and started massaging her shoulders. She instantly tensed up at his touch. "You need to relax more." His mouth was close to her ear and she shuddered. He bent down and kissed her neck.

Peyton pulled away out of his reach and faced him. "Can we please not do this in my home?" She asked timidly. She was so scared of him.

Dan didn't miss a beat. "Sure, okay Peyton have it your way." He said politely. "I'll just stop by the post office before it closes so I can get that package sent off to L.A." He turned to leave.

"No! Just wait." Peyton pleaded. "I…I don't…it's fine." She relented.

"Make up your mind Peyton. This is what you signed up for, so act like it." He said roughly. "You will do this when and how I want it. Is that clear?"

"Y-yes." She said, back to looking at the floor.

"Okay then, where were we?" He slipped her leather jacket off, and picked her up and set her on her bed. He pulled her t-shirt over her head and undid her bra. This was the first time he had actually taken the time to enjoy her body, and he reveled in every second of it.

He cupped her breasts with his hands and massaged her nipples with his fingers.

She felt so sick.

He put his hands all over her body. He laid her on her back and straddled her legs. He ran his hands up her arms and down her torso to her stomach.

She closed her eyes, not wanting to see him do this to her. She suddenly felt his weight leave her body and she opened her eyes.

He stood beside her bed undressing himself. When he was completely naked, he took off Peyton's shoes and pants. Then, he ran his hands up her legs and took her underwear in his fingers and slipped them off too.

She just lay there motionless, trying not to do anything to provoke him.

He laid on top of her putting his whole naked body on hers. She closed her eyes again. He kissed her. He had never done that before either, and it surprised her. She hated it. She hoped she projectile vomited into his mouth. But, of course she couldn't make herself sick on command.

She didn't kiss him back; he couldn't make her do that. He kissed her neck and moved his mouth to her breast and sucked on her nipple. He ran his hands roughly up and down her whole body. He opened her legs with his knee and put his shaft inside her. He was so rough that she brought her hands up involuntarily to his shoulders and tried to stop him from moving inside her.

Her efforts were useless. It hurt so much that she cried out. This only encouraged him, and he got even rougher. He liked it when she resisted him. He liked a fighter, and she fought. She was in so much pain from his harsh movements that she acted without thought. She kicked her legs out and thrashed about on the bed. She brought her fists down on his arms as hard as she could. He just smiled wide.

She cried out. "Fuck you, FUCK YOU!" Tears streamed down her face.

Dan gripped her shoulders and arms hard as he held her in place, leaving marks wherever he touched her. He gave up on her arms when she wouldn't stay in place, and pressed his hands hard down on her ribs. He left his marks there too.

As he reached his climax, he bent down and bit her shoulder and drew blood. He rolled off of her and lay beside her on the bed catching his breath. He liked this one, especially when she fought. He decided he also liked to leave his mark on her. She was now his property.

Peyton didn't move. She was relieved when he got up and started dressing himself. "You'd better get cleaned up Peyton. I wouldn't want you to miss Bevin's party." He said.

She looked at him, shocked. "What? What are you talking about?" She sat up.

"I like to keep in the loop." He said while buttoning his shirt.

"I'm not going to any party." She said more forcefully than she meant too. She didn't want to get him upset. Who knows what he might do.

"Oh yes you are." He said it like there was no question. "You are going to be sociable. You are going to act happy, and you will hang out with your friends. You will talk to them like nothing's changed." He reached down and gripped the back of her neck hard. "And you will do it until I say otherwise."

He let go. She was sure he left his mark there too. "How long do I have to stay at the party?" She asked hesitantly.

"Three hours."

She pushed her luck. "One."

He stopped tying his shoe and looked over at her. "Two."

She gained confidence. "One and a half."

"Done."

She didn't feel better. It's not like she won anything.

He finished dressing. "Look, Peyton, you're going to have to learn to live with this. But you are not going to draw people's attention by cutting yourself off from everyone." He smirked. "Like I said, I cover my bases." He walked to the door and looked back at the naked scared girl on the bed. "You're mine." He smiled and left.

Now she felt like projectile vomiting. She ran into the bathroom and put up the toilet lid just in time.

She felt so dirty.

She laid her face on the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. This was the second worst week of her life, the first being when her mom died. She couldn't believe he cared that she went to that stupid party. Why should he? She sighed. She'd better get her naked body off the floor and put some clothes on.

He didn't say what time she had to be there. How the hell would he know anyway? She decided to put shorts and a tank top on and go for a run. At her front door lay another wad of cash. _At least he's consistent. _Maybe she should open a savings account for dirty money. _Might as well get rich off the bastard._

She ran like she could fly if she just lifted her arms. She was starting to like it. It was the only time she felt free. When she wasn't running she felt as if she had shackles on…like she was weighed down and trapped. She ran for a long time and it was nearly dark when she got back home.

Home. She didn't want to call it that now.

She stripped her bed and her sweaty clothes and threw everything in the wash, and then she had herself another cold shower. When she was halfway dressed for the party, she eyed her leather jacket. Without hesitation she pulled out the little vial and setup the lines of coke on her small mirror. She could definitely use this if she was going to have a good time at the party, she thought as she snorted the lines.

If this was what Dan wanted then fine. She would be anywhere he wanted, but she would always make sure she had enough coke to enjoy herself.

111

Peyton felt great. The wind was blowing through her hair as she sped down the street at about 30 miles over the speed limit. She was on her way to Bevin's house for the party. She had her music all the way up and her hands were in the air; she was driving with her knee. She looked up at the stars as she drove under them. There were so many stars.

By the time she reached Bevin's place she was ready to party it up. She walked in the front door to see a bunch people dancing to a song she approved of. That put a smile on her face. She made a beeline for the kitchen where she hoped the keg would be. She was right. She chugged her first cup of beer and poured herself a second before going in search of some fun.

Brooke came inside from the back yard to get a refill and saw a head of blonde curls right before she bumped into Peyton. "Wha-, Peyton! I thought you weren't coming." Brooke said, surprised to see her best friend.

"Brooke!" Peyton yelled over the music. She threw an arm around the brunette. "What kinda fun are you up to, huh?"

Brooke was taken aback. Was Peyton drunk already? When had she gotten here? Brooke didn't know what high Peyton was like, so she thought it was drunk Peyton talking to her. "Um, I thought you weren't talking to me."

"It's a party Brooke." Peyton slurred her words a bit. "We can talk at parties. You, Brooke Davis," Peyton put her finger to Brooke's chest. "are the best partier I know."

"Okay, I think you've had enough to drink tonight." Brooke tried to take Peyton's cup, but Peyton let go of Brooke and stepped out of her reach. She took the opportunity to chug her beer.

"Brooke, come on, let's dance!" Peyton said, and pulled Brooke onto the dance floor. Brooke did as Peyton asked, mostly because she missed this Peyton, the one who wanted Brooke around. Guys around them kept trying to break in and dance with Brooke or Peyton, but they kept a hold on each other. Brooke wasn't letting drunk Peyton out of her sight.

When the third song ended, Peyton led Brooke off the dance floor and back toward the kitchen for a refill. Brooke let her. With two full cups in her hands Peyton went out on the back porch and Brooke followed.

They sat on a porch swing and Peyton handed Brooke one of the cups. "Here ya go B. Davis." Peyton almost tipped it onto Brooke's lap, but Brooke caught it in time.

"Why thank you P. Sawyer." Brooke said laughing. They there in silence watching people dance, couples make out, and others play drinking games. Brooke didn't want to break the silence because she was scared that it might break the spell of her best friend being back again. But, Brooke had to take this opportunity to learn all she could about Peyton's secret. "So Peyton, why did you come tonight? Last I heard you weren't going anywhere near this party."

Peyton had been staring at a couple she didn't know who were taking turns whispering in each other's ears. Peyton thought that looked nice. She leaned her head over and whispered into Brooke's ear. "I had to come here tonight. I didn't have a choice." Peyton decided whispering in Brooke's ear was awesome.

Brooke shivered at Peyton's whisper, but the words she heard didn't make sense. Brooke whispered too, but not in Peyton's ear. She wasn't that drunk. "What are you talking about? Why didn't you have a choice?"

Peyton didn't say anything. Instead she took a drink of her beer, then said, "Well, I could've stayed home and had fun, but then I wouldn't get to see you now would I?" This time she didn't whisper, but spoke up into the sky as she stared at the stars again. "I wonder why there are so many."

Brooke was about to respond when a loud voice spoke to her. "Brooke, there you are. I've been looking for you." Felix came bounding over to the swing and tried to sit in Brooke's lap. _Impeccable timing Felix. Dammit! I wanted to know what Peyton meant._

"Felix! Ow, get off!" Brooke moved over toward Peyton so she wouldn't be under Felix' weight. He just laughed. "I was trying to have a conversation here." Brooke said a little frustrated.

"Brooke, this is a party! Come on, let's dance!" Felix all but yelled.

Brooke remembered Peyton saying those same words to her earlier. She liked it better when Peyton said it. She looked over at Peyton who suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "Um, I'm gonna stay here with Peyton for a bit actually." Brooke said.

Peyton spoke up. "No. You know what? I was just leaving." Her buzz had worn off quickly when Felix showed up. "You two go have fun." She looked at her red watch. Time was up. She looked at Brooke who was about to speak, but Peyton stood up and cut her off. "I have to be somewhere anyway." She had to be home and in bed at last. She didn't want to be around people. She felt edgy. The cocaine had definitely worn off. She started walking back to where she had parked.

"Peyton, wait!" Brooke yelled after her, but Peyton didn't stop. Brooke moved out of Felix' reach and caught up to her. "Peyton, what is going on with you?" Peyton didn't stop, so Brooke kept up with her. She could tell Peyton was herself again. "Please let me in Peyton! You don't have to keep secrets from me, especially when you are hurting."

This made Peyton stop in her tracks. "Why do you think I'm hurting?" She asked, staring hard at Brooke.

Brooke stared right back. "Because I know you P. Sawyer." She said it sincerely.

Peyton closed her eyes for a brief moment to capture this memory and Brooke's face in her mind. When she opened them again a tear fell down her cheek. Brooke caught it with her thumb. "I'm so sorry Brooke. I can't let you in right now."

Peyton ran the rest of the way to her car and left her best friend standing there wishing she was running with Peyton instead of having to go back to her boyfriend. She would never give up on Peyton, no matter what.


	8. Chapter 8

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 8 – Concern

Peyton spent the rest of the weekend wondering what the hell she had been thinking at the party. She almost opened up to Brooke. She couldn't believe it. She wondered how far she would've gone if Felix hadn't shown up. _I can't believe I'm actually grateful to Felix! _

She ran a lot, mostly because Dan came over twice, but also because she was really starting to love running. She was also starting to love the feeling of being high. She had been high all weekend. Peyton was really starting to not mind the whole 'not being in her right mind' thing. The only downer was Dan, and well, not being around her friends, and maybe having to do business with that slimeball Rick. Okay, maybe this wasn't so great, but this was all she had, she had a lot more cash too which was nice.

Monday morning she got ready for school. She didn't feel like going, but Dan had reiterated his position the day before about her still living a normal life and still doing everything the same. What Dan wanted he got. He also reiterated that, along with how he loved it when she tried to fight him off. She had fresh bruises to prove it. She put on a long sleeve shirt even though it was spring time to hide the bruises. Dan really liked to draw her blood whenever he could, so she had to cover that up too.

She glanced at the cocaine vial on her bathroom sink. It had been sitting there since yesterday afternoon when she had used it last. Now it called to her. Her day would be so much more tolerable with that sweet feeling, but no, she had to keep in control. School wasn't the place for drugs. She had to make some rules for herself if she was going to protect Brooke without Brooke finding out. As much as she wanted Brooke to know everything and come and save her from Dan, Peyton couldn't do that to her best friend. She wanted Brooke to have as decent a life as possible. Brooke had been there for Peyton when her mom died, and now Peyton was being there for Brooke because her stupid parents were idiots. Peyton wished Brooke's parents knew what an amazing girl their daughter was, but that was never going to happen because they were so fucking selfish. Well, Peyton knew how great Brooke was, and she wasn't going to take her for granted. The coke could wait. She wasn't addicted yet anyway. She could totally go without it.

Peyton sat through first hour listening to the teacher and actually paying attention. She would do this whole 'good grades' thing if it killed her. She looked down to a note that had been flicked on her desk. 'Peyton, wanna have lunch with me? –Haley' Peyton looked behind her to where Haley sat and gave her a quick thumbs up. Haley smiled.

Peyton knew that Haley was going through something with Nathan, and working on that song with Chris Keller. She probably just wanted to talk about it. Peyton hoped that Haley had completely gotten over whatever she had been doing with Chris so that she could just focus on Nathan. Nathan had always been a great friend to Peyton, even before they dated. They grew up together. She missed him sometimes.

Haley was sitting outside under a tree eating her lunch. Peyton sat down beside her. "Hey."

Haley looked over at Peyton. "Hey back." Haley scooted over to give Peyton more room. Neither girl said anything for awhile, and then Haley said, "Well, I'll just say it. I've been worried about you Peyton." She said quickly.

Peyton was surprised. "You're worried about me. Why?" She scrunched up her eyes.

Haley sighed. "Peyton you look sick all the time. You show up to school, but you don't talk to anyone, not even your friends. Brooke said you cut her completely out of your life. How can you do that? Brooke's like, a part of you or something. Seriously Peyton, you have this hollow look in your eyes all the time like you're not all there. Nathan's worried about you too, ya know. He can't talk about anything else. He even went to your house this weekend. You weren't home, but your car was in the driveway, so he waited for you for hours, but you never came home. " Haley finished her rant and a silence fell over the two girls.

Peyton was going to eat, but now she lost her appetite. She didn't know what to say. All those things were true. Brooke talked to Haley about her? She didn't want Brooke to worry, but she guessed that was inevitable. She and Brooke were always close. She heard Haley sigh next to her and thought she'd better say something. "Nathan was at my house?"

Haley nodded.

"I'll talk to him." Peyton assured her.

Haley gave her a look. "Peyton, that's great, but we need you to tell us what's wrong. Is something wrong? You can talk to me you know."

"Haley, I know." Peyton leaned her head back against the tree and looked up in the sky at the clouds. "I've just got some stuff going on, but I can handle it." She looked back at Haley. "I am handling it. The only way I can. The last thing I want is for anyone to worry."

"Peyton, of course we're all going to worry if we can visibly see the toll it's taking on your body!" Haley sighed. "You can talk to any of us; me, Nathan, Luke, Brooke, especially Brooke. She is so worried about you."

Peyton looked at the ground. "Thanks Haley, for caring. You're a great friend. I feel like I don't deserve you sometimes." Haley didn't know how true that was. Peyton knew what a horrible person she was becoming to protect the one she loved.

"Of course, Peyton! I'm here for you." Haley assured her.

Peyton changed the subject. "So how is everyone?"

Haley knew what she was doing by changing the subject, but she didn't want to push Peyton. She knew that never helped anything. "Well, Nathan and I are better since Chris left town. I wish that Nathan could see that it was only about music though!"

Peyton rolled her eyes at that, but didn't say anything. If she had what Nathan and Haley had, she wouldn't go looking for reasons to end it like that.

Haley went on. "Lucas is doing fine since it didn't work out with Anna. You know she left to go back to her catholic school after she came out to her parents."

"Wow," Peyton said, "good for her."

"Yeah, and oh, Brooke and Felix broke up." Haley knew Peyton didn't know, so she tried to break it to her quickly.

"What!" Peyton was shocked, but also slightly relieved. "Why? What happened?"

"Well, Anna told Principle Turner that Felix was the one who spray painted your locker-"

"Wait, what?" Peyton interrupted.

"It gets better." Haley said. "Anna then told Brooke, who promptly marched over to Felix' house and ripped him a new one." Peyton smirked at this. "It was over after that."

Peyton was really into it now. "That all happened this weekend?"

"And this morning." Haley nodded. "I saw Felix leaving the school with all his stuff. I guess he's leaving town too."

"Wow." Peyton stated. "Brooke didn't tell me any of this." Peyton hadn't meant to say that last part out loud. It hurt to not know what was going on with Brooke, and to hear it from someone else.

"Well, I'm sure she would've loved to tell you if you hadn't told her not to talk to you again!" Haley was back on her game it seemed. Peyton sighed.

"Haley." Peyton warned her with her tone.

"Peyton, we all love you, but girl, you look so tired all the time. Have you been sleeping okay?" Haley asked.

"Not really." Peyton confessed. It felt nice to actually tell the truth for once.

The bell rang and Peyton hadn't touched her lunch. _Oh well, I wasn't sure I could keep anything down anyway._ They both stood up to go.

Haley looked hard at Peyton. "Take care of yourself, since you won't let any of us, okay?"

Peyton put on a fake smile that only Brooke would've detected and said, "I will. Thanks for the talk Haley."

"Any time, Peyton." Haley smiled. Peyton was sure her's was genuine.

111

Peyton went to Tric after school to do some stuff for Karen. She didn't want to be home anyway in case a certain asshole came by.

Her thoughts were on her best friend right now. She couldn't believe what Haley said about Brooke. Brooke had to be hurting right now. Peyton hated that, but she was really glad to know that Brooke had stood up for her like that. She decided to send her a text.

'Hey, I heard about Felix & locker. Thx friend. R u ok?'

She got one back almost instantly. 'I will be. R u talking 2 me? What's going on with u?'

_Fuck, Brooke. Don't ask me that!_ She sent back, 'Fuck, Brooke. I just wanted 2 no u were ok. Sorry.'

She didn't get one back, so she got back to work. She was trying to setup some music for the weekend, maybe a band if she could get one.

Ten minutes into her work she got a text from Brooke. 'I just miss you Pey.'

She sent one back right away. 'Miss you too B. Gotta do this though.'

Peyton cringed as the door opened behind her. She slowly turned around to see who it was hoping it wasn't the devil. She was surprised to see a tall blonde woman instead. More than relieved, Peyton said, "Hi there, can I help you with something?"

The woman said. "Hi, actually I'm looking for someone, a Peyton Sawyer?"

Surprised again, Peyton said, "Well, you're in luck, I'm Peyton."

The woman smirked. "Well, Peyton, I've got a proposition for you. You see, I heard there was this new club in this small town that keeps getting these big band names to come and play, and it's apparently all due to this high school girl named Peyton Sawyer."

This brought a smile to Peyton's face. "…and."

The woman also smiled. "And, I would like to be the first to get an exclusive interview…if you'll have me." She held out her hand. "Ellie Harp."

Peyton took it. "Nice to meet you, Ms. Harp."

"Oh please," Ellie scoffed. "Call me Ellie. So, what do ya say?"

"Okay, Ellie. An interview, huh? Why not? Sure, I'd love to do it." Peyton couldn't believe that her and Tric in little Tree Hill were big enough to make the news.

111

After the interview at Tric, Peyton was feeling a lot better about her life. It wasn't so horrible after all, and Ellie was really fun and easy to talk to. She thought that they both had a lot in common.

Peyton decide to walk from Tric to the river court. She hadn't been home all day and she thought maybe if she didn't go home that she would somehow not see Dan today. She knew her logic wasn't sound, but she did it anyway. She had promised Haley that she would talk to Nathan, and Nathan would most likely be found at the river court.

She was right. Nathan was there, along with Lucas. _Figures that Nate wouldn't be just shooting around out here alone, dammit._ They were playing a game of one-on-one. Peyton sat on the bleachers and watched them for a bit. She had to admit they were both very good at this game. The boys took a water break and both came over to say hi to her.

"Peyton!" Nathan said. "I haven't seen you at the river court in a while. Good to see you can still find the place." He joked.

Lucas laughed. "Yeah, you have been kind of a ghost lately Peyton."

Peyton wondered why he used the word "ghost" to describe her. "Hey guys, nice game out there."

"Thanks." Nathan said.

Lucas said. "What brings you out here?" He had a concerned look on his face.

_He is always trying to save me. Sometimes I wish he would mind his own fucking business._ "Well actually, I was looking to talk to you Nate." She said trying to give an apologetic look to Lucas. She didn't know if she succeeded or not. She didn't care.

111

Peyton walked beside Nathan on the sidewalk. They weren't going anywhere in particular, just walking sort of aimlessly. Neither had said anything yet. Peyton was concentrating on the cracks in the sidewalk and Nathan was dribbling his basketball.

"Well," Nathan broke the silence. "What did you want to talk about?"

Peyton didn't answer right away. She knew she had to talk to someone or she would go crazy and Nathan seemed like the best option right now. "Haley said I should talk to you." Peyton said, and then clarified, "She thinks I need someone to talk to."

Nathan glanced at Peyton, but she was still staring at the sidewalk. "Peyton, even though we went out for awhile we were friends first and I like to think we still are."

"We are." She confirmed.

"Good. In that case, I want to say that I'm concerned about you. Haley and I both are." Nathan stopped dribbling. "You haven't been talking to anyone, not even Brooke. You are acting like a loner who doesn't have any friends and that's just not true. Oh, and Brooke said you told her you couldn't be friends with her now. What's up with that?"

Peyton looked up at that. "I-I didn't say we couldn't be friends. I just meant that I kinda need some time apart from her right now, that's all."

"Well, let me tell you, she is not happy." He paused. "The three of us have been best friends ever since I can remember, but you two have always had a special bond. The both of you are always happiest when you are together. So I don't think this is a good idea you have going here. Peyton, why do you want time apart from Brooke?"

"I don't want time apart from her, Nathan; I need time apart from her." Peyton said, frustrated that she couldn't really explain why. She took a deep breath and continued. "Look, I've got some major issues going on right now, and I really need you right now."

"Peyt, you know I'd do anything for you. What's wrong?"

Peyton stopped walking. "First Nathan I need you to swear to me that you won't tell anyone what I am about to tell you. You can't tell Haley, and especially not Brooke. If you can't make this oath I need you to tell me right now."

Nathan was taken aback by how serious Peyton was. He took his time answering her. "I know you wouldn't ask me this unless it was serious." He paused for a deep breath. "Peyton, I swear I will not tell anyone what you tell me in confidence."

Peyton let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Unless," He said before Peyton could talk. "Your life or anyone else's life is in danger."

Peyton looked him in the eye. "Deal." She started walking again and Nathan kept up. "Here's the thing Nate, I don't think I am ready to tell you everything just yet. I need you to be okay with that."

Nathan dribbled the ball only once and said, "You tell me whatever you are comfortable with."

"Okay," She took a breath to still her heart. "I need you to be my safe place Nate." She went on before he could say anything. "There are some things going on in my life that I don't have the strength to deal with on my own. The things I'm doing, I-I'm not proud of." She couldn't look at him when she said this. "The only reason I'm doing these things is to protect someone I love dearly. But Nate, I can't live with myself because of the things I am doing, so I've found a way to deal with it, a way to take my mind off of the disgusting person I've become."

Nathan didn't like where this was going, not at all.

Peyton kept talking. "I'm kinda doing some drugs…just to help me keep sane."

Nathan stopped cold. "Wh-what?" He had to catch his breath. "What drugs?"

"Cocaine. I…I'm snorting coke." She said as quietly as possible, but he still heard her.

Nathan wasn't so quiet. "Peyton! Coke?"

"Nate, keep your voice down!" Peyton looked around them, but didn't see anyone.

He lowered his voice a bit for her sake although he didn't want to. "Why the hell would you do that, huh? I have to know why!"

He looked furious. Peyton didn't expect that, but then again, she didn't know what to expect. "I told you Nate, I'm protecting someone."

"I know that Peyton, but how are you protecting them?"

"I…I can't tell you that." _Fuck! How can I tell him that his own father is blackmailing me into to having sex with him!_ She couldn't look him in the eye for fear he would see the truth.

"Fuck, Peyton! What could be so important that you would do coke?" He yelled at her. He was angry and not caring if he hurt her feelings at the moment.

"Brooke! It's Brooke, okay. That's who I'm protecting!" She yelled back.

Nathan let it sink in a bit before he spoke. "So that's why you're pushing her away. So she won't find out." He said quietly.

Peyton's voice broke. "Yes, Nate, yes." Tears started to roll down her cheeks. It felt so good to finally tell someone at least this much.

Nathan dropped his basketball and grabbed a hold of Peyton's shoulders. He made her look him in the eye. "Peyton, listen to me. Why does Brooke need protecting?"

She had a hard time keeping eye contact, but she made herself do it. "I…she…" She paused to gather her thoughts. "Someone has…information about Brooke's father that could ruin her whole family. You know how much Brooke cares for her parents, even though they don't care about her. This would kill her, Nate. God, I hate them so much! Why can't they see what a great kid they made? Why can't her damn father keep it in his fucking pants?" She was yelling again. _Shit!_ She really hoped no one could hear them.

"But Peyt, I don't get it. How could you protect her from this?"

She looked down at the sidewalk again, and he let her. "The…individual who has this information on her dad also knows that I am her best friend…and that I would do anything to keep her safe."

"So…" Nathan tried to help her.

"So…to keep Brooke's life all nice and happy, the price tag is awfully high." Peyton was avoiding saying the actual words.

Nathan wouldn't let her get away with that. "Peyton, what is he making you do?" There was steel in his gaze and in his voice.

She felt so ashamed, but she told him anyway. "He…he is forcing me to have sex with him to keep his mouth shut." There was no way she could face Nathan now, but he shook her shoulders gently to make her look at him.

"Who? Tell me who it is Peyton!" His voice cracked. He couldn't stand to see his best friend like this. He had tears in his eyes too now.

Peyton was sobbing so hard she could barely speak. "N-Nate, please don't ask me that."

"Oh Peyt." He pulled her into his arms and held her tight for a long time. "I know you have to protect Brooke, but Peyton I have to protect you." Neither of them said anything for a minute. They just stood there holding each other. Nathan said with conviction, "I will keep you safe Peyton, I promise." Nathan, Brooke, and Peyton all had an unspoken oath to each other since they were kids: to always be there for each other. He wasn't about to forget that. He pulled back to look her in the eye again. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually understand about the drug thing. I've done some drugs myself. Just…be careful Peyt. I care a lot about you. Call me anytime, day or night, for anything. Promise?"

Peyton looked at his tear-stained face. She was sure it matched her own. "I promise, and thank you so much Nathan, for everything."

"You don't have to thank me Peyt. I love you." He smiled.

She smiled back, the first genuine smile in a long time. "I love you too Nate."

He picked up the basketball again and started walking, this time with a destination in mind. "Come on, I'll walk you home."


	9. Chapter 9

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 9 – Plans Within Plans

Brooke hung up a poster of a dress shop in Paris right above her bed. It was night time in Paris, and the lighting around the shop was just right. It gave you that homey feeling, like if you were a lady looking for the perfect dress you would just have to be wearing blue to match the deep blue of the night sky. It was perfect for her new room at Karen's house, or rather, Lucas' old room made into her room.

She knew how blessed she was to have friends with awesome moms like Karen who let her stay in her home. Otherwise, she would have to move to California with her parents. She would hate that. She loved her parents, but she didn't think they cared for her very much. It hurt a lot sometimes, but then she remembered how she created her own family in Tree Hill: her friends. They mattered the most to her, especially one Peyton Sawyer who wasn't speaking to her right now. She had no clue as to why that was, but she knew deep down that her and Peyton would always be together, one way or another. She just had to wait it out and everything would be okay. At least, that's what she told herself. Her bestest friend in the whole world, the girl she loved and could tell anything to, was shutting her out.

She knew Peyton had a reason, but she couldn't figure it out. She had asked Haley to talk to her, but Haley couldn't get any new information out of the damn girl. Haley did say however that Peyton had promised to talk to Nathan. Maybe that was her way in. She knew if Peyton wasn't talking to her that she would go to Nathan, her other best friend. Of course, why didn't she think of it sooner? _Now to just corner Nathan and make him talk_, she thought as she added one more touch to her 'new' room. She set a picture of her and Peyton at the beach on her nightstand.

She knew that this weekend Peyton had gotten The Wreckers to come and play at Tric and Haley was going to open for them. That meant that Peyton and Nathan would both be there. She was working a plan in mind when Lucas knocked on her open door.

"Hey pretty girl. It looks good in here." He said looking around.

She laid aside her plans for now to talk to Lucas. "Thanks again Lucas for all this." She said gesturing at the room with her hand.

"Of course, I couldn't let you go off to L.A. and never see you again." He said with his trademark smile which she adored.

She smiled back, only half-heartedly. She was truly grateful, but she had other things on her mind right then. "So Lucas," she said after a minute, "are you going to Tric this weekend? Oh, of course you are, your mother owns the place." She chuckled to herself. "Why don't we go together…as friends?" She added before Lucas could speak up. She didn't want to lead him on. She liked him, but she didn't want to go back down that road with him. Her heart was too fragile at the moment.

Lucas looked at her wishing he knew what was going on in her head. Since he heard that she and Felix were over, he had been looking for a way to get closer to her. Having her move into his mom's place was helping. "I'd love to go together…as friends." He clarified and smiled again.

"Great! Pick me up at eight." She said and grabbed her purse. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to do some shopping."

She walked out and he watched her go shaking his head slightly. "Crazy girl." He said to himself, and then walked into the kitchen to look for his mother. "Hey mom, are you here?"

"I'm in the laundry room!" She called. Karen looked her son over as he came in. She wasn't real happy with him since he decided to go live with his father, but she knew it had to be for some reason he couldn't tell her at the moment. Andy had helped convince her not to worry, and that's what she was trying to do.

Lucas looked at her a bit sheepishly. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. I missed you mom." He hoped she would soon forgive him for moving in with Dan. He didn't really blame her if she couldn't do that right now though. It had always been the two of them against the world, and sometimes Keith and Haley.

Karen kept folding her laundry but said, "I miss you too Lucas, a lot. Do you need anything, maybe some food, or some money?" She missed caring for her son.

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks mom." He grabbed some clothes and started to fold them. He missed spending time with his mom like this.

After a minute of comfortable silence Karen said. "Have you talked to Peyton lately?"

"Um, not really, and when I do talk to her she finds an excuse to leave. Why do you ask?" He had been concerned about her lately because of the way she was acting.

"Well, when I walked into Tric the other day I found her sitting on the floor against the wall. She hyperventilating and she had tears streaming down her face."

"What? What was wrong with her?" Lucas said, very concerned now.

"I helped her to a stool and gave her some water. When she could breathe normally again she said she was claustrophobic. I didn't buy it, but I didn't want to pry. Lucas, I don't think she even realized she had been crying. She looked so pale. I think she was scared to death of something. I'm worried about her. Maybe she would open up to you." Karen finished.

Lucas hesitated. "I don't know mom. She's kinda been avoiding me ever since the love triangle with Brooke." He had looked down as he said this. "She said we could be friends, but I haven't really been a good friend to her lately. I've been concentrating on staying friends with Brooke. I do feel bad about that, but I felt like I owed that much to Brooke." He paused. "I will try mom. I have noticed that she has closed off herself from everyone, even Brooke. Something is definitely going on with her. Maybe this weekend at Tric I can get her to talk to me."

"That would be great Luke. I know she doesn't have anyone but her friends, and I don't want her to fall away from us and be forgotten."

"I don't either." Lucas loved how his mom had a big heart, especially for his friends. She was his hero in that department and he wanted to be like her.

111

Peyton hadn't talked to any of her friends in days, except for Nathan. They had texted back and forth, mostly about how Haley was acting. He was concerned for their marriage and Peyton didn't blame him. She wished that Haley would just wake the hell up and realize what a great thing she had going for her.

It had been pretty quiet at the Sawyer house lately too. Dan hadn't been around in days, and Peyton was so happy about it that she almost let her guard down…almost. Nathan was easy to talk to, but he still wanted to know who the mystery man was, and Peyton never wanted to tell him. Besides, she knew that Dan must just be too busy right now to fit a fuck in. He had hired Keith as his vice president and she knew Dan was watching him closely for some reason. She really didn't care why. She only hoped that for Keith's sake he would watch his back.

She kept herself busy to keep her mind from going crazy. She went for runs day and night whenever she had the time. She discovered that she loved to run on the beach the most, especially at sunrise. It was so beautiful right then, and she loved just staring out at the ocean when she ran. It made the world, her world, seem okay at that moment.

Right now though, she was at Tric setting up for the band tonight. She was glad that Nathan had convinced Haley to open tonight. No matter how she felt about Haley right now, she knew she was talented and wanted to help her achieve her goals.

The sound of commotion at the side door brought Peyton out of her thoughts. Deb was trying to open the door with no less than six full grocery bags in her arms. Peyton ran over to give her a hand.

"Oh thanks Peyton." Deb said gratefully. "I thought it would be easy to drag all these up here, but I was so wrong." She laughed at herself and Peyton laughed nervously along with her.

Peyton hadn't really seen Deb much at all since Dan had blackmailed her, and they had never been alone together since then either. She didn't really think about how this would affect Deb, but now it was all she could think about.

"Sure, no problem." Peyton replied. "Where do you want this stuff?" She asked while trying to avoid actually looking Deb in the eye.

"Uh, just set it on the back counter there." Deb replied.

Peyton did as she was told. The bags almost slipped from her hands though because they had become suddenly very sweaty, and Peyton felt like the temperature had gone up in the room by a lot. "Is it too hot in here to you?" Peyton asked.

"No, it feels nice to me actually." Deb said.

"Oh, good then." Peyton said, and then went on nervously. "I wanted to make sure the temperature was just right for the show, ya know." She lied.

"Oh I think it's fine." Deb said absently. She was already concentrating on putting the fruit away that she had bought for the bar.

Right then Karen walked in and Peyton breathed a sigh of relief. _Pull it together Peyt._ She pointed her thumb in the direction of the stage. "Well, I'm gonna get back to work."

She thought she was out of the woods, but Karen cut her off. "Hey Peyton, I just wanted to ask how you were doing. Any more panic episodes lately?" Karen asked quietly so Deb wouldn't hear.

Peyton was grateful that she was keeping her voice down. "No, not recently." Peyton paused. "Thanks for caring about me though." She said with genuine thanks. She wished she could tell Karen everything all of a sudden, but suppressed the urge quickly.

Karen put her hand on Peyton's arm and Peyton did her best not to flinch. It was hard to let anyone touch her now. "Of course I care about you Peyton. I wanted to also remind you that you can talk to me in confidence anytime, okay?"

Peyton saw the concern in her eyes and smiled slightly. "Thank you Karen. I better get this stuff set up." She said pointing again to the stage.

"Okay, it's gonna be a great night Peyton." Karen said loud enough for Deb to hear.

"Hear, hear!" Deb said from the bar and laughed.

Peyton laughed with them and returned to her work.

111

Peyton had a couple of hours until she had to be back at Tric to open, so she went home to eat something and change her clothes.

The dread in her stomach left her when she saw that her driveway was empty. She even let herself have a small smile knowing that she wouldn't have to deal with him today.

She was suddenly very hungry, so she decided to do something she hadn't done in months: cook. She got out some pots and pans and put some water on the stove to boil and then ran up stairs to find something amazing to wear for tonight.

She was halfway to her closet before she saw him. He was sitting propped up on her nicely made bed looking at one of her magazines. For an insane second she was reminded of Brooke doing the exact same thing while waiting for her to come home.

"Peyton, I was hoping you would show up." Dan said with a smirk on his face that made the hate well up inside her.

"And here I thought I was free of you for today." Her sudden courage surprised her.

He liked it when she was spicy. "Now be a good little girl and take your clothes off." When she didn't comply right away he said, "Come on now Peyton, we have to celebrate yet another great band you landed at the club, right?" He took off his own clothes and sat back down waiting.

She did as he said and hesitantly came closer to the bed and he suddenly stood up and grabbed her roughly by her arms. He landed a hard kiss on her lips and forced her lips to part allowing his tongue access. She never let him in her mouth with any part of his body. It was one small victory she could give herself, but now he had violated her once again. Nothing was sacred.

She turned off her mind and let him take her to places she never wanted to go. She would scream, not in pleasure, but in pain as he again forced his way inside her delicate body. As always, she did her best not to react to anything he did to her, but sometimes she couldn't help what her body did of its own accord. When he made her come she hated herself, so she tried her best not to come. She would think about Tric, Brooke, Nathan and Haley, Lucas, Karen, her childhood, hell, even homework, anything to take her mind off the present.

She was currently thinking about how best to avoid talking to anyone tonight when he suddenly punched her in the gut. She was so shocked she let out a grunt and curled herself into a ball holding her stomach protectively with her arms. She closed her eyes. Dan was saying something, but she couldn't hear him. All she could hear was a rushing in her ears. When the pain finally subsided, she opened her eyes to see an angered Dan looking down at her.

She could barely speak, but she managed to whisper, "What did I do?"

He spoke in anger. "I finished and you didn't even know it!" He slapped her face and she recoiled from him.

The sting of the slap brought tears to her eyes. _Shit!_ She hated crying in front of him. She brought her hand up to her cheek and when she pulled it away again there was blood on her fingers. "I-I'm dealing with this the only way I can." She told him the truth.

His face changed somewhat. _Could that be sympathy?_ "Well, I guess everyone deals with things in their own way." He got off the bed and started putting on his clothes. "Good luck at the club tonight." He left without a backward glance.


	10. Chapter 10

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 10 – Haley Leaves

Peyton lay naked in her bed holding her ribs where Dan had punched her. She was still curled up in a ball with her eyes closed. She was thinking of her mother.

_When Peyton was younger, her mother had taken her and Brooke to the beach many times. One day she had bought the both of them kites. Peyton's kite was solid green and Brooke's was pink and purple with the word 'Princess' on it. Anna Sawyer showed them how to make their kites soar. They ran and ran on the beach with their kites flowing behind them, laughing and smiling all the while. Brooke's kite caught the wind and soared high above them, but Peyton's kite made a nose dive into the sand. Peyton watched Brooke's kite go higher and higher until she ran out of string. Anna caught up with Peyton who hadn't bothered to wind up her kite string and try to fly her kite again. She was just staring at Brooke a few yards up the beach and enjoying how happy she looked at that moment while her kite danced in the wind. _

_Anna watched her daughter watch Brooke as she came closer to her. "She looks so happy doesn't she honey?" Anna put her arms around Peyton and kissed her cheek. _

_Peyton looked up at her mother and hoped that she would be as beautiful as her mother one day. "Mama, can we adopt Brooke?" _

_Then Anna made a beautiful sound with her mouth. She laughed, and it sounded like delicate bells in the wind. "Baby, Brooke has her own parents."_

_Peyton smiled at her mother's laugh. "I know, but she likes us way better. She told me." _

_Anna faced her daughter and said, "I'll tell you what, she can stay with us whenever she wants and we'll pretend like she's your sister. What do you say?"_

_Peyton laughed. "Mama, we already do that!" _

"_Well then," Anna said with a sparkle in her eye. "How about we tell her everyday that we love her and then she'll always know that she is a part of our family?" _

_Peyton gave her mother a tight hug. "Guess what Mama?"_

"_What Love?" Anna asked._

"_I love you!" Peyton shouted. _

_Anna laughed. "I love you more baby." _

_Peyton shook her head of blonde curls. "Nuh-uh!" _

"_Uh-huh!" Anna picked her daughter up and swung her around. "Uh-huh forever!" Anna shouted, making her daughter laugh even more with glee. "Now," Anna knelt down and picked up the kite string to wind it back up. "Let's get your kite in the sky too." _

_Peyton watched her mother's slender hands deftly wind up the kite string. The sun glinting off the ocean caught her eye and she fell in love with the sea at that moment. It was such a beautiful shade of blue and green. It represented a thousand possibilities, and a million wishes. It was water. Its waves were an ever-changing work of art. It was water… _

Water. Boiling water…on the stove.

Peyton's eyes shot open and she jumped out of bed. She instantly regretted it however. Sharp pain shot through her ribs and she fell to the floor gasping. "Oh shit!" She yelled. She closed her eyes in pain. "Fuck."

She got up more slowly this time. She supported herself by grasping the edge of her desk. Once she was up, she made her way downstairs to the kitchen. There was water all over the floor and stovetop. She carefully stepped around the hot water on the floor and turned the stove off. She grabbed some towels from the drawer and wiped the stove and floor dry and put away the pots and pans she had gotten out. She wasn't hungry now.

She stood there for a moment holding her ribs again. She wished she had time for a run before she had to go to Tric, but then again, she didn't think she could do much running right now anyway. Why did she think she could still work at Tric? The interview with Ellie Harp had given her hope that she could still live her dream, but now it just seemed stupid. When she couldn't control her own life, she definitely couldn't control a whole freaking club.

She remembered she was still naked and went back upstairs to shower under some scalding hot water. She hoped to wash his scent off of her. As she walked through her bedroom she gathered her clothes from the floor where she had throw them in a pile and threw them in the hamper. She looked at her bed. _Stupid fucker._ She pulled her sheets off to wash them once again. If she didn't do it now, then she wouldn't be able to sleep here tonight.

She walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, then while she was waiting for the water to warm up she put her hands on the vanity and looked at herself in the mirror. She had new bruises on her upper arms from where he grabbed her, her lip was still bleeding from his slap, she had a bite mark on her shoulder, but the worst was the big purple area on her ribs. She couldn't believe how dark it had become already. She looked into her own eyes, but she couldn't hold her own gaze for long and quickly looked away as the mirror started to fog up.

Once in the shower she scrubbed every inch of her body as hard as she could. She was less harsh around her rib area. She hoped he didn't really hurt something this time. _That bastard!_ She hit her fist against the tile, hard. "Fuck!" She screamed. She started sobbing hard as she leaned against the tiled wall and let the hot water flow over her body. She half whispered to herself, "What am I doing?" She knew she had all this pent up rage inside of her and didn't want it to come out when she was with her friends, but she was starting to lose control. At least she had coke. Since she had all this money from Dan, she had bought enough coke to hide vials of it all over the house just in case Dan decided to cut her off for awhile. She didn't exactly know when she had started needed the drug, she wasn't even sure if she needed it, but she didn't want to find out the hard way.

She wondered what time it was. She didn't want to be late for Tric and let Karen down, so she turned off the water and finished getting ready. She found one of her rocker t-shirts to put on and some skinny jeans with her converse. She threw on her leather jacket and was out the door.

People were already lined up at the door when she got there. The doors wouldn't open for another half hour. She was glad she could make things like this happen for Karen and Deb. She loved this part of it. She loved almost all parts of working at Tric and dealing with the bands. She knew she was meant to do this stuff.

She said a quick hi to Deb and Karen at the bar then headed backstage to see if the band needed anything. She met Lucas and Nathan coming out of the prep room. "Hey guys. Everything cool back here?" She tried to sound as upbeat as possible.

"Yeah," Lucas said, "the band is warming up their voices."

Nathan didn't say anything, but had a sour look on his face.

Peyton noticed. "Nate, something wrong?" She wished Lucas wasn't here. She really wanted to tell Nathan what happened to her just now, but she could tell he had other things on his mind anyway.

Lucas spoke instead of Nathan. "They brought a surprise with them."

Peyton looked puzzled.

"Just go see for yourself." Nathan said, and left quickly, needing some air.

Hey Peyton, I need talk to you later." Lucas said, then followed his brother without waiting for her response.

_Great! So much for trying to lay low. _Peyton shrugged her shoulders. A cocky smile met her at the door to the prep room. "Chris!" He was the last person Peyton expected to see.

"Well, well, the woman who brought us all together." He said with a smirk.

Peyton saw the Wreckers behind him warming up like Lucas said. Haley was listening to them intently and singing with them where she could. "What are you doing here?" She said for his ears alone.

"Chris Keller is on his way up." Was all he said.

She ignored him and went over to Haley. "Hey girl, how are you doing?"

Haley smiled nervously. "I think I'm okay. Just a little nervous…okay, a lot nervous." She said, blowing out a breath.

Peyton rubbed circles into her back. "I know you'll do great. You're really good you know."

Haley smiled gratefully up at Peyton. "Thanks Peyt. And thanks for always believing in me."

"Hey, of course. I wouldn't let you sing here if you weren't great." Peyton teased.

Haley just rolled her eyes and went back to warming up with the rock stars she adored.

Peyton addressed the group. "Fifteen minutes girls."

111

Lucas had come with Brooke tonight as promised. They sat together at the bar for about a minute before he spotted Nathan and went to talk to him. Now she was alone, but after swindling a vodka and tonic out of the cute bartender, Brooke got a table and waited for the show to start. She kept watching for a certain blonde, but didn't see her anywhere. She was determined to speak to her tonight. She was tired of being ignored. She wasn't used to it. She always got her own way and she didn't know what Peyton was playing at, but she was putting an end to it tonight. She needed her friend back.

_There she is!_ Peyton had come out of the backstage area and was heading for the bar. _Damn she looks hot!_ _…crap! What am I thinking? Stop it, Davis!_ She suddenly had butterflies in her stomach at the prospect of talking to the blonde who occupied her thoughts. She downed the rest of her drink and went for it.

Peyton was so intent on getting down to the bar to make sure Karen was all set that she didn't even notice Brooke until she stepped directly in her path. "Brooke!" Peyton said, very surprised to see her. She knew Brooke would most likely be there tonight, but she didn't think she would have any contact with her after the way they had left things.

Brooke steeled herself for this conversation. "Peyton, I wanted to talk to you."

"Um…Brooke I'm sorry but I really don't have time right now. The show is about to start." She said, gesturing toward the stage.

"Oh, I know. I meant after." The look on her best friend's face told her this wasn't going to go in her favor. "Peyton please, just a few minutes is all I ask." She hated to beg, and Peyton knew that.

_Why couldn't Brooke just leave it alone? Crap, I really don't want her to get hurt._ "Look, Brooke. I uh…" Peyton looked around and then back to Brooke who was giving her the famous Brooke Davis pouty look. _Ah crap._ "Alright B, but only a few minutes okay?" Peyton sighed.

Brooke squealed and gave her a hug. Peyton flinched and gasped in pain before she even had time to think. Brooke pulled away quickly and looked at her friend wide-eyed. "Peyton, what…" Brooke could see she was in pain.

Peyton kept her head down so Brooke couldn't look at her face. Her eyes stung from the pain in her ribs and tears formed in her eyes. _Fuck that hurt!_ She could barely breathe. She was so dizzy she reached for the chair next to her to try and steady herself.

"Peyton talk to me. What's wrong?" Brooke was using her serious voice, so Peyton knew she couldn't just play this off.

She tried anyway. "N-nothing."

Brooke lifted Peyton chin so she could look at her. That's when she noticed her fat lip. "Peyton, what happened to you?" Brooke was on the verge of tears now.

Peyton pulled her face away from Brooke's hand and looked away. "I fell." She lied. She knew Brooke would see through the lie, but she had to get away from her and do her job for Tric. Then she could get the hell out of there.

Brooke almost laughed at the blatant lie. "Peyt, you know I don't believe you."

"Brooke, I know…I have to go. I'm sorry." She really was sorry. She hated to treat Brooke like this. She felt like a horrible person.

Brooke reached out to take Peyton by the arm so she would stay put, but Peyton side stepped her and went around.

"Peyton!" Brooke yelled over the music but Peyton didn't stop. "Shit!"

That did make Peyton stop. She looked over her shoulder and mouthed 'I'm sorry' to Brooke, then continued on her way.

"No Peyton," Brooke said to herself, "I'm sorry." She watched her walk away from her again, but Brooke knew she was really running.

111

Peyton took a breath and walked out on stage. "Hey Tree Hill!" She spoke into the microphone. "Are you ready to rock?"

The crowd was in a frenzy and yelled for the music. Brooke clapped along with everyone else, but she was watching her blonde best friend. _She does have a fat lip._

"Alright, that's what I want to hear. Here's your opener, a local, Haley James Scott!"

Peyton gave Haley a high five as she came out on stage and started playing her heart out. Peyton saw Lucas just off stage waiting for her. _Damn shit!_ "Hey Luke."

"Hey, she's doing great isn't she?" Lucas said, admiring his best friend's talent.

"Yeah," Peyton talked over the music. "She's a natural."

Neither said anything for a minute and just listened to Haley play and sing beautifully.

Lucas took a sidelong glance at her. "I know something's going on with you."

Peyton looked right back at him. "Do you?"

"Look, I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me…if you need to. I'm here, you know."

He looked sincere so she went easy on him. She nodded her head. "Thank you Lucas. That means a lot to me."

She went silent again and watched the stage. She was really just waiting for him to leave.

"Well, I better get back." It was like he read her mind. "Brooke's probably wondering where I went off to."

_Whoa, what? Brooke?_ She had this sudden jealous feeling that she had to quickly push back down. "You and Brooke came together?" She said nonchalantly.

"Yeah," Lucas said. He didn't notice the brief look of jealousy on Peyton's face. "She said it's just as friends, but I plan to change that soon." He smiled.

Peyton swallowed. "Well good for you Luke. Good luck."

He smiled again. "Thanks. I'm gonna go find her."

Peyton nodded to him. She had to remember to resign herself to what must be done. She had to remember to always put on a good face for these people…her friends. She had to remember to keep Brooke at a distance. She had to…right now, she had to get high.

111

Brooke saw Nathan walk outside as soon as Chris Keller came on stage. She thought he just wanted to get some air. She didn't blame him. "Hey Luke, I'll be right back. I saw someone I want to talk with." She said and followed Nathan.

"Hey Nate, wait up!" Brooke called once she got outside and spotted Nathan walking down the ramp to the alley.

Nathan turned to meet her. "Brooke, hey what's up?" He had just been to see Haley to congratulate her on her set, but he saw her give Chris a big hug after coming off stage so he decided to go outside for a bit after telling his wife that she did great. She didn't seem to mind that he left. Needless to say, he wasn't in the best of moods, but he didn't want to ignore his friend.

When she reached him she said, "I wanted to ask you something." She didn't come right out and say what she wanted because she didn't want him to say no right away. She could see by the look on his face that something was bothering him too. "Um…are you ok, Nate?"

"I'm just…dealing with some stuff." He paused. "What can I do for you Brooke?"

She sensed that maybe this wasn't the best time to talk to him, but she wasn't sure she'd get another chance anytime soon. "I wanted to ask you about Peyton."

Nathan cringed inside. He knew this might come up; he just didn't expect it tonight. "Brooke, I…"

She interrupted him. "I know she spoke to you. She's not talking to me right now and I need to know what's going on with her."

Nathan didn't like being in this position. Brooke was his friend too, but he didn't want to betray Peyton's confidence. "Look, I'm sure if Peyton's not telling you whatever it is then she has a good reason for it."

Brooke sighed. "Here's the deal Nathan. I'm really worried about her. Something's not right with her and I…I'm kinda scared for her." She thought if she put her feelings out there then Nathan would know she was serious.

Now it was Nathan's turn to sigh. He ran his hand through his short dark hair, while Brooke stood there looking vulnerable, something she never did. He took a hold of her shoulders and said, "Listen Brooke, the three of us have been friends since the first grade. When one of us needs another one, or two of us, then we are there for them, right?"

Brooke answered without hesitation. "Yes, of course."

He dropped his hands from her shoulders. "Well, right now, Peyton needs one of us, and it's me that she's decided to confide in at the moment." He saw that she was about to speak so he quickly went on. "Not that she doesn't need you, Brooke. She does need you, but you can trust me to handle it for now." He paused to think.

His little speech got Brooke a bit choked up. "N-Nate, I…she…she's my Peyton, my best friend. I don't know what to do!" She was upset now.

"I know Brooke, I know, but I need you to trust with her. Do you trust me?" He looked her in the eye.

"I do." She said automatically. If it couldn't be her, she definitely wanted it to be Nathan who cared for Peyton. "But Nathan, I need her too."

Nathan pulled her into a hug. "We both need her, and she needs the both of us, especially right now." He said as he tightened the hug. "It'll get worse before it'll get better I think." He brought her back to arms length. "She's holding back things from me Brooke. Things she knows I won't like. I will protect her the best I can though. I promise you that." He said adamantly.

"Thank you Nate. I wish that…I don't know what I wish. I wish she would talk to me!"

"Give her time." Was all he said.

She glanced back at the entrance. "I guess I better get back." She said and turned around, but then looked over her should at him after she had walked a few steps. "Tell me the truth. Should I be scared for her?"

Nathan looked up at the clear night sky for a moment before he answered. He told her the truth because he owed her that, and because he would want the same. "Yes, you should."

111

Peyton came out of the VIP room feeling like a million bucks. It had taken quite a bit more snorting than normal for the high she was used to. She thought that was weird, but it didn't concern her at the moment. All that she was concerned with was having a good time. One thing she had learned about the music business was that there were always people with coke. You just had to know where to look.

The Wreckers were on stage now so she made her way through the crowd down to the front and started a mosh pit. She danced and jumped up and down with all she had. She let herself get lost in the music. The new friends she had made inside the VIP room were gathered around her spurring her on.

She opened her eyes and smiled at the strangers around her. This was living. This was why she stayed alive. She was sitting. When had she gotten in a car? _Who cares?_ There was loud music, a car full of warm bodies, and some Jack Daniels. She was set. She was grateful to whoever the guy was that kept filling her glass. She sat back on the seat and rested her eyes, just for a second.

Her eyes opened slowly. _I am so tired. _She didn't know what had woken her up. As she stared straight ahead all she saw were stars. _So beautiful. Wait, stars?_ She sat up too fast and regretted it. Her head felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. She brought both hands up and held her head and moaned. Why did feeling so good make you feel so bad? She dropped her hands and looked at her surroundings. She was on a beach. _What the fuck? _She looked down at herself. _At least I'm not naked._ Not that she would've really cared who did what to her.

She got on her knees and then stood up. She immediately fell back to the ground. Her head was spinning and her legs felt like jelly. "Could somebody help me up?" She called out. No one answered. She looked all around her. There was not a single person on the beach besides her. _Shit. How the hell did I get here? And where is my car?_

Sitting up got to be too much for her so she lay back down on the sand. She thought for a minute and pulled out her phone and hit the speed dial.

"Hello?"

He didn't even sound tired. She wondered what time it was. "Good, you're still up." She felt instant relief. He would come for her. She could always depend on him. She didn't deserve him.

"Of course I'm still up. I can't fucking sleep!" He yelled into the phone.

Peyton quickly pulled the phone away from her ear. "Nathan? What's wrong? What happened?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Then, "She left me Peyt. She left me for him, for her music. I didn't think she would do it, but she did. She just did."

He was broken and she was at a loss. "Nate I…she…Haley left? Why? I mean, she wouldn't do that, she… She loves you. I don't…I can't understand." She was having trouble putting complete sentences together. She didn't know if it was because of the shocking news or the lasting effects of her chosen drug.

"I don't…she just left Peyton. Okay!" He couldn't think straight either.

"Okay, Nathan. Okay." She said calmly. "Nathan, listen to me. I want you to c-call Lucas right now, okay? I would c-come over right now, but…I can't. I am…I j-just can't. Are you hearing me? Call your brother and tell him what you told me. He will…help I think." She was having trouble thinking.

"Peyton I don't…"

She cut him off. "Promise me Nate!" She yelled.

"Okay, okay. I promise. I'll call him now." He knew he shouldn't be by himself and so did she. He just didn't know how much she wanted to be there for him. He didn't know that she couldn't even stand up.

"G-good."

He was about to hang up when a thought occurred to him. "Why did you call me?"

She didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell him the truth, he had his own problems. "I j-just wanted to t-talk." She stuttered her way through the sentence. "I'm so sorry, Nate…about Haley. If you need anything…"

"Yeah, thanks Peyt." He hung up. He sounded so far away. She wished she could help somehow, but now she needed help.

She suddenly got very hot even though there was a nice cold breeze blowing in off the sea. She spread out her limbs like she was going to make a snow angel and just let herself breathe.

Her voice didn't go above a whisper, but she said, "Now what?"

She went through a list of people in her head that she might call. She came to Dan and laughed out loud. Lucas would be busy with Nathan. She wouldn't want to trust Lucas with this anyway. Karen…too many questions. Deb…no way. Brooke? She couldn't. Besides, she was probably busy gettin' it on with whatever guy she's found…or Lucas. She didn't think about that. _Fuck. Why am I cursed with these feelings?_

"Well, shit." She closed her eyes and punched Brooke's speed dial with her finger, then brought the phone back up to her ear.


	11. Chapter 11

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 11 – Self-Admissions

It rang three times. Brooke just stared at it. It was Peyton. Peyton. It was three o'clock in the morning. She knew Peyton was in distress of some kind. She had known it before her phone rang. She'd always been able to feel when her friend was hurting. Lately though, she felt it all the time, because Peyton Sawyer was hurting all the time. But she didn't want Brooke to help her. She had made that clear. She must not have any other choice right now Brooke decided.

"Peyton?" A groggy Brooke said.

"B-Brooke." Peyton answered. _Dammit!_ She was still stuttering.

"Are you okay?" Brooke was worried. She took Nathan's warning to heart.

"Um, well…n-not really." _Shit._ She really didn't want to pull Brooke into this.

"Where are you?" Brooke was panicked. She shot out of bed and threw on some pants while still keeping the phone to her ear.

Peyton sighed. She was making everything worse for everyone. Like always. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have c-called."

"Peyton stop! Of course you should have called." Brooke didn't know why Peyton decided to call her for help, but she wasn't going to let this chance to get close to Peyton get away. _You should have called me a long fucking time ago._ "Now what's wrong?"

Peyton hesitated. She didn't have to tell her everything, right? She wasn't thinking normally. She had a hard time keeping her emotions out of her thoughts. "B-Brooke, I need you." She said weakly.

"Okay Peyt, sit tight I'm coming." Brooke was already out the door and headed to her silver bug. "Wait, tell me where you are?"

"Um, okay, I'll t-try." Peyton opened her eyes for the first time since she called her best friend. She sat up on her elbows and moaned because her head was spinning out of control.

"Peyton? What is it?" Brooke was so damned worried she didn't know how to handle it.

"N-nothing." Peyton shook her head to clear it, and looked around for something familiar. "I-I see a lifeg-guard station…and, wait…b-behind me there are these huge rocks."

"Are there some twisted trees behind the rocks?" Brooke asked.

Peyton sat up all the way and looked behind her. She could just see the tops of the trees, but the dizziness got to be too much for her and she plopped back down on the sand with a huff. "Yeah, I s-see the t-trees." She was out of breath.

"Okay. Okay, good. I know exactly where you are. Just hold on Peyt, I'm already driving. I should be there in ten minutes." Brooke paused and thought for a second. "Peyton, are you cold?"

"No, I'm f-fucking hot right n-now. It's k-kinda stifling out here." Peyton answered.

_That's weird,_ Brooke thought. _It's actually kinda cold out tonight. _She hesitated, not sure if she should ask the next question."Why are you stuttering?"

_Shit_, Peyton thought. _Being cold would've been a great excuse, dammit._"I d-don't know." She lied. She had no clue how to stop it either.

Brooke sighed audibly over the phone.

Peyton closed her eyes again. Her head was spinning while she was lying down now, and she still couldn't breathe right. She thought she'd better tell her just in case something happened. Plus, she was starting to get a little freaked out. "B-Brooke, I'm having a hard t-time breathing, and I'm really d-dizzy." She was barely able to breathe out that last word.

"Oh my god! Just hold on P. Sawyer. I'm coming, okay?" _Please don't die on me!_ "I'm almost there. Stay on the phone with me P."

Brooke was driving at highly illegal speeds. She saw the beach she was looking for and swerved to a stop at the base of the sand. She got out of her car without even turning it off and ran through the trees toward the boulders. She took the well-worn path through them that led down to the water. She finally stood on the beach where she thought Peyton was, but she saw no sign of her. _Crap!_ "Peyton, I'm here. Where are you? I don't see you." Brooke's voice was high and panicked.

Peyton breathed heavily into the phone. "I'm lying on my b-back. I c-can't stand up B-Brooke."

Brooke ran out into the middle of the beach and turned around in a circle looking in all directions. The cold wind was blowing her hair away, but the moon was bright. Every shadow on the sand gave her hope. "Okay babe, you can't stand, so can you just, wave an arm in the air or something?"

Silence.

"Peyton, can you hear me?"

Nothing. Brooke looked at her phone. She was still connected. "Peyt, you're scaring me. Peyton!" She yelled.

She kept turning and looking in every direction. She was starting to hyperventilate. She had to find her! "Peeyy-ton!" She yelled again. She took a breath and closed her eyes as she tried to calm herself. She ran her hand through her dark, blowing hair to settle it down as well.

She opened her eyes again…and saw a faint light in the sand about fifty feet from her position. She ran as fast as she dared and came upon a cell phone…the source of the light. The cell phone was attached to a hand. Brooke's heart was going a million miles an hour. She had found her! "Oh thank God! Peyton!" She breathed out, and cried in relief.

Peyton's body was limp on the sand. Brooke knelt down and cradled Peyton's head in her hands. "Oh P. Sawyer, what am I gonna do with you?" She smoothed Peyton's hair out of her face and bent down and kissed her forehead, then reached out and grabbed Peyton cell phone and stuck it in her pocket with her own phone.

_She feels so cold, but at least she's breathing._ "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer! Wake up!" Brooke yelled.

Peyton stirred a bit, but didn't open her eyes.

"Peyton come on honey, open your eyes." Brooke slapped her on the cheek lightly, then harder when the first had no effect.

Brooke breathed in relief as Peyton's eyes slowly opened. "B-Brooke? Is that you?" Peyton's voice was very groggy.

Tears were flowing down Brooke's face, but she still smiled when Peyton spoke to her. "Yeah P, it's me. You scared me babe." She said, caressing Peyton's cheek.

Peyton reached up and put her hand on Brooke's. "I'm so sorry B. I d-didn't want t-to d-drag you into this." She stuttered out. "I only wanted you to b-be happy, and not worry about me."

Brooke almost laughed out loud. "How could I be happy without my P. Sawyer, huh?" She was still smiling through her tears. She was just so happy to have Peyton safe in her arms.

Now Peyton smiled. "Probably about as happy as I could be without my B. Davis."

She didn't stutter once through that sentence Brooke noticed.

Peyton and Brooke stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was only less than a minute. They both were remembering their past with the other and how one couldn't possibly see a future without the other.

Peyton closed her eyes again in pure exhaustion, and that caused Brooke's head to clear instantly. "Peyton, keep your eyes open for me." She said calmly for Peyton's sake, but inside she was going crazy.

She did open her eyes again but said, "I d-don't think I can stay awake much longer, B." Her voice was barely there.

Brooke took a steadying breath. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna stand you up and take you to my car, and I'm gonna take you home. Can you stay awake that long?"

"D-don't know." Peyton was only taking in short breaths, Brooke noticed. She tried her best not to break down and sob because her friend was in such bad shape. _How did I let it get this far?_ Brooke thought.

Brooke stood up. "Come on P. Sawyer, you gotta help me out here. I can't do this without you, so you better damn well stay awake!" She took Peyton by the arms and got her to sit up.

"Oh, my head is spinning." Peyton said weakly. She leaned her head on Brooke's arm.

"I know, just hold it together for a little while longer till I can get you home." Brooke said emphatically.

Peyton looked into Brooke's eyes and saw the love she was missing in her life. _This can't be right. I'm still high._ "I'll d-do my best, B-Brooke." She got out.

Peyton was able to stand up while Brooke lifted her up from her arms. "Okay, good job, P. Now walk."

Brooke took Peyton's arm with one hand and put her other arm around Peyton's middle. As soon as Brooke grabbed a hold of her side, Peyton hissed in pain and nearly doubled over. Brooke quickly released her side afraid that she had hurt Peyton. "What is it? What's wrong, Peyt?"

"M-my ribs, they hurt." Peyton said through gritted teeth.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No," Peyton cut her off. "It wasn't you Brooke." She blew out a breath through her teeth. "Okay, I think I'm ready now."

She stumbled a lot through the sand, but Brooke was able to hold her up by her shoulder. Brooke was amazed at how light Peyton had become over the last two months. She had lifted her plenty during cheer practice and she wasn't heavy then, but now she was as light as a feather. That worried Brooke even more.

Peyton was so damn dizzy she didn't know up from down. All she could do was watch Brooke and do what she did. Before she knew it Brooke was helping her into a seat in her car. She heard the door shut and tried to get out, but she was held in by a seatbelt. _Why does Brooke keep her car so fucking hot?_ She pushed and pushed against the car-door, but it wouldn't budge. She couldn't find the door handle and the seatbelt wouldn't come off. "Brooke! I c-can't get out. Help me!" Peyton yelled.

Brooke saw what was happening as soon as she got in the driver's seat. She reached over and grabbed Peyton's hands with her own and said, "Peyton, listen to me. You are okay. I'm not gonna let anything hurt you." She said it very calmly. When Peyton looked like she was done panicking Brooke placed her hands by her sides and let go. "I'm not going anywhere, P. I'm right here."

"Brooke, I'm so scared." Peyton's voice was barely above a whisper.

Brooke looked her squarely in the eyes. "Well I'm not scared." She said confidently, even though it was a lie. "And I'm not leaving you." At least the last part was true. She put the car in gear and backed up. "You better keep your damn eyes open until I tell you otherwise, you hear me?"

Peyton smile with half of her mouth. "I hear you." She looked at Brooke while she drove her home. The dizziness took over her head, but watching Brooke helped her to focus. She said, "Thank you B. Davis."

Brooke glanced over in her direction. "Anything for you P. Anything." Brooke wished Peyton knew how much she meant that, but she doubted Peyton would remember anything about tonight.

When she got to her house, Brooke looked over at her best friend as she turned off her car. Peyton had her head laid against the headrest still staring at Brooke. Peyton's eyes held no emotion. They just stared right into Brooke's with no thought, no care, no intentions whatsoever. This scared Brooke. She sat there and looked deeply into Peyton's eyes and saw… emptiness. Her best friend had given up, completely. In that second of realization, Brooke's heart broke.

A single tear rolled down Brooke's cheek. Peyton noticed this and reached out her hand to catch it. She kept her hand on Brooke's cheek and caressed it carefully, sweetly even. Brooke's eyes were still lost in Peyton's and in that moment she saw a glimmer of hope: love. Then Peyton dropped her hand and it was gone. But Brooke had seen it! She saw it and she knew that all was not lost. She was going to bring her best friend back to herself, and to Brooke.

Without a word spoken, Brooke got out of her car and walked calmly around it to Peyton's side. Brooke had adopted a mission for her life. She was already committed to her best friend, but this was going to be different. Peyton was the most important person in her life. She always had been, and now she always would be. She was going to find out who or what was doing this to her P. Sawyer, and then she was going to kick its ass.

Brooke opened the car door and just as Peyton was about try and stand, Brooke put her arms around her shoulders and under her legs and carried her best friend inside the house. Peyton was too dizzy and zoned out to protest, so she laid her head on Brooke's shoulder and buried her face in her neck. She kept going past the front room and down the hall to her own room and laid Peyton on her bed.

She untied Peyton's converse shoes and pulled them off, then sat her back up and pulled her arms out of her leather jacket to take it off. She gently held the back of her head and laid her back down on the pillow. She stared and the green eyes that were silently staring back at her. "What am I gonna do with you, P. Sawyer?" She paused, and then went on with something she had been avoiding. "Peyton, you're obviously using again. Now I don't know why, but I know it has something to do with whatever your secret is." Brooke got tears in her eyes, so she looked out of her window at the night then back at her best friend. "God, Peyton! You sat right there in Haley's apartment and said you would never do drugs again. You said you were done! I believed you Peyt! I did." Brooke sighed. "Now I…I could lose you." Her voice broke. "I can't lose you Pey, I can't." Now she changed to her most stern voice. "I know you didn't want me involved in whatever this is, but guess what? I'm not going to let you keep me from it. I've been involved since we were eight and I'm not quitting now or ever. You have no fucking choice! You know why? Because I love you. I love you, and I'm never going to stop. Is that clear?"

Peyton nodded and continued to stare at Brooke like she missed her terribly. Brooke smiled slightly at her and said, "You can close your eyes now sweetie. I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise."

Peyton seemed to accept this and closed her eyes. She finally felt safe now that she was with Brooke. Safe was something she hadn't felt in a long time. She liked the feeling.

Brooke continued to watch her until her breathing evened out and she was sure she was asleep. Brooke went to her dresser and pulled out some shorts and a tank for Peyton. She undid Peyton's pants and pulled them off and slipped the shorts on, then she carefully pulled off Peyton's shirt, not wanting to hurt her anymore. Once it was off she tried to examine Peyton with what little light was coming from her bathroom. Brooke sucked in a sharp breath when she saw the huge circular bruise on her rib cage area. She gingerly reached out her fingers and touched it. Peyton's face briefly contorted in pain and Brooke quickly pulled back her hand. As she looked away from Peyton's face she glanced at her arm and saw marks on them like she was grabbed roughly. Then her eyes went to her neck and chest. She saw multiple marks. Some of them were older and healing, but others looked to have been done very recently. Some were bite marks.

Brooke's anger stirred within her chest. _Who would do this to Peyton? What bastard could hurt this sweet girl like that? _She felt her cheeks wet with her own tears. Now she was even more careful as she slipped the tank top over Peyton's head and down her torso.

She knew she could never sleep again tonight. Peyton might need her, besides, she had too many thoughts running through her head she had to process. _Why would Peyton hide this from me? Maybe she was too ashamed? But, still she should've told me! Fuck, what happened to us! We were Brooke and Peyton, and now we're just Brooke…and Peyton. _Brooke gently caressed Peyton's face with her hand and whispered. "I'm going to fix us Peyton, and make us right again." She thought about her Peyton Sawyer and the way things had been lately. After she forgave Peyton and Lucas for cheating, she had hoped her and Peyton would grow closer, and they had grown closer…until something happened. But, what? Brooke hated that Peyton didn't trust her enough to tell her whatever it was that was hurting her. She would tell Peyton if it were her. She would tell Peyton anything, and do anything for Peyton. She loved her. The one thing she wouldn't…no, couldn't tell her was how much she loved her. She would never understand, and it would ruin their friendship. Brooke Davis was in an impossible situation. She thought back to when she first knew of her feelings for Peyton Sawyer. She knew the exact night it happened. She knew she could never forget it.

It had been burned into her memory forever.

111

_I opened myself up to my heart at an early age. I knew I was taking a risk by always laying it out there, but I've always known that if I didn't then I wouldn't be true to myself. That's just who I am. I expect people to be honest with me, so I have to honest with myself. _

_At least, that's what I believed until tonight. _

_There we were, nearing the end of seventh grade. Peyton and I were already establishing ourselves as THE girls to party with, well that's how I was establishing myself, but I always dragged Peyton along for the ride. _

_Tonight the party was at my house. My parents were so glad I was little miss social butterfly, that they pretty much let me do whatever I wanted. They thought of it as training for my future of being rich and royal. I just liked having my friends around me. _

_It was supposed to be a small party, but let's face it: it never is. Everyone who mattered was there, including kids from high school. They knew royalty when they saw it, my mother said. I had just rolled my eyes. _

_Now my parents were doing what they did best: they were gone, which was fine with me. At least they weren't here fighting and embarrassing me in front of my friends. _

_Currently a group of us were playing spin the bottle. I had orchestrated this whole game because I had a crush on James McKnight. Peyton knew it and had made sure that he sat in the position right across from me. Me and Peyton were good like that. _

_We were all laughing because Nathan had just had to kiss this girl Jamie that had a crush on him. But Peyton and I both knew that Nathan was not into her at all. He was too nice to say no. Jamie was on cloud nine._

_My turn was next. I eyed Peyton as I got up to spin the bottle. She winked at me and I smiled. I wished myself good luck and set the bottle spinning. It came to a stop right in front of Peyton. I looked up at her green eyes and slightly panicked. Great my stupid luck wasn't working. _

_Peyton spoke up. "Ok, spin it again. You get two chances." _

"_Oh yeah," I said, relieved. I spun it once more, harder this time. This time it landed pointing straight at …Peyton, again? Super. _

_Nathan laughed. "Well Brooke it's a sign. You have to kiss Peyton!"_

"_Nathan," I yelled, "you are a perv!" _

"_What are you scared to kiss a girl?" James McKnight teased. _

_Now I actually didn't want to kiss him so much. _

"_No," I said, "I'm not scared to kiss a girl." It was true, but I had really wanted to kiss him._

"_Prove it!" James said. Everyone else started chanting for me to prove it as well. Junior high…love it…not! _

"_Fine," I said, and crawled over to Peyton from my spot on the floor. Peyton had been laughing good naturedly along with everyone else, but now she had this smirk on her face. Well I decided I was going to wipe that smirk right off her face. I grabbed her chin with one hand and pulled her closer to me. "I'm not scared." I whispered to her with a twinkle in my eye. I planted my lips right onto hers for a full two seconds. I didn't mean to kiss her that long, but I couldn't stop. Something was physically stopping me from moving away from her. _

_I pulled back and gasped at the same time. "Ow, you shocked me!" I said. But it was weird because it didn't feel like a static shock, it felt more electric. What the hell was that?_

"_Sorry." Peyton said. She still had that smirk on her face. _

"_Humph." I said. _

_Nathan spoke up and said, "She couldn't have shocked you because you would have felt it right away instead after two whole seconds."_

_When did he become Mr. Science? _

"_I dunno," I said. "I'm not a geek."_

_Everyone laughed at this and the boy beside me got up to spin the bottle. _

_I, however, was left feeling very strange. When I kissed my best friend my stomach had done a huge flip-flop. I had never felt like that from a kiss before. It had me feeling…scared. The very thing I had said that I wasn't. What did this mean? Nothing, I told myself it meant nothing. It was only Peyton, for crying out loud! _

_Peyton and I did everything together. I went over to her house every day after her mom died and helped her through it. She made me feel better when my parents were fighting, and when I had run away one night because of them, she knew right where to find me and took me home with her. We loved each other. But I wasn't in love with her, right? I'm only in seventh freaking grade! I'm not supposed to like a girl. But I knew what my heart felt, and what it didn't feel. Like I said, I was very in-tune to my heart from a very young age._

_Right now, I knew what my heart wanted: Peyton. But that could never be. _

_I sat there not really paying attention to the game anymore. I looked over at Peyton. She was giving me an odd look. She knew I had gone somewhere else. I shook my head as if to clear it and gave her a smile. She smiled back. I guessed that she hadn't felt anything when we kissed. I wouldn't really have expected her to. She had a closed heart since her mom died. Only a few people were allowed in: her dad, me, and Nathan. _

_She wasn't ready for this, and to tell the truth, neither was I. But I had felt it! It was there. I just hoped if I ignored it long enough that it would go away. I valued our friendship too much to ruin it over anything. _

_Little did I know that these feelings I had for her would only grow and grow, and never fade. _

_That night was the first time I started lying to my own heart._

111

Brooke lay down next to Peyton and put an arm around her lightly so she wouldn't wake. Her own memories had invaded her mind and wouldn't let her sleep again. They stayed like that for a few hours, and just as daylight was peeking through the bedroom curtains Brooke felt Peyton shivering under her arm. She looked into her face and saw that it was contorted with fear and even pain. Peyton moaned like she was in pain. Brooke started to wake her up and then she stopped herself. As much as she didn't want Peyton to have to go through this nightmare, she also needed to know any information about why her best friend was hurting herself with drugs. She knew Peyton wasn't going to come out and tell her. So…she listened and watched.

Brooke remembered when a younger Peyton would have nightmares after her mother had died. Brooke had always been right there to wake and comfort her. She knew how bad those dreams had been at the time, but this one was much worse than anything she had seen Peyton go through.

"No, stop!" Peyton yelled as though her life depended on it. Still she didn't wake. "D-don't hurt her. Take me again, please!" Peyton pleaded with some unknown bastard.

_Again?_ Brooke thought.

Brooke had to scoot away from her friend so she wouldn't get hit. Peyton started thrashing about in her sleep and screamed bloody murder. Brooke couldn't stand to see Peyton like this for another second. She was going to hurt herself if Brooke didn't stop her soon. Brooke timed it right so she could move in and grab Peyton's hands without getting smacked.

Peyton felt herself being grabbed so she opened her eyes and screamed again. Her eyes were fuzzy and she couldn't breathe. She didn't know who had her hands in a vice grip, but she wasn't going down without a fight. She let her hands go limp and suddenly punched forward with all her might. It worked. The hands let go of her. She sat up and looked around wildly. She didn't know where she was or how she got there. She was hyperventilating.

"Peyton calm down. You're safe. It's me, Brooke."

Peyton focused on the familiar, soothing voice that was coming from the floor. Her eyes cleared and she saw her best friend on the floor holding a hand to her lip.

"Did…did I hit you?" Peyton asked cautiously.

Brooke pulled her hand away from her lip and saw blood on her fingers. "No, my face bumped into your fist." She said, trying to lighten the mood. Brooke got up from the floor where she had landed after the punch and came and sat on the bed next to Peyton.

Peyton laid back on the headboard and calmed her breathing. "I'm sorry B, I didn't mean to punch you."

"I know." Brooke smiled, and then winced in pain. "Ouch."

Peyton reached up and touch Brooke lip, then she smiled. "Hope I didn't knock out a tooth." She chuckled lightly, wanting to evade the inevitable questions that were to follow.

"Be glad you didn't because then you would have a toothless best friend." Brooke let Peyton have her moment, before she got serious.

Peyton saw the serious face that her best friend put on. She wanted to redirect Brooke's thoughts from asking about her dream so she surprised Brooke by asking, "So, how did I get here?" She looked at Brooke sheepishly. She had a feeling she would be apologizing a lot today.

"You called me." Brooke said, she wasn't forgetting about the dream but she figure now was the time to deal with other issues. "I found you on the beach, passed out. I took you home, and here we are." She took Peyton's hand in her own. "Do you remember anything about last night?"

Peyton thought back. "The last thing I remember was dancing to live music at Tric, then I woke up here." Peyton took a deep breath and squeezed Brooke's hand. "Brooke, I'm really sorry about all this."

Brooke shut her eyes for a second before she answered. "You don't have to apologize to me for calling me to take care of you Peyt. I like taking care of you. What I don't like is finding out my bestest friend in the world is using drugs."

Peyton's eyes got wide, but before she could speak up, Brooke went on. "I don't like it when you're in pain, emotional or physical. I don't like it that you won't tell me who is hurting you." Brooke voice was shaking now.

"Brooke I…" Peyton started, but Brooke cut her off.

"Don't even try to deny it Peyton! I saw the marks on your body, and the huge ass bruise on your ribs! You have to tell me what's going on, and Peyt, I think you need to go to the hospital. You ribs are awfully tender. They might be broken." Brooke sighed.

Peyton took her hand out of Brooke's hand. "Brooke, I'm not going to the hospital. I'm fine…I'll heal." She amended. Brooke's face looked as if she were about to protest, but Peyton added, "But you're right Brooke. I should've told you more than I did, and not cut you completely out of my life." Peyton looked out at the sunny day, and then looked back at her best friend. "The truth is Brooke, I don't remember a lot of my life lately, and there is a reason for it. I take the drugs to make me feel better…to make me forget. I…I can't…I don't want you to know what kind of person I am Brooke." She took a breath, and Brooke gestured for her to go on. "I am ashamed of the person I've become." A tear came down Peyton's cheek and Brooke brushed it away with her thumb.

"Peyt, I will never be ashamed of you. You always amaze me." Brooke paused; she didn't trust her voice not to break. "I'm not gonna make you tell me, but P, I am gonna help you, whether you want it or not."

Peyton nodded her head. "I do want you help Brooke, always. I've missed you so…" She couldn't finish because of her voice cracking and because Brooke wrapped her in a hug.

"I've missed you too, P. Sawyer." They were both crying now.

Brooke pulled back a little and asked, "Can we just hang out today? Please?"

Peyton smiled. "Of course. That would be perfect." She looked at the clock. "Wow, it's only seven. I don't really want to go back to sleep though." She said, thinking of her dream.

Brooke's eyes got that gleam, and she said, "How about you take a shower…because you've got sand in places I don't even want to know about…and I'll make breakfast."

Peyton laughed. "You're going to cook?"

Brooke smiled. "Maybe I will. Now get your stinky ass in the shower!" She slapped Peyton's thigh and got up to leave the room. She turned back and said, "You know I love you, right?"

Peyton was still smiling. "I do know that Brooke."

Brooke smiled again and left to go see about breakfast. She knew they were still a long way from where she wanted them to be, but it was a start.


	12. Chapter 12

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 12 – Self-admissions II

As soon as Brooke left the room, Peyton pushed herself off the bed and went into the bathroom to take her shower. She knew she shouldn't be here. She knew she shouldn't be confiding in Brooke, but she wanted to. It made her feel so much better to have her best friend back, even if it was only for a minute. She was glad Brooke knew about the drugs. At least she didn't have to hide that anymore. She hated to hide from Brooke. She loved Brooke Davis. _Dammit! _She didn't want to continue that line of thought.

She pulled off her tank top and winced at the pain. _Wow, that is a damn nasty-looking bruise. Brooke was right._ She touched it gingerly and tried to assess her pain level. She thought that maybe it was just a couple cracks and not broken. There was no way she was going to the hospital for this. She couldn't take the chance they might drug test her, not to mention awkward questions about the numerous marks on her body.

She took the rest of her clothing off and stepped under the scalding water. She closed her eyes and let it flow down her face and over her body. She leaned into the water and let her mind wander. Sure, she could hang out with Brooke today, right? She just wouldn't let the conversation get into any…uncomfortable subjects. What if He called her? _Shit._ Maybe he wouldn't. _Yeah, right._ She could dream.

Dream…she hoped Brooke wouldn't ask about her dream. Dan was this big, ugly giant trying to beat the crap out of her and Brooke, and then he had taken Brooke to fuck her hard. She had asked…no begged him to take her instead. She knew what he was going to do to Brooke, and she couldn't stand for it. She knew what it felt like. She would protect her with everything she had.

Brooke. It always came back to Brooke Davis. Peyton couldn't imagine life without Brooke, and yet here she was trying to push Brooke away. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't let Brooke get far. She couldn't deny how she felt every time she only just looked at her best friend. She remembered the first time she felt it, the first time she knew she was in love with Brooke Davis. It all came rushing back to her…

_Freshman year. Great. I hoped high school wasn't going to be as bad as everyone said. At least I had someone to rough it out with: Brooke. She was the bestest friend a girl could ask for, and I didn't know what I'd do without her. Most likely, I wouldn't be here._

_The day I realized my feelings for my best friend it was raining outside. We were in chemistry together. She was my lab partner, which was great for her because she was never great at science. _

_Halfway through the class I was using the periodic table of elements to figure out if oxygen and aluminum would be a covalent bond or not, when Brooke said something really funny. I started laughing so hard! Now I don't even remember what it was she said, but I just know it had been hilarious. Our chemistry teacher, Mr. Jeffers, had come over and asked us why covalent bonds were so funny. _

_I had nothing to respond with, but Brooke had it covered. "Mr. Jeffers, I thought the point was to make chemistry fun so we will become passionate about it and maybe in the future create cures for cancer and stuff." Brooke never batted an eye as she answered Mr. Jeffers question without really answering it. _

_Mr. Jeffers seemed pretty happy with that response though because he said, "That's right Brooke, chemistry is fun. All of you should listen to Miss Davis here." He addressed the whole class now and started a lecture about the passion of chemistry and science in general._

_Once we were out of the spot light, Brooke looked at me and smiled with those dimples of hers. _

_Just a smile._

_It was that smile that did it. Her smile was soft and knowing, and her eyes had looked right into my soul. She smiled at me a million times before, but at that moment, something clicked in my head and jumped in my heart. _

_I realized I was still staring at her long after she had turned her attention back to Mr. Jeffers. I looked down at my periodic table and got back to work, but I couldn't stop thinking about Brooke and that smile. Why was it so different from any other time? _

_Then it hit me like a ton of freaking bricks. I dropped my pencil and it hit the floor. Brooke looked at me to see what was wrong. She saw my pencil and picked it up off the floor. "Thanks," I whispered to her as she handed it to me. _

_She leaned over and whispered back. "Peyt, you're paler than normal. Is something wrong?"_

"_Fine," I said and bent my head over my notebook. I knew she knew I was lying, but she let me have my space and didn't say anything more. Me and Brooke were good like that. She always got it out of me later._

_There was no way she was going to get this out of me though. This couldn't be. It wasn't possible. I couldn't be… could I? I couldn't feel like this toward my best friend. But that was the feeling, the one that had hit me like a ton of bricks: love. I was in love with Brooke Davis. What the hell? _

_I stopped that line of thought before I started to hyperventilate. It would be okay. I was good at burying my feelings since my mom died, so that's exactly what I would do. Brooke would never feel the same, so I would quit feeling that way. Simple. _

_I breathed out a sigh of relief before I remembered I was still next to my best friend. She looked at me questioningly. I quickly shook my head, smiled, and turned my attention to our teacher. _

_What I didn't know was that it would never be simple. Not once. For now though, I rolled with it. _

_It became harder and harder to keep my feelings buried, but I was determined. Brooke could never know. _

_The very next month I started dating Nathan, my other best friend. _

_Simple? Right. _

"Peyton," Brooke yelled through the bathroom door, shaking Peyton out of her reverie. "Did you fall in or what? Your food is getting cold."

Peyton turned off the water. "Um, I'm almost done." She yelled back. Food. She hadn't eaten in over 24 hours, yet she still wasn't hungry. She hurriedly dried herself off and grabbed one of Brooke's robes. She looked in the medicine cabinet for something to dull the pain in her ribs but found nothing.

Brooke was sitting at the little breakfast nook eating the breakfast she had made for the both of them. She pointed at the chair opposite her. "Sit. Eat." She said between mouthfuls.

Peyton sat down and looked at her plate. Brooke had made eggs, toast, grits, bacon, coffee, and had poured them both some orange juice. "Wow, this is….amazing Brooke. Thanks."

"Well, you look so thin, like you haven't eaten in days. Plus, I carried your ass in the house last night and you didn't weigh hardly anything."

"You carried me?" Peyton asked. "I don't recall that."

Brooke scoffed. "Big surprise there." She winked at Peyton.

Peyton felt her heart jump in her chest at Brooke's wink and quickly found her plate very interesting.

"Don't just stare at it. Eat up." Brooke gestured with her fork.

Peyton picked up her own fork and moved some eggs around the plate. "So, can you help me with something?"

Brooke noticed that Peyton was only playing with her food, but she said, "Of course, anything."

"Do you have any pain meds here, and maybe some tape to wrap up my ribs?"

"Hmm, yeah probably in the first aid kit for the tape, and I'll have to look in my parents bathroom for the pain meds." Brooke answered, but then said, "Only if you eat your breakfast that is." Brooke had a twinkle in her eye.

Peyton smiled and put some eggs in her mouth. She forgot how easy it was to be with Brooke.

With their stomachs full they were up in Brooke's bathroom again. Peyton had swallowed the pain pills with some water, and now Brooke was preparing to tape up Peyton's ribs. Peyton had found a bra and some underwear from Brooke's dresser to wear, but she hadn't gotten around to finding some actual clothes yet.

Brooke was again astonished at all the bruises and marks that Peyton had on her body, but beyond that, Peyton was ripped. She had a killer set of abs. Brooke thought they definitely rivaled her own. She was kinda turned on and was desperately trying not to show it. After all, Peyton was in pain.

"So," Brooke said, "have you been working out? You're pretty ripped."

"I am?" Peyton looked down at her body. "I guessed I haven't really noticed. I've been running a lot."

"Well, it's definitely working for you." Brooke said, impressed.

Peyton was just glad Brooke didn't say anything about her obvious bruises.

Brooke pulled the tape up. "You ready?"

Peyton nodded.

Brooke started the tape well above the colored area and wrapped it tight. Being the captain of the cheerleading squad she had to wrap more than a few ankles in the past.

When Brooke moved the tape down to the bruise, Peyton winced and doubled over. Brooke didn't let go of the roll of tape so that it wouldn't fall and hit Peyton's bruise. Brooke and Peyton's heads were very close together because of the way they were positioned. Brooke breathed in Peyton's clean scent. It was so intoxicating. Brooke closed her eyes for a second to clear her head. She was supposed to be helping Peyton, not smelling her. _Dammit Brooke!_ She berated herself. She grabbed Peyton by the shoulder with her other hand. "Peyt, are you okay?"

Peyton blew air through her teeth before she answered. "Yeah." She straightened up. "Keep going."

Peyton closed her eyes while Brooke finished. It was hard for Brooke to concentrate on her task with a semi-naked Peyton just inches from her body, but she finished all too soon. Not soon enough for Peyton. "All done." Brooke said.

Peyton breathed a sigh of relief and opened her eyes. "Thanks." She said quietly.

"No prob. Now let's find you some clean clothes." _Before I lose my mind and jump you._ Brooke thought.

"So," Brooke said, "I thought we could watch some TV and relax for a bit and then maybe go to the park and walk…if you're up for it that is."

Peyton carefully pulled a shirt on. "Oh yeah, I'll be fine. It would be good to walk off some of this pain anyway."

111

A walk in the park was a great idea. Peyton needed to stretch her legs. She hadn't been for a run since yesterday morning and it was starting to get to her. Sitting around at Brooke's house was making her antsy. She needed something to take her mind off her need for coke. Besides, she knew Brooke could tell why she couldn't sit still. Now that Brooke knew about the drugs she didn't have to think of excuses for her behavior. That was a nice change, but she still didn't want Brooke prying into other areas of her life by asking too many questions Peyton couldn't answer.

Her ribs felt a little better since Brooke had tapped them up, but she was still cautious. The pain medication Brooke found in her parents medicine cabinet had not even made a dent in her pain. Peyton supposed that was a side effect of the drug use. Brooke was amazing to take care of her like this even though Peyton had not treated her well. Peyton knew how lucky she was to have Brooke. Now, Brooke was driving them to the park. This would totally be one of those fun 'Brooke and Peyton days' if not for the constant feeling of dread Peyton had in her stomach.

Brooke looked over at Peyton to make sure she was doing okay for the tenth time since leaving her house. "Whatcha thinking?"

Peyton looked back at Brooke, knowing how concerned Brooke must be for her, she told her the truth. "Only that this would be one of our great days together if not for this horrible feeling of dread that I always seem to have lately." She paused, knowing Brooke would want more explanation. She rested her elbow on the car door and let her fingers play with the lining of the window. "You know what Brooke? I'm glad you know about the drugs. I hate hiding things from you. I really do." She sighed.

Brooke kept her eyes on the road while she spoke. "This may surprise you Peyton, but I know that already. Partly because I hate keeping things from you too, and partly because I can always see it in your eyes." She smiled over at her best friend.

Peyton half-smiled back. "Thanks B. Davis….I feel like I'm always saying thank you to you."

Brooke let that one go because they pulled up to the park right then. Brooke got out and Peyton was about to, but then she had trouble trying to unlock her seatbelt. She finally got it undone and was about to open her door when it opened for her. She looked up to see Brooke smiling down at her.

"Welcome to the park." Brooke said.

The gesture made Peyton chuckle as she got out of the car, but then that hurt her ribs so she winced in pain. She tried to hide the fact that she was clutching her side from Brooke, but it was too late.

Again though, Brooke chose to let it go, but the smile on her face went away. "Zip up your jacket. It's kinda breezy out."

Peyton was grateful that Brooke didn't say anything about her ribs, so she decided not to say anything about the jacket comment.

As they walked Peyton realized that this might not be the greatest plan she's ever had. She could hardly call it a plan since it just happened, but she didn't know what else to call it. Brooke was acting like it was her job to take care of Peyton now. That wasn't really a great idea since Peyton needed to keep Brooke at a distance. It was a nice gesture, and Peyton secretly loved that Brooke wanted to take care of her, but the end result would only hurt Brooke…and Peyton couldn't stand for that anymore than she had to. She looked over at Brooke who was walking beside her with her hands in her jacket pockets. She couldn't help but think how beautiful she was.

Brooke noticed and stared back at Peyton. "What?" She asked.

"Nothing." Peyton smiled. "Just thinking."

"Well you better think your way over here. I'm cold." Brooke smiled and held out her arm to Peyton.

They linked arms and Peyton leaned a bit on Brooke while they walked because of the pain in her side. Peyton and Brooke both couldn't help but feel at least a little bit of happiness while they were so close to each other.

Peyton and Brooke's favorite spot at this park was where a bridge crossed the stream. It was always so lovely anytime of the year. They had walked for a while down some dirt paths before they came to the bridge. Halfway across the bridge Peyton had to stop again and hold her side for a minute. Brooke was so worried about her best friend. "Peyt, are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"

Peyton looked up at Brooke. "Yes, I'm sure." She said while wincing in pain.

"But you're so pathetic." Brooke said, frustrated with the situation.

"Oh, thanks." Peyton said, trying lighten things up a bit. Brooke's expression didn't change though. "Look, if I couldn't walk then I would go to the hospital, but I can walk, okay?"

Brooke didn't answer. She was looking past Peyton at something else. "Hmm, maybe he can get you to go to the hospital." Brooke walked past Peyton.

"Huh?" Peyton said, and turned around to see who Brooke was talking about. _Him._ If Peyton hadn't been holding on to the rail of the bridge she would've fallen over in shock. Brooke was halfway to Dan before Peyton could stop her. She thought this was her nightmare come true. "No…" She whispered to herself, her eyes going wide.

"What have we got here?" Dan said with his blaring voice. He had a smile on his face.

"Hey, Mr. Scott. How are you?" Brooke said politely.

"Oh I'm doing very well Ms. Davis. I'm just on my morning jog." Dan answered. Still smiling sweetly, he looked up the bridge at Peyton. "Ms. Sawyer, how are you?"

Peyton thought the look on his face was disgusting. She was surprised Brooke didn't see it. "Fine," was all Peyton said.

Brooke gave her a look that said, _don't be rude_. "Actually, Mr. Scott, Peyton's not fine. I was hoping you could help me to convince her to see a doctor."

Peyton was completely mortified. If she could run she would've done so, but she could barely walk as it was.

Dan's expression of sympathy looked genuine. "I'll certainly try to help with whatever I can. What seems to be the problem?" Dan and Brooke started walking back towards Peyton.

Peyton started backing away, but stopped herself. She had to get Brooke out of here. Peyton was sweating and her breathing came in short huffs. _This cannot be happening._ Peyton tried to calm herself, but to no avail. "B-Brooke, please, I don't need to go to the hospital." She begged.

Brooke wasn't listening to her. She was telling Dan something Peyton couldn't hear. They both looked at Peyton. Brooke's expression was of love compared to Dan's expression of conceit. But of course Brooke didn't see Dan's face right then.

Brooke did notice that Peyton looked very pale, which only spurred her on to ask Dan for help. Brooke reached for Peyton's shirt to pull it up and Peyton instinctively jumped out of her reach. That jump cost her though. She doubled up and fell on the ground, almost passing out from the pain. She ignored the pain as best she could and immediately got up with the help of the bridge railing.

Brooke had a confused expression on her face now. She was saying something and Dan was nodding along, agreeing with her. Peyton couldn't hear them. She grabbed Brooke's hand and half-ran, half-walked with all the strength she had left, away from Dan.

Brooke was yelling something in Peyton's ear, but she couldn't understand what it was. All sound was garbled. Peyton didn't stop until she reached Brooke's car. She turned around to see where Dan was, but there was no sign of him.

She leaned against the car and suddenly her hearing came back. She realized she was breathing hard and in a lot of pain. She focused on Brooke's face for the first time since leaving the bridge. She was saying something.

"….crazy or something? What the hell happened back there? Do you even hear me?"

Peyton put up a hand to stop her. "I hear you Brooke." She took a second to catch her breath. "Can you just unlock your car so we can leave, please?" She looked past Brooke, watching for Him. "Hurry, please."

Brooke just looked at her. She looked so pale and scared. She was hyperventilating and sweaty. _What is wrong with her?_ "Ok, Peyton, ok." She unlocked her car and they both got in.

Peyton immediately locked the doors once they were inside and safe.

Brooke turned and looked at her. "What the hell was that about, Peyton?"

Peyton had to think quickly. "I don't really know. I…I think I blacked out…or something. I…I'm not sure." She paused to get her story straight. "Um…what happened?" She thought maybe she should let Brooke tell her.

"What happened? You don't know?" Brooke was incredulous.

_How could I have thought it would be okay to let Brooke back in? I am so fucking selfish! _She decided on a version of the truth. "I think I know, but it's blurry. All I saw was my nightmare vision. Some man was trying to hurt us. I had to get you away Brooke! I was so scared." Peyton had tears streaming down her face at this point. She never knew she was that good. Deep down she knew she really wasn't that good of an actor, but she didn't know where the tears had come from. She did know she had been really scared. Maybe that was it.

Brooke pulled Peyton into her arms and hugged her tight. "Peyt, I didn't know what was happening. I was trying to help and you …you jumped away from my touch." Brooke was crying now, and Peyton felt like shit for hurting Brooke. Brooke pulled back out of the hug. "You fell and…" She sobbed, "You wouldn't respond to anything I was saying, and Dan was trying to tell you to calm down and…"

"Dan? Dan Scott?" This is where Peyton had to be very careful. Any misstep in her voice or her facial expression and Brooke would know she was lying. "That was him?" Peyton kept her face in a state of astonishment.

"Peyton, you don't…remember?"

"No I…I thought…" Peyton stopped there hoping Brooke could finish her thought.

She knew she guessed right when Brooke said, "You thought you were back in your dream from last night."

Peyton looked down at the floor boards.

Brooke took Peyton's face in her hand and turned it towards her. "It's okay Peyt. I'm here for you…always."

Peyton knew then she had succeeded in evading both Dan and Brooke's questions. She felt sick. What had she turned into? "Can you please take me to Tric? I think that's where I left my car." Peyton half whispered.

Brooke's face fell and she dropped her hand. "Yeah, sure." She started up the car and headed down the road.

When Brooke pulled up beside Peyton's car, Peyton turned to Brooke. "This episode proves that I shouldn't be around you Brooke. I'm so sorry." Her voice sounded dejected.

"Peyton! If anything this proves that you need me even more!"

Peyton closed her eyes at Brooke's words. She knew that was true, but she wouldn't be selfish anymore. She had to do this. The tears came again, and she opened her eyes. "I can't…Brooke. Thank you for last night and this morning, but I shouldn't have brought you into this at all. You deserve better than this."

Brooke couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Peyton stop! This is stupid. Tell me what the fuck is going on with you right the hell now!" She yelled.

Peyton shook her head. "'Brooke…"

"No! Don't make excuses. I'm your best friend. I won't lose you!" Brooke was adamant.

Peyton couldn't take it anymore so she opened the door and jumped out of the car. Brooke immediately jumped out as well. She could see Peyton's hand holding her side again.

"Peyton, what…"

Peyton interrupted her. "This was a mistake. I'm so sorry Brooke." Peyton unlocked her car door and opened it.

"Peyton please don't go." Brooke pleaded. "If you don't need me, I certainly need you."

That stopped Peyton cold, and she turned back to face Brooke. She opened her mouth but no words came out. Her heart became stone, and she got in her car and shut the door. She started it up and backed out of the space.

Brooke wouldn't let it end there. She couldn't. She ran right up to Peyton's window and banged on it with her fists. "Peyton I love you!" She yelled.

Peyton hit the brakes and looked at Brooke in wonder. After all these years she could still surprise her. She loved that about Brooke. Peyton put her hand on the window where Brooke's fist was and looked into her eyes. They shared a look of grief between them. Peyton tore herself away from Brooke's gaze, at that moment something tore inside her. She pulled away from her best friend and peeled out of the parking lot leaving Brooke standing there staring after her.


	13. Chapter 13

**My Sweetest Downfall **

Chapter 13 – Honest to God I will break your heart, tear you to pieces, and rip you apart

As soon as she got home, Peyton went straight to one of the many hidden vials of cocaine. This one was under her bed. She snorted to ease the pain in her side and in her heart. It worked for both. She sat on the floor and rested her head against her bed as she waited for the euphoria to come. It came as a beautiful feeling in her head, dipped in numbing cream. _Is there really a point to not being high?_

She had to do something today. Something important. She went downstairs and looked at the 'To Do' list on the fridge. Since her dad was gone most of the time, she had to make sure she took care of the house and kept up the maintenance on the cars. "Hmm," she said to herself, "change the oil, clean out the garage, rake the leaves…nah. Clean out the gutters…yes." That didn't sound so bad. It might even be fun. She went to the garage where her father's car was kept along with a bunch of other junk and pulled out the ladder. It was heavy and awkward, but she managed to set it up on the front of the house. She also found some garden gloves and a tiny garden shovel in the garage. She pulled the water hose from the side of the house around to the front. She had never done this herself before, but she had watched her father do it, so she thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Doing stuff like this made her feel close to her father even though he was gone out to sea. She could pretend that he was there with her, telling her how to do it. It was pretend father-daughter time. She liked it.

She cranked up the stereo in the living room and opened the windows so she could hear the music outside and then she climbed the ladder with gloves on and shovel in hand, she also had a trash bag to shovel the gutter shit into. At first, it was awkward, but after a while she had it down to a routine. She managed to attach the bag to the ladder so she could hold on with one hand and shovel with the other. This was actually kind of nice. It gave her a sense of fulfillment to work with her hands, and the coke made it all the more sweeter. Too soon though she started to come down from her high, and she was only halfway finished with the gutters. _Why should I have to come down? There is no reason to be sober in any way, shape, or form. _She decided to go snort some more coke and then she would finish up the gutters. A smile graced her beautiful, but drawn face as she felt the effects of the drug settle in. It had taken a bit more than usual this time, but she didn't mind. She had all the cocaine she could snort…and she could always get more. _Brooke…what will I be without her?_

Playing by the rules was no longer something Peyton cared to do. Sure, she still had to go to school and be slightly involved with people, but she never had to care about what anyone thought, or what she wasn't supposed to do, or even what the future held for her. Giving up…giving in, it was sort of freeing for Peyton. She loved the liberty of having no feelings of responsibility. She didn't care anymore…about anything. _Brooke…I walked away from her_. Brooke would be better off without her. Hell, she'd be great without Peyton. Brooke was the strongest person Peyton knew. That was part of what drew her to Brooke.

111

Brooke just stood there in the parking lot staring down the road where Peyton had gone. She didn't know how long she stood there, but as the wind came up and took her breath away, she finally came to her senses. Peyton had left her. She said she loved Peyton. She hit the car window with her fists and confessed her love for the blonde, but she left anyway. _Calm down, Brooke. It's not like she knew what you meant! What did I mean? _She thought about what almost happened as she got back in her car and headed back to her house. How would her best friend have reacted if she knew exactly what Brooke meant? Would she have run even farther away from Brooke than she already had? _Probably._

She pulled into her driveway and went inside her house. She sat on the bed where just two hours ago Brooke and Peyton had both sat…where they had slept. Brooke felt the tears fall freely down her face. She didn't try to stop them. Peyton was falling apart and she didn't want Brooke's help. _No, she does want my help, she just won't take it. Drugs…why would she do that? Who is hurting her?_ Brooke didn't understand why Peyton didn't want her involved. The only reason Brooke could think of was that Peyton didn't want Brooke to get hurt, but Brooke was already hurting because Peyton was pushing her away. Peyton was the only thing she truly wanted in life, but she had always been out of reach. Suddenly, Brooke had a revelation. She had told Peyton how she felt, and Brooke didn't even bat an eye! It was okay. No meteor came down from the sky to flatten her into a pancake, she hadn't been scared that her friends would find out because she said it out loud, and most importantly, she wasn't scared about Peyton's reaction. Brooke would be okay. She loved who she loved. She couldn't change it. _So why did I waste so many years trying? _She had to tell Peyton. She picked up her phone and was about to hit the speed dial when she stopped. _Wait, Peyton can't hear this right now_. Sure, Brooke was finally ready to tell her, but Peyton wasn't ready to hear it. At least, not in her current state. Brooke would tell her, and she wouldn't be afraid of what Peyton would say. She had to be true to her heart again. That's what was missing inside her: a genuine loyalty to her own heart. She felt a weight lifted from her shoulders that she didn't know she had. She smiled to herself. Nothing had changed really. Peyton was still in trouble, she still didn't want Brooke to get involved, and Brooke was still no closer to finding out the mystery of her best friend, but…whatever happened she knew what was in her heart and she accepted it. This would not be easy. Then again, nothing involving Peyton was ever easy. That was part of the pull that drew her to the curly blonde.

Brooke loved Peyton. She loved her! Right now, that was all that mattered. Brooke knew what she had to do. She had already decided she wasn't going to let Peyton push her away. Now, she needed to find a way to keep that promise.

111

When the last of the gutters were cleaned, Peyton did feel a sense of accomplishment. Today was not a huge waste of time at least. After she put away all the equipment she went to her room and tried to focus on homework the rest of the evening. Halfway through her history chapter her phone rang. It was Dan…she wondered when he'd be calling. "Hello."

"What the hell was that?" He yelled through the phone.

"Um…huh?" She was a bit confused.

"Your little act in the park today could've cost you your friendship with Brooke." For some reason, Dan had lost his usual cool.

"Oh…wait, my act? What about yours? What the hell were you doing running into me and Brooke like you give a shit about us? We're just pieces on a playing board to you!" Peyton was on a roll. "You're the one that almost cost me my friendship with Brooke, Dan!" This whole 'not caring thing' was starting to feel pretty damn good.

"Well, well Peyton, look who's grown some lady balls." Dan had back his cool it seemed.

"You know what? Shut the fuck up, dickhead!" _Shit! What did I just say to him? Maybe I'm still a little high. _

"I've half a mind to come over there right now and stick my dickhead where it belongs. And, knowing you're already in pain makes it all the sweeter." She could just picture his smug smile as he said this.

"Well, that's just super. I can't wait." She said, very sarcastically.

"You'll have to wait. I've got other things to deal with right now, or I'd be over there already fucking you instead of calling you."

"Hmm, I guess that's your loss."

"I'll be seeing you Peyton." Dan hung up.

Peyton just sat there staring at her phone for awhile. _What did I just do?_ She was in for a hell of a lot of pain in the future. _Well, it was gonna happen anyway, right?_

111

Lucas looked at himself in the foggy mirror. _What am I doing?_ Sure, Dan's house was nicer than any he had ever stayed in, but it wasn't his home. His home was with his Mother. She loved him. Dan…well, he didn't know how Dan felt about him. _Dan. Why can't I think of him as Dad_? He finished in the bathroom and went into the kitchen where Dan was eating breakfast. He sat down at the counter and Dan put a plate of food in front of him.

"Sleep well?" Dan asked.

"Um, yeah." Lucas was still a little shy around his father. He was never sure how to act, or whether or not to keep up his guard.

Dan studied his son. "What are you up to today?"

"Oh, I thought I'd get in some basketball at the river court. After that, I don't really have any plans." Lucas answered.

"Well, I've got something to care of this morning, but how about this afternoon we get in a game together?"

"Really? Yeah, that sounds fun." Lucas was still surprised any time Dan wanted to spend time with him.

Dan got up to leave, but turned around and said, "Oh, and Lucas, you know you don't have to go down to that river court anymore. You can play in my driveway anytime you want."

Lucas looked up at him. "Thanks."

Dan grabbed his keys and walked to his SUV. _Now, to take care of my investment._ He only had one destination in mind.

When he pulled into Peyton's driveway, he readied himself mentally for the exchange that was about to happen. He had to play this just right in order to get the results he wanted. He took a breath and went inside the house. Peyton would never voluntarily answer the door if she thought it might be him, but she knew better than to lock the door. He went upstairs to her bedroom but she wasn't there. He walked back out into the hall again. "Peyton! Where are you?" No answer. He went into the kitchen and saw the back door open. There she was, raking leaves in the back yard. The girl was a trooper. He had to give her that. Her back was to him, and he saw that she had her headphones in listening to music so he walked up behind her. He was about to tap her on the shoulder when she turned around.

"Oh, fuck!" She said in surprise. She quickly took out her headphones.

Dan chuckled. "Tell me, is that your natural reaction when you see me?"

Peyton's face fell. "What do you want?" She said dejectedly.

Dan's face grew dark. "Only to repay you for last night." He took the rake from her. "Why don't we go inside?" He said, and led her to the house.

Peyton's eyes started to tear up, but she stopped herself. _I should be used to this by now, dammit_. As soon as she crossed the threshold into her kitchen Dan punched her hard in the stomach. She fell to the floor and doubled over in pain. She tried to breathe but couldn't.

Dan reached down and took her by the shoulders. "You had that coming to you."

She was gasping for air. She thought he was going to hit her again, but instead he picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. He was surprisingly gentle with her body. She was scared of what was next. He laid her body on her bed and took her jacket off. He sat on the bed next to her and pulled her head up to his. He kissed her gently. She didn't know what the hell was going on. He had never been gentle with her. What came next shocked the hell out of her. He reached down and stuck his hand into her pants and caressed her folds. Her breath caught. Her body was aroused at his touch. _No!_ She didn't want this to happen. She didn't want to enjoy any sick part of this. "Stop. Please, stop." She begged.

"Oh what, now you want it hard?" His voice was dark and scary. He took his hand out and threw her down against the bed. He ripped her shirt off surprisingly easy. Her eyes grew wide in fear and he reached for the rest of her clothes, ripping them off just as easily. He pulled his own clothes off and literally jumped on top of her. All his weight was on her. "Is this what you wanted? Huh?" He laughed mirthlessly. "I know it is." He grabbed her by the neck and squeezed until she couldn't breathe. He brought her neck to his mouth and bit down until he tasted her blood. He was enjoying this. He released her neck and she gasped in all the air she could. He held her down by her hips and slammed his penis as hard as he could inside of her.

She screamed…loud. She didn't mean to. It just came out. She was not in control of her own body it seemed. It hurt so bad. She wailed on him with her arms…again without thought. She scratched his face and his chest and back, but to no avail. He just kept crashing into her forever. His fingers dug into her sides and drew blood. "No!" She kept screaming.

Dan had a smile on his face. This was total domination. This was where he belonged. He finally came and shuddered inside her before pulling out. He rolled over and brought Peyton with him, rolling her right onto the floor while he stayed on the bed…like tossing away the trash. He hoped she got the message. That's all she was: trash.

Peyton lay curled up whimpering on the floor. She had her eyes closed to block out the world, but she still heard him get up and get dressed.

When he was done he said, "Get up."

She opened her eyes. He kicked her in the shin. "I said get up."

Her body was on fire with pain, but she stood up as quickly as she could.

He studied her. There was blood coming from her neck and her hips, but most of it was flowing freely down her legs. She had multiple marks all over her body and dark bruises on her neck. He walked into her bathroom and turned on the shower, making sure the water was at a nice warm temperature, and came back to Peyton. "Take a shower and clean yourself up." He glanced at her sheets. They had a lot of blood on them as well. He gestured to the sheets with his head. "Clean that up too." He paused. "Peyton, make no mistake. I am your future. If I run into you somewhere, you are to act normal. You will go to school tomorrow, and you will not make a visit to a hospital. Is that understood?"

Peyton looked at him with no emotion. "Yes, I understand." She said mechanically.

He nodded. "Good. No more mistakes or I swear I'll kill you, and then I'll ruin Brooke." He turned to leave.

Peyton stopped him. "D-Dan?"

He looked over his shoulder at her naked form standing there.

"My d-dad is c-coming back next week." She said barely audibly, but he heard her.

He sighed. "Well, you better make sure he doesn't suspect anything, huh?"

Peyton looked down at the floor.

He turned to face her. "Look, don't worry. I'll just have to be more creative with your…'payment.' And yes, you will still have to live up to your end of the bargain." He smiled darkly, and reached into his coat pocket. He pulled out a wad of cash and tossed it on her desk. "I always keep my end." Then he left.

Peyton sat on the bed as soon as she heard the front door close. She felt like she had been holding her breath for awhile. She closed her eyes and forced herself to calm down. Her whole body hurt. Tears were flowing down her face, but she wasn't crying. She wouldn't cry because of Dan. She hated that bastard, but she wouldn't cry. When she was breathing normally again, she forced her body into motion and stood up. She walked into her bathroom and stepped under the water letting it flow over her. Her blood mixed with the water flowing into the drain. Dan was killing her. She had a sudden thought. _What if I die and Brooke never knows how I feel? _She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

When she was done cleaning herself up, she started cleaning her bedroom. She found the shirt that Dan had ripped. It had been one of her favorite band t-shirts. _Damn him._ She gathered up her clothes and sheets and threw them into the wash. She scrubbed the blood off the floor where she had bled, and put fresh sheets on her bed. When everything was clean again and straightened up, she took a vial of cocaine from her stash and made some lines on a mirror. She thought of the pain in her body. She hoped this would help to dull it. She knew she should be in the hospital, but that wasn't an option. She snorted the lines and put the mirror and vial away. Then she looked around her room. _What a meaningless existence I have. _She got up and went back into her yard to finish raking.

She finished up and went back upstairs. She had gotten a lot done. Her father would be happy with her when he got home. She got out her sketch pad and drew his happy face. He looked at Peyton with real love in his eyes. She loved him. _What would he think of me now?_ She tore his picture in half and threw it in the trash. She reached into her desk drawer for the vial again, and before she knew what she was doing she had snorted the whole thing. She laughed. "Oops." Things went dark after that.

111

Nathan was in a dark place. His wife had left him. Lucas had said it was only a misunderstanding, that she would be back. He had tried calling her to no avail. Lucas tried too, but she just wasn't picking up. He told Lucas to go home after awhile. He wasn't in the mood to be around people right now. Nathan scoffed to himself. He thought that his parents were probably ecstatic about Haley leaving. They never wanted them to be married. _Maybe they were right._ _No!_ He couldn't think like that. She was coming home. She just needed some space.

That was two days ago. Two days since his wife left him. Now it was Sunday. Sundays were their lazy days. He loved Sundays with Haley. Now he was lazy by himself. He was a mess. He hadn't showered in two days. He hadn't eaten anything, but he had drunk all the beer they had in the house. He had to go out. _Dammit._ He never wanted to leave. He grabbed his keys and drove in the general direction of a liquor store. He passed Tric on the way, which made him think of Haley. Hell, everything made him think of Haley. _Stupid songs and stupid Chris._ They wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for Chris. His mind wandered to when Chris and Haley first met. It was at Tric when Peyton had talent tryouts. _Peyton._ She had called that night. _Why did she call? She needed something, but what? I never found out, because I told her about…Haley. Wait, it was like three in the morning when she called. Shit._ Nathan made a U-turn and drove straight to Peyton's house. He had to make sure she was okay. Here he told her he would look out for her and he let her down. He may have lost his wife, but he wouldn't lose his best friend.

Peyton's car was in the drive so he decided to try her door. He didn't want to call because he wasn't sure she would want him to come over. He thought it better to ask apology than permission. He knocked on her door but of course he got no answer as he expected. He slowly opened the door and stuck his head inside. "Hello, Peyton? It's Nathan, I'm coming up." No answer.

There was music coming from Peyton's room. _Nothing new there._ He walked up the stairs and knocked on Peyton's door jamb. "Peyton?" He looked around the room. "You here?" No answer again. He wondered if she might be out. He was about to leave when he stopped and turned back around. He had this strange feeling that he should go inside the room and look around. He walked around the bed and glanced in the bathroom. His heart stopped. Peyton was lying on the bathroom floor, halfway slumped up against the tub. "Peyton!" He ran over to her and grabbed her shoulders and shook her. _She looks so pale._ Her eyes were closed. "Peyton, wake up dammit! Come on girl." He listened to her breaths, but they were too shallow for his comfort. He hugged her to his chest and tears came into his eyes. "Babe, what did you do?" He pulled back and searched her face for any sign of consciousness. He slapped her face, hard. Still nothing. He reached up behind her with one hand and turned on the shower with only cold water. Nathan lifted her light, fragile body and stepped into the shower with her. His mind instantly jumped back to when he and Peyton used to shower together, but just as quickly he snapped out of it. This was completely different. _Please let her be okay._ He held her head under the flowing water briefly and then pulled it out again. "Peyton, come on, Peyton!" He yelled in her ear. He slapped her a few times lightly in succession.

She gasped.

"Peyton!" Nathan was hopeful.

She opened her eyes slightly and focused on his face. "N-Nathan?"

He breathed out in relief. "Yeah, babe, I'm right here. Try to keep your eyes open for me." He sat down inside the tub with her body resting on top of his. He laid his head on top of hers and closed his eyes.

Peyton mumbled, "I'm so sorry Nate. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…I'm so sorry." She was having a hard time thinking clearly.

The cold water ran over them like a shield, keeping them safe. "You're okay, Peyton." He could take care of her. They could help each other to come out safely on the other side. "We're both gonna be okay." He knew it to be true in his heart. He had missed his best friend. He didn't realize how much until he had almost lost her. His tears mingled with the water flowing down his face.

After awhile Peyton moved her head. "I'm cold, Nate."

Nathan almost laughed. "It's about time Sawyer." He stood up with her in his arms and turned the water off. "Come on; let's get you out of here." He stepped out of the tub and set her on her feet. "Can you stand?"

She held on to his arms with her hands and tested out her legs. "Yeah, I think I'm good." She was still a little shaky, so he kept hold of her arm. She looked up into his eyes. "How did you know to find me?"

Water was dripping from their bodies all over the bathroom floor as he answered her. "I didn't. I came to see you about your phone call the other night…then I had this feeling that I should have a look around I guess. That sounds weird."

"No, it doesn't sound weird. It sounds nice. I'm glad you found me Nathan." She started to cry.

He held her close. "Don't cry Peyt. I'm here now, and guess what? I'm not gonna leave you alone anymore."

She pulled back and looked at him but she didn't say anything.

He took the opportunity to say, "Come on, let's get out of these wet clothes." He pulled at his shirt that was stuck to his skin and peeled it off. She tried to take hers off as well, but she didn't even have the strength to pull up on it. Nathan stopped her by taking hers arms and putting them above her head. He took her shirt and gently lifted it over her head and tossed it onto the floor where his own shirt lay. He opened the bathroom closet and brought out two towels. He gave one to Peyton to cover herself while he took off her wet bra and the other he hung about his shoulders. He took off the rest of their clothes and helped to dry her off as much as he could. He noticed the ugly marks all over her body and it enraged him, but he didn't say anything…he chose to wait. After that he wrapped her towel around her body tight and led her by the arm to her bed where she sat and watched him. With his own towel wrapped around his lower half he rummaged through her drawers and found some under-clothes for her and then some sweats and a t-shirt. He started to hand the clothes to her, but she only looked at him. He sighed and helped her get dressed. He hated this…not because he had to help Peyton…but because of the situation. Peyton was in no state to hear this right now, but he was going to find out who was doing this to her no matter what she said.

Only after she was dressed and lying down in her bed did he go into her father's room and borrow some clothes for himself. _It's a good thing I already know where everything is._ He had a dated the girl for awhile after all. He decided to go ahead and order a pizza while he was in there. He knew Peyton would only say she wasn't hungry by the look of her.

He walked back into Peyton's room and laid down on the bed with her. They were both staring straight up at the ceiling.

Peyton sighed. "You can start it now." She said.

"Start what?" Nathan asked.

"The lecture. You can start the lecture now." Peyton's voice was low and tired.

Nathan chuckled. "There'll be no lecture today. But there will be pizza, and you will eat it." He said it like a pronouncement.

Peyton looked over at him finally and he looked back. "Okay, I'll eat some." She smiled and then got serious. "Nate?"

"Yeah?"

She looked at him sheepishly. "Thanks for this…I mean…it was…nice…er, um…"

"Sawyer, I get it." He interrupted her.

They both smiled as a comfortable silence settled in, then Peyton said, "You know, you are like the only person who I don't mind seeing me naked. I feel safe with you" _That is kind of ironic considering it's his Dad that's doing this to me. _

"I hope this doesn't sound weird," Nathan said, "but I feel safe with you too." He lightly pounded his chest with his fist. "My heart feels safe with you."

"It's not weird. I get it too….sorry about Haley." She said that last part quietly.

"Me too." He paused. "She….She's livin' it up now I guess."

"Probably."

That surprised him. "What, you aren't gonna make excuses for her like everyone else?"

"Why should I? I mean…damn Nate, she had it all, and just…tossed it away. You know what I would give to have that with the person I love? I would die for that." _I am dying. Brooke…_

He saw her eyes glaze over and realized she was in her own world again. "You love someone?"

That got her attention. "Huh?"

"You said, 'the person you love,' who is it?" He asked.

She looked down and then back up at him. "A beautiful person, but it doesn't matter." That's all she would say on the subject. "You saved my life today Nate. Thank you."

"You are welcome, but you know what?" He smiled slightly. "You might just save mine too."

The two best friends spent the evening with each other talking and eating pizza. Nathan even stayed the night and helped her to sleep feeling safe. They both slept better than they had in a long time.


	14. Chapter 14

**My Sweetest Downfall**

Chapter 14 – Are you aware the shape I'm in?

Nathan drove Peyton to school the next morning. She insisted on going even though he practically begged her not to. She refused to go to the hospital as well. He thought maybe she was still scared of the place because of her mother. So, Peyton got her way, but he got his way too. He wasn't going to leave her alone until her father came home. He wasn't going to tell her that though….he just wouldn't leave.

Nathan cooked breakfast for her this morning and watched to make sure she ate every bite. Peyton was only slightly annoyed at this because she knew it was for her own good. She was very grateful for Nathan, but she didn't know what would happen when Dan came around again. She hoped Nathan wouldn't be anywhere near her by then. Nathan had to help her walk out to his car because of the pain Dan had inflicted on her. Her ribs were all black and blue from the multiple punches she received, and she was very sore around her middle—she thought maybe he tore something down there—needless to say, she was in bad shape.

When they pulled up at the school, Nathan came around to get Peyton's door for her. "People are gonna think you're having an affair with me Nathan." She said as he as much as lifted her out by her arm. She winced and smiled at him at the same time.

"I don't care what people think, Peyton. Just one person…and she doesn't care about me."

Peyton just gave him a look.

"Okay, maybe she does still care…but she has a crappy way of showing it." He admitted.

111

Lucas and Brooke had been talking in the quad when Nathan pulled in. They had both planned to corner him before school and make sure he was okay, but as they watched him come around his car and open the passenger door for someone, they stopped in their tracks. Then, their jaws dropped when they saw that the person was Peyton Sawyer.

"What the hell?" Brooke said at the same time Lucas said, "Why is she with him?" They looked at each other and then back at the strange couple. They were both secretly a little jealous of Nathan at the moment.

They watched as Nathan helped Peyton out of the car. She seemed a little unsteady to Brooke. She wondered if her ribs were still bothering her. Brooke noticed that she limped a little on the way into school, but she wouldn't take Nathan's offered hand. _What the hell is going on?_ Peyton didn't look at her once as she walked past.

"Okay, that was weird." Lucas said.

Brooke just said. "Let's get to class." She wasn't about to betray Peyton's confidence.

111

After lunch, they all had a class together. Nathan hadn't left Peyton's side except when they had separate classes, so Brooke had no chance to get near her, nor did anyone else for that matter. Peyton and Nathan sat in their usual seats, which were not very near to each other. Brooke was seated next to Peyton, and Lucas was behind her. Haley's seat next to Nathan was empty.

Peyton didn't want to be here. She was in a lot of pain. Nathan hadn't let her alone all morning, so she couldn't get to her big stash in her room, but she was able to snort the little bit she had in the bathroom; although it wasn't enough to get high. It had dulled the pain a little though. Right now the pain was back in full force and she had a huge headache. She knew it had to be because she hadn't snorted enough coke. She could barely concentrate on what the teacher was saying. Something about a test next class. She took her pencil out to write the details of the test in her notebook, but halfway into the first sentence her head pounded, hard. She dropped her pencil and grabbed her head.

Brooke had been watching Peyton since class started. When she grabbed her head Brooke couldn't hold her peace any longer. "Peyt?" She leaned over and whispered. Brooke put her hand on Peyton's shoulder and Peyton flinched without thought. Brooke tried not to take it personally because she knew it wasn't because of her, but because someone was hurting Peyton. "What's wrong?" Brooke was very concerned for her best friend.

Peyton didn't answer. Her eyes were closed tight and all she could hear was the constant pounding.

Brooke could see that Peyton was in trouble, and she didn't care that Peyton would flinch again so she grabbed her arm, and surprisingly, Peyton leaned into her. "Peyton…" Brooke whispered again.

This time Peyton did hear her. She opened her eyes and looked down at her paper. There was a tiny red spot on it. She looked closer at the spot. It got bigger before her eyes. "Wha…"

"Peyton, you're bleeding!" Brooke whispered strongly. She didn't want anyone else to hear, let alone the teacher.

Peyton put her hand to her nose and pulled back bloody fingers. "Oh, um…" Peyton started to get up, but Brooke held her down by her arm.

"Shh, Peyton! Be quiet." Brooke looked around quickly. "Peyton, look at me."

Peyton held her hand to her nose to keep the blood from running everywhere. She was breathing hard.

"Look at me." Brooke repeated. Peyton met her eyes. "I got this." Brooke had a determined look on her face.

Despite the pain in her head, Peyton felt a swelling in her chest at Brooke's words. She gave her best friend a small nod, and watched as Brooke took charge.

Brooke raised her voice and interrupted the teacher. "Excuse me? Uh, my friend here needs a bathroom pass, and…so do I." She smiled at him. Brooke always got what she wanted with her winning smile.

Peyton continued to watch Brooke. Her best friend was amazing. She was helping her when Peyton had walked away from their friendship. She so loved this girl. _Fuck, my head hurts so bad!_ Brooke helped her out of her chair.

Nathan sat up in his chair, and looked closely at Peyton. She only took her hand away from her nose for half a second, but he still saw the blood. He started to rise as well, but the teacher had other ideas.

"Mr. Scott, I don't believe I gave you permission to go along." The teacher said. Nathan sat back down reluctantly and watched as Brooke led Peyton out of the classroom.

Brooke had Peyton by the arm and was leading her toward the bathroom. Peyton's eyes kept closing of their own accord, but she opened them again each time. Now wasn't the time to pass out. She needed to get out of there.

Peyton kept leaning on Brooke more and more as they walked down the hall toward the restroom. Although Brooke loved the feeling of Peyton's closeness, she didn't like what it meant; Peyton was getting weaker by the second. Brooke's hands were busy holding up Peyton, so she had to kick open the door to the restroom with her foot. As soon as they walked in Brooke saw another girl fixing her hair in the mirror. The girl looked at the limp blonde in Brooke's arm and just starred. "Freshman, out!" Brooke didn't spare the girl another glance as she left hurriedly.

Brooke picked up Peyton's light body and set her on the counter. She lifted her chin with her hand. Brooke gasped at the blood that had now covered Peyton's chin and ran down her neck. "Peyton, honey, look at me." Peyton opened her eyes. "How're ya doin' huh?"

Peyton moved her mouth, but no sound came out. Her eyes closed and her head rolled forward. Brooke caught her before she could fall off the counter. "Okay, okay. Just hold on for me P. Sawyer." Brooke said soothingly, but inside she was super worried. Should she call 911? Should she just take her to the hospital herself? Should she wait it out? She didn't know what to do. She grabbed a paper towel and wet it so it was damp. She held Peyton's body up with one hand, and with the other she cleaned the blood off of her best friend's face and neck. "Peyt, you're burning up!" She said as she touched the skin on her neck. Her nose had thankfully stopped bleeding for now. Brooke wet another paper towel and held it against Peyton's forehead and then put it over her eyes, and then moved it down to her cheeks.

She didn't think Peyton could hear her but she spoke anyway. "You are a mess P, you know that?" Brooke still dabbed the cool paper towel against Peyton's face. Peyton's eyes opened a bit, but she couldn't focus on anything. Her breaths came in short huffs. She became aware of Brooke and tried to smile, but it only worked on one side of her mouth and it was barely there. Brooke still saw it. She put her hand to Peyton's cheek. "Peyt, if you can hear me…I think I'm gonna take you to the hospital." Brooke said softly.

Peyton's eyes went wide and she shook her head the tiniest bit. "N-nooo." She huffed out. She had no strength. "I c-can't-tt." She pleaded with Brooke.

Brooke was not having it. "Peyt, you're hurt bad. I'm still your best friend…even though we're not on great terms right now." Brooke looked her over and gestured with her free hand. "And…well, look at you. You need to see a doctor, for real."

Peyton tried to scoff, but all that came out was another huff. "Don't you huff at me! You're going. End of discussion." Brooke had her most serious face on.

Peyton looked as if she was about to try and reply when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She saw Peyton try to reach for it, but her feeble attempt was cut off by Brooke's hand reaching into her pocket first. "I got it, P." She said, and read it quickly.

It was from 'Asshole.' _Why would Peyton put that as someone's name on her phone?_ As Brooke read the text her eyes got wide. 'Im n the parking lot. Meet me n 5. NOW.' This must be the clue she had been missing. Whoever this 'asshole' person is must hold the key to why her Peyton is so messed up. She closed the phone and looked at Peyton. Now Brooke had a dilemma: she couldn't leave Peyton alone, so she could take her out to the parking lot and confront this person, or she could take her to the hospital and just ignore the text.

Peyton was looking very pale. She was sweating, breathing hard, and shaking. Brooke decided that she really didn't have a choice after all. They were going to the emergency room. "Peyton, listen to me." _One thing at a time._ "I'm going to help you down, and then we're going to walk to my car."

When Brooke lifted her down from the counter she had to support most of the blonde's weight; which thankfully, wasn't much. She couldn't think about how nice it felt to hold Peyton so close; they had to hurry because Brooke knew there were only a couple of minutes before the bell rang, signaling the end of the current classes. Brooke and Peyton passed through the halls without incident and burst through the double doors that led to the quad—she had to kick it open with her foot again because her hands were busy holding up Peyton. She glanced around the parking lot for the mysterious person from the text message, but she didn't see anyone at all. She was really hoping to find out what this was all about, but she had to wait. Peyton's head was resting on her shoulder by the time Brooke got them to her car. She opened her door very carefully while propping Peyton up against the side of the car and maneuvered her body inside. She had done this for Peyton and others many times in the past, but they had been too drunk to stand up then. Brooke buckled her in and quickly walked around to the driver's side and had them on the road to the hospital in no time. She didn't notice the black SUV that had followed them from the school parking lot.

111

Her phone buzzed. She tried to reach for it inside the pocket of her jeans, but Brooke fished it out first. Peyton closed her eyes. She had always trusted Brooke completely with her cell phone…and with everything else in her life. That was her default mode, so she wasn't thinking about who the text might be from. Her head was in a fog. _What was I supposed to be doing? Something…I'm sure. Who is talking? That voice sounds…like someone I like. _

"Peyton, listen to me." She heard Brooke pause and then, "I'm going to help you down, and then we're going to walk to my car."

She opened her eyes slightly and watched her best friend put her arms around Peyton's frail body. Peyton didn't have the strength to protest, or to ask where they were going. She had completely forgotten about the text message. All she knew were Brooke's strong arms. They were holding her close and tight, and she felt so at peace in them. She watched Brooke's face as she helped her down the hall; it was all she could completely focus on.

Suddenly a bright light made her squint her eyes, but she didn't want to close them for fear of losing sight of Brooke. Brooke was her focal point for keeping her sanity right now. She was so tired. She closed her eyes. All she wanted to do was sleep. She looked up again to find her Brooke, but she found that she was seated in a car. She glanced out the window to see if they were moving because she couldn't feel her body. She saw buildings going past. She looked over at the driver, but she couldn't see that far. _What the hell is happening to me? _She panicked. She reached down to open the door but it wouldn't budge, it was locked. Something was restraining her chest and holding her down…her seatbelt. She couldn't get that off either, it seemed to be stuck. Her breathing came harder and faster.

"Whoa there, calm down Peyton." Brooke put her hand on Peyton's shoulder and pushed her back into her seat. "It's Brooke, you are in my car. I'm taking care of you." Brooke said soothingly.

Peyton looked over at the driver…Brooke. "B, I can't see you." She said, panic evident in her voice.

Brooke took Peyton's hand and brought it over to touch her face. "You can feel me can't you?" She let out a giggle when Peyton's fingers brushed her ear. "See that's me. Nothing to be scared of." She saw Peyton visibly relax, but Brooke kept Peyton's hand in her own. She told herself it was only to reassure her best friend.

They were pulling up at the hospital when Peyton's hand went limp in her own hand. Brooke looked at Peyton, alarmed. "Peyt?" She shook her hand. Peyton's head rolled forward and Brooke shot out her arm to keep Peyton from hitting her head on the dash. She quickly parked her car and unbuckled both their seatbelts. Brooke held Peyton's unconscious head in her hands. "Oh God Peyton!" Brooke yelled. "Wake up!" She shook her head some more, but Peyton was out cold. Brooke held Peyton's head to her chest. "You better not be dying because I haven't told you how in love with you I am." She paused. "I…I am…so in love with you baby." She said with fiery passion. "Now, I'm gonna get you to a doctor, and you're gonna wake up and be just fine, you hear?" She had tears in her eyes that she wouldn't let fall just yet.


End file.
